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Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

995 replies

Suchanamateur · 01/03/2012 10:27

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Astr0naut · 26/04/2012 19:39

That's because toddlers don't know their limits and tend to binge drink. If he'd stopped at just two glasses of Wine, he'd've probably been fine.

MrsFlippingHeck · 26/04/2012 20:41

Just checking in, managed not to loose my temper today with Dd who has been crowned the Queen of Drama. Why do toddlers whine about everything??

Ds decided not to sleep all day apart from 10mins here and there. Thank god they are both in bed (for now)

Rewarded myself with 2 mini magnums.

Decided that the key to a successful day is getting out in the morning and spending afternoon at home.

Suchanamateur · 26/04/2012 21:26

Astr0 you just made me snort so loud with laughter that I woke DD.

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pommedechocolat · 26/04/2012 21:58

Grin astro

mrs - that is my conclusion too. Pm out and about = tears before bedtime for me, toddler and baby!

Grumpla · 27/04/2012 04:47

Arf @ Astr0 Grin
First bedtime of 3 = fine, only one head butting incident. Managed to feed DS2 on sofa before we went up so he was quite happy just to watch. Neither of them had baths though Blush

Tomorrow we have friends here in the morning, I'm just praying the weather is good enough for us to spend a bit of time outside or it'll be another battle of wills with DS1 over his nap. He's obviously working up to dropping it Sad but isn't quite ready as he now stays awake in bed / mucks about for an hour before falling asleep for a good hour and a half. I don't mind when he stays awake in bed, obviously, but the days when I have to put him back in bed 25 times are a bit wearing. And the days he doesn't sleep at all in the afternoon are hell plus he then seems to be unsettled the following night.

Ah well, back to "sleep". Or at least lying prone in the darkness for half an hour before someone vomits on me or tries to stick their fingers up my nose.

WMDinthekitchen · 27/04/2012 05:11

Being very honest here...

I had a 15 month gap. The advantage was that DS did not get horribly jealous of his baby sister. I just got through it somehow. The exhaustion was truly awful and sapped my enjoyment of being a mother. The only suggestions I have are to accept any help offered (someone to wheel the baby out for an hour while you play with the toddler perhaps) and if they both happen to be asleep at the same time, have a nap yourself rather than doing housework.

Grumpla · 27/04/2012 08:43

But you did get through it, right?!? Grin

I guess I am either getting better at coping or my standards have slipped to a more manageable level... For example, I had about three hours sleep last night - two months ago I would now be weeping, gnashing etc. Instead I am up, dressed, we have all had breakfast... Ok so DS1 and I are crashed out in front of the TV right now but I feel I've ticked a fair few boxes already. Maybe that is part of getting through it - being a bit kinder to yourself, appreciating that your children being fed, clothed, cuddled & occasionally watered is pretty good on no sleep, awash with hormones etc... Well maybe I'm just delirious Grin and I'm sure I won't be feeling so sanguine by the time DH gets home on midnight Saturday...

WMDinthekitchen · 27/04/2012 08:57

Yes, and over 20 years on am still here. Some days 'getting through it' is all you can do. Other days can be enjoyable. Getting out and about despite being utterly shattered also helped me as it stopped me feeling trapped, gave the childre some fresh air etc. You may find going out with two little ones difficult - we all have our own tolerance levels for different things. One day at a time!!

Ciske · 27/04/2012 09:19

Flippingheck - I agree with your strategy: wear toddler out in the morning so they nap well, then quiet time at home in the afternoon.

Grumpla - I agree, it's quite amazing how much we all get done on so little sleep. If we were in jail, these frequent wakings would be called torture and Amnesty International would have come to our rescue ages ago.

DS2 was very unsettled last night so am currently in zombie mode, DD1 is trying to play with everything in the house at once, and DS just rolled off my knees because I just don't have the brain power to watch them both at the same time.

Going to brave the local playgroup this morning - first time, so hopefully it's a good one.

Ciske · 27/04/2012 13:02

Was horrible with DD1 this morning and feel very guilty, although she seemed to forget within minutes it even happened. I cut my finger, poked myself in the eye and nearly fed DS2 a cup of coffee instead of his bottle.

Damn I need to sleep.

pommedechocolat · 27/04/2012 13:03

I shouted at a lady in the street this am. She was being a bit of a knob but probably didn't deserve publicly shouting at (I did only yell 'You could say thank you'! but still..).

Have given into another day of slobbing around at home. Too scared to go to soft play which was planned activity.

PenguinArmy · 27/04/2012 13:10

i wrote big long post last night but the offline bit lost it. it didn't really say anything.

anyway we are doing well here today. dd still woke at 5:30 but despite a bad start DS did alright. i don't actually remember putting him into bed with me. Basically I think I was so tired i slept through his constant feed-a-thons :)

red patch shrinking so think i will avoid ab's. I have some in just in case. spending the afternoon in today, so we'll see how we get on.

PenguinArmy · 27/04/2012 13:11

pomme spend a few minutes chasing DD around, get her giggling to make up for this morning.

PenguinArmy · 27/04/2012 13:11

sorry meant ciske, but heck everyone do it anyway

Ciske · 27/04/2012 13:18

Penguin - she's napping now and I'm trying to settle DS so I can follow her example and get some brainpower back... tickling and chasing will be just the type of easy activity I can still manage on this foggy brain, so will make that the PM activity!

