Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

You probably got off lightly Astr0. Think of the potty lips.

Astr0 that's gorgeous, I can't wait for an 'I love you,' I'm pretty sure I will melt instantly (am selectively ignoring the declarations of affection for the potty).

Got a bit of a nap this afternoon while DH minded the (sleeping and rolling around quietly amongst his toys on the floor) boys this afternoon. DS1 has had a brilliant afternoon, ate everything in the pork casserole leftovers he had for dinner - broccoli, beans, pork, potatoes, carrot - it was amazing coming from a boy who previously refused to eat anything unless it was pasta, toast and/or covered in far too much tomato sauce.

DH is out tonight so am looking forward to a quiet night in with my chocolate and feeling very happy that I feel well enough again for wine

Hi ladies.
Loving the potty love!
We are currently at the outlaws which should be easier, but somehow isn't. Off to my folks tomorrow for a few nights which should be better, although dh wont be there...
Otherwise I am now on mission weight gain for dd. I went for her bcg on thursday and got them to weigh her and she has now dropped over 2 centiles, hovering just on the 25th. So that combined with her back issue is not great. I'm going to call the hospital on mon and see if we can get her appointment brought forward as my anxiety levels will struggle to cope until the end of June. I find having a newborn (although she's not technically that at 13 weeks) anxious enough as we lost our first son (after a birth accident) and this is driving me crazy.
Thankfully she is alert, and engaged and contented. So trying to hang onto that.
Ds is thankfully on marginally better form, but still hyper! Oddly the outlaws think that it's a good idea for ds to share a room with his 2.5yo cousin tonight... Not sure that any sleep will occur at all but worth a laugh I guess. I have told dh that it's his job to deal with the whole affair. An hiding pretending to feed dd still when she is Infact already asleep

Oh Mrsrvc that's more than enough stress for one person and even more so after the loss of your son, I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you can get the appointment brought forward for your DD, it's amazing what you can get done if you happen upon the right people sometimes so here's hoping you get someone who can make good things happen for you. And that all is fine with your DD of course.

Loving your pretending to feed technique, I have been known to do the same myself on occasion, sleeping baby cuddles are gorgeous too, so why wouldn't you?!

Mrsrvc so sorry for the extra stress- hope they can move the appt. and so sorry about the loss of your first son. That must heighten your anxiety about your DS and DD alot. Really hope you get a break soon. Wishing your little DD maximum chub up. Mine would recommend feeding hourly all night but we might not pass that little gem onto your DD...

Really hoping the weather forecasters have it wrong for this week. Seriously running out of wet weather options..

MrsRVc hope things get sorted quickly for you, especially in light of your son. You must be going demented.

No more professions of love from Ds, although he did say 'sorry' when he broke the L on my (work ) laptop, so he's obviously majoring in emotional manipulation somewhere.

Hope everyone had as restful a weekend as possible. Dh took ds on his first train ride yesterday so I could have some peace, then we actually went out as a couple last night - to my sister's fancy dress party. THere is, for one day only, a picture of my costume on my profile.

I had a fantastic time. Dh accused me of being pissed, but I told him I was merely giddy with being out.

Babysitter fared less well, with ds not staying in bed until 10.00, but at least he stayed there until 830 this morning, so I didn't suffer as much as I thought I would.

Dh has just put ds down now, so I suppose I'd better get ready for the back to bed relay.

MrsRVc - sorry to hear about your first son, and good luck with getting the appointment moved forward. I can imagine you want to know where you stand asap now.

Grumpla- thanks for the tips! I had slowly reduced BFing in the past few weeks in the hope that the 'final' stop would be less painful, but no such luck. So I raided my sage plant this weekend to make tea, and I've had to get DS to BF a bit more here and there to make it bearable. I felt kinda low, but read on The Internet that you do lose a few Happy Hormones when BFing ends, so that must be part of it.

On a positive note, DP and I went on 'date' this saturday night, leaving DS in the care of this GPs. All went well, he slept most of the evening in MIL's arms and probably didn't even notice we were gone!

mrs hope you get the appt come through soon. Understandably you will be anxious and even more so as you lost your son.

Thanks ladies. I only mentioned DS1 to contextualise my anxiety. I sometimes think I come across a bit over cautious...

Feel like I'm on an endless stream of crap at the moment.
Both DS and DD have some kind of virus with a rash all over them. No temps thankfully and now at parents so only Gp option is emergency. Keeping an eye on both and hoping it pisses off.
Typically, having made a conscious effort to feed dd 3 hrly her poo has gone green!!! I think it's because my over supply has returned and she is getting so much foremilk. Just not what I need.
She had also got better with her sleeping, which is great, apart from the fact that I now have to wake her to feed her. I woke with a start at 4.30 this am as she'd not woken to feed, and had to wake her, much to her disapproval, only to get back to sleep at 5, and DS (who did miraculously sleep in the same room as his cousin) to wake up at 5.30.
On top of this my MIL has booked a holiday house for us ALL to go and stay in in the summer. Could be nice if they weren't largely mental/ rude/ ignorant snobs...
Oh well. On the plus side, dh told me not to send back the iPad that I had bought and been about to return due to dwindling maternity leave funds as he felt I deserve a treat.

Right. