Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

Evening all. I keep starting posts then getting frustrated at the speed of typing on bxloody "smart"phone and giving up... still reading though.

Wish I had something useful to contribute to thread, but no; just whinging I'm afraid. my whinge du jour is my bloody moodswings at the moment - hope it is a temporary postpartum settling of hormones thjng. I have had a few patches of relaxed over-optimistic contentness but also days like today where I am just low and every scream of Dd's is giving me instant rage. there has been many tears and a bit o shouting and even throwing of cushions. Poor DD; I hate feeling so frustrated with her - she can't help being a toddler.
Qnyway better get off to sleep. wishing you all good sleep-filled nights...

I had an afternoon a bit like that, just suddenly you patience becomes non existent. Today I felt it happening so went to my neighbours house for an hour. I am fine until 3pm each day. I can handle DS, I can handle DD but when DS is crying or needs something then I suddenly start snipping at DD to do what I want her to do, even when it isn't her fault or doesn't even need doing .

We all use the thread for a whinge.

Welcome to our double trouble whinge support thread newbies. Especially those who join us in 30/40 minute nap solidarity. It basically means that I seem to feed pretty much every hour. Routine perhaps but not as Gina designed it..

Ciske please send the weather our way. Feel totally waterlogged!

penguin thanks for tips. I will invest in buscuits. I also discovered raw chocolate in our local health food store which although fiendishly expensive is dairy/soy free and utterly delicious. Not seeing any impact yet but I know I may need to wait a while. Dreams of California...

Astr0 when we went on a hot holiday last year we got hold of a once a day suncream and slathered DS with it first thing in the morning and then his baby suncream. It meant that there was always a base layer in the event that DH we forgot to re lubricate DS when he was charging around.

oh post birth hormones are a bugger aren't they? I feel like mine have begin to even out only to be replaced by sleep deprivation (and rain) induced rage. Poor DCs.

Better go and supervise cbeebies watching. Lenny Henry seems to do the voices in everything. I tried to discuss this with DS but he didn't seem interested. Just jumped off the sofa instead..

Christ, roll on 6mo when EVERYTHING gets much better DOESN'T IT PENGUIN?

I have put DS2 on infant gaviscon in case it's reflux (silent) waking him up. The short naps have started to affect his nighttime sleep so action has to be taken. It has started to take longer and longer to get him down at night, 2hrs on Mon and 2.5 last night , and I had to feed him into oblivion to achieve that. Gaaaah

Glad it's not just me nipping at the older one, poor boy

I would say it's better in the sense it's fairly predictable and you have your systems in place. It may still take a while sometimes with crying and getting to sleep but you have a set of motions you go through instead of thinking what the heck do I try now. Well I do anyway, I have two things I do depending on where I am, I don't bother with other stuff, just wait until they work he still does at least one nap a day on me

yy to the 3pm witching hour Penguin. DD doesn't nap anymore at 25 months (She stopped at 19 months - the universe is basically cruel) and I think thats when she gets tired and it all goes spiralling downhill.

Have had some luck today with 'enforcing' a rough feed every two hours schedule on the baby. Toddler was at nursery all day though so not entirely tested yet.

My DH is also going away for three nights tomorrow Penguin, we can gibber with rage and exhaustion together.

It's the first time I've not at least had someone here in the days so not sure how I am going to manage. At the moment I sleep 10pm - 1am, 5am-8am which works fine but obviously relies on having someone here to manage the kids from 5am onwards! So it looks like three nights in a row on 3 hours for me. Yay.

Plus I weighed myself the other day and I am two and a half stone over my usual "fat" weight. The not being able to move for the last few months of pregnancy obviously had a major effect. So DH and I have started a diet which means I can't even self-medicate with booze and chocolate to get me through.

It's not so much the weight that bothers me as the feeling so incredibly unfit. Started swimming again which is amazing but feels awful to have to stop for a rest every five / six lengths. And no way I can even contemplate getting back on my bike yet. Where did my muscles go?!? Still, baby steps. Off to the physio tomorrow to see what she can do about my upper back now I no longer have a massive bump preventing me from lying on the treatment table thing! Slowly I shall rebuild myself...

Suchan hope you are settling down on the pills a bit now?

Ciske how are the boobs? Are you through the "tits like bricks" stage?

Good luck to grumpla and penguin flying solo the next three days .

grumpla thanks- pills have levelled out a lot. Insomnia has pretty much gone and am no longer clenching jaw manically like I just stepped out of a club at 5am. And generally have been feeling a bit less irrationally anxious so I think they are beginning to kick in..

well tonight was strangely alright and I was done way before DH with less jobs is normally done. Then again I knew he was the world's slowest washer upper/kitchen tidier. I am cheating by having them in disposable nappies.

grump yes it's the 5-8am shift I am also dreading. I think it will be the tiredness from that which will make it hard.

suchan really pleased to hear you are feeling better in yourself

Fear not you are not alone! DS would only nap on me or in the car during the day and this started at 2mo I shit you not. At times it was lovely at others more than an inconvenience. Nbr 2 had better be a sleeper fat chance but a girl can dream.

yes good luck grumpla and penguin! - I haven't even started doing days by myself yet as DP still on pat leave so couldn't contemplate being left alone overnight at the moment (although DP is currently gibbering on about going to Munich - Chelsea fan - so may have to face this soon...)

feel your pain on the unfitness thing grumpla. Am not worrying about the weight yet, as still only 11 days postpartum for me, so will give it a few months to see how weight settles, but it is still really annoying to not be able to wear anything except a dodgy maternity denim skirt and tracky bums (none of my normal clothes, even the very biggest, are close to fitting and all the rest of my mat wear is dresses, which are no good for bf). I wasn't fussed about getting back into exercise after DD but this time I am really champing at the bit to be able to start getting back into doing stuff for myself, including exercise. Hope the physio helps.