SilverSky · 27/04/2012 14:02

I poured apple juice in my cereal bowl instead of on my glass. I need to go to bed earlier.

Grumpla · 27/04/2012 14:17

Today both of my children were asleep at the same time!

Only for about seven and a half minutes, mind, but still - long enough for me to go to the loo ALL BY MYSELF Grin

Suchanamateur · 27/04/2012 14:39

Mine tag teamed last night. Joy. And DD currently beside herself today post first jabs yesterday- poor little mite. Thank god its a nursery day.

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Astr0naut · 27/04/2012 19:17

Glad my vision of pissed up toddlers cheered folk yesterday. I can just imagine ds in that scenario (a cocktail with a sparkler kinda guy), slamming his sippy cup on the counter and demanding: "I wan' more!"

As far as sleep goes, last night was, by our standards, a success. We've introduced a dummy to dd (I know, bit late at 5 months) and she loves it. Ds wouldn't even entertain the idea when we were desperate enough to try him. It meant that dd allowed me to put her in her cot last night without kicking off, and I was able to drop her back when she fed at 3.

Ds had a nightmare at around 4, but generally ok.

Dh's birthday today,so he had the day off. Pushing the boat out tonight with a take away.Not doing anything exciting as I appear to have had a virus for th e last 3 weeks that keeps coming back. It starts with a sore throat and you just get to the point where ou think it'll be a fully fledged cold....then it backs off. I'm currently at the sore throat stage.

Here's to hoping people get a FRiday night where they can at least eat some giant chocolate buttons in peace, or even drink a large glass of Wine.

MrsFlippingHeck · 27/04/2012 19:19

Had an amazing day here. My mum took DD out for the day and I was v productive am cooked some Bol sauce for tea, bit of cleaning & changed the beds (haven't been done in a shockingly long time) then I sat on my bum and watched 3 episodes of Scott&Bailey on Sky+ whilst eating more mini magnums, it was bliss.

Bit depressing that that is my idea of bliss but you know how it is.

Really sorry to hear so many of you are still having so little sleep. Ds is amazing me with how well he sleeps so far. I'm still scared from DD and her two hourly feeding until she was 12months so im just waiting for it to go to shit. Goes to prove its just the way they are cause I've done nothing different this time

pommedechocolat · 27/04/2012 19:35

The 8.5 week old is in her cot upstairs! Well, the travel cot next to my (it really is, dh lives in the spare room now) bed at any rate. She's asleep!! I may eat dinner in a downstairs area WITH NO LITTLE PEOPLE IN IT.

Mrs I know what you mean about bliss ideals being low. I'm about to read a magazine whilst dh deals with ready meal in the oven being ready. Amazing!

Grumpla · 28/04/2012 01:25

Yup, my sanguine philosophical optimistic stage didn't last long, DS1 managed to (quite literally) beat it out of me. Spent ALL FUCKING DAY with him hitting, kicking and head butting me about every 15 mins. Cue ime out, wails, sorry sorry, not hit mummy etc - then the same thing all over again minutes later. He really doesn't seem to be able to stop himself. I'm assuming it's got something to do with DH being away (clearly that's my fault!) but GAH it is bloody hard work. I tried to stay calm but here were a couple of bellowing incidents Sad

Eventually I ran out of patience to the point where I found it really hard not to just hot him back. At that point I put him to bed. I figured it was better to do that than to risk losing control.

He seemed fine about it, I went up half an hour later and we had a cuddle etc. actually I guess that is part of the problem - the huge disparity between how shit it makes me feel and how little he seems to care. I KNOW he is only a toddler but it's still hard.

DH not back until well after bedtime tomorrow and seems to have driven off with the raincover for the double pram in the boot of the car.

Fuck it, they'll just have to get wet. I cannot cope with another afternoon trapped inside.

Seems so unfair on DS2 who has been angelic all the day (although he woke me up an hour ago and is still fussing away so rapidly running out of brownie points)

Oh grrrr rant rant rant right I'm going to try and ignore the fact that DS2 is clearly awake and go back to sleep myself... High risk strategy but my eyes are actually blurring with fatigue now.

Ciske · 28/04/2012 08:46

pommedechocolat - Envy at dinner without children, it's just a memory in this house at the moment!

Yesterday had one good moment in it, which is that DD poo-ed in her potty for th first time. The highlight of a shitty day was a shit, how lovely. Hmm

However, little man made up for his antics on Thursday night and slept a wopping 5 hours (10pm - 3am) last night. Shock DP took the 3am feed, so I'm actually fairly well rested today. So maybe the weekend will be a lot better.

pommedechocolat · 28/04/2012 09:26

I didn't get it Ciske! DD2 woke up just as I put the first forkful to my mouth... Then she went into meltdown which lasted until 3am. I feel slightly a bit like Ive been smoking weed this am I'm so tired. Mind you, that was a long time ago so I may have remembered incorrectly...

Ciske · 28/04/2012 14:27

So you jinxed it? :o Sorry about the haze today, hopefully she'll be like my DS and reward you with a nice long sleep tonight. Fingers crossed.