Much better day today - I knew as soon as I woke up that chemically I was ok again; and been able to cope with toddler meltdowns and the rain and feeding pain and the mess and everything fine. Fingers crossed for more of these days, and less of the anxious, teary, rage-filled ones.

Just realised I am up way past my new bedtime of 9; better hop into bed to try and get some sleep before first feed...

I am at the oppsite end of weight. I am still losing it, despite eating loads and no formal exercise. Actually i find it a bit disconcerting, I have never weighed this since becoming an adult.

DD naps, but after lunchtime nap DS can't be put down. On the days where he will play I can washing folded or dinner prepped which makes a big difference.

It seems a lifetime ago that DS was really small but yet like the time has flown by. Enjoy all the still curled up cuddles ohwhatever

Hope you are in bed Penguin !

Have you guys seen the MN Haiku thread?

Here is my contribution, in honour of our merry band:

Toddler and newborn
Nature's way of telling you:
"No more sleep. Ever."

so true grumpla!

things had been getting easier here as colds ebbed away so am shocked by randomly extremely tricky day today. struggling slightly!

well DS didn't go more than an hour after 10:30pm, often less. DD was up at 5:30. In addition to sinusitis I have a large red patch on my book and it's sore. I don't think it's quite mastitis yet. Actually I seem OK if a bit impatient with DD, just have a frantic day to continue if DS lets me put him down so I can continue

Suchan - good news about the pills, hopefully there are better times to come now!

Grumpla - boobs are good, I decided to give DS a few more small feeds to take pressure off so the last few days have been fine. DS has gone into feeding frenzy since Tuesday, so I assume he;s going through a growth spurt. I'm now secretly grateful about the bottles, as otherwise it would have meant an awful lot of time on the couch...

The rain has returned with a vengeance, but we managed to get out to a closeby town this morning and see some museum. Although I'm pretty sure DD's highlight of the day was visiting the Disney store (which I managed to sneak her out without tantrum or buying anything - victory! :o) I'm now enjoying a quiet coffee with DD napping and DS drowsing on my lap.

Does anyone else feel it's an amazing luxury when suddenly you have the use of BOTH your arms? I'm becoming quite an expert in doing the majority of chores one handed, while balancing DS on the other arm.

Flippin' heck, this thread's had a growth spurt suddenly!

Suchan hopefully the pills will coincide with dd suddenly hitting the 'magic' age.

Yes, good luck to GrunmplaB and penguin. THEre's been a crisis in Dh's work and he doesn't know when he's coming home tonight. It's sent me into a right spin, so I do not know how you cope when ohs are away longer.

boob's better, so I think I was probably kicked by one of the children at some point.

Another one here who hates the 3pm til bedtime teatime slot. It was bad when I just had the one, bbut worse with 2. I try to get outside usually - especially if there are other kids playing out, but we appear to be having the country's supply of rain here.

at penguin. I'm doing ok, but still have a column down the middle. Maybe I should stop shovelling in chocolate and cakes so much.

And ciske, it's not the two arms that get me, but being able to stand up straight. I seem to spend all day hunched over: putting dd in a sling, picking ds up for a carry/get dressed/have bloody breakfast/put shoes on, changing nappies, emptying teh potty, playing, picking up toys...I feel like I have to manually uncurl myself when I finally hop into bed for an hour or so.

ps. None of the manuals mentiona regression at 6 months to newborn feeding and sleepin patterns at night. I think I need to phone customer services.

Tried ringing customer services the other day. They kept me permanently on hold. Suspect I wasn't the only one with a 'none of the books told me' complaint.

Love the haiku grumpla-particularly impressive for 3 am

Right. Still on phone and wonder if I'll ever get to properly respond, so going to do it in multiple posts!!
Suchan- I hope that the pills are settling down and helping you. Did you ever find out if dd has reflux?

Penguin. like the others. I have really been trying but still stuck at way more than I'd like to be. I might have to start doing that running I've been talking about.
You should get the boob checked out. It's better to get dosed up and swat mastitis on its head before it really takes hold.

Astr0- am with you in the 3-tea slot. I've started to do playdates with friends so that toddler tea once a week is only my responsibility once every 6 weeks!
Glad the boob better!

mrsrvc still not 100%. The screaming has calmed down an awful lot but she is feeding very fussily with the occasional bit of back arching and crying and that, combined with the ridiculous frequency of her night wakings, means that my GP has put her on ranatadine. Only day 2 so we'll see how it goes. Also seing if cutting dairy will make a difference- her nappies are not at all right poor little mite. Any luck with getting an earlier appt?

Funny how the weight thing works. My losing weight is a sure sign that I'm unhappy and looking haggard and, a bit like Penguin, am struggling to keep it on. Perhaps if we put all our weights in together and divide them then we'll all be our ideal sizes..

Mixed day here. All was great to start with, productive morning with DS in childcare, good weight in with DD who gained 6oz in a week!!!! And then toddler tea playdate with wine. Then DS vomitted all over friends floor....
Oh well tomorrow is another day!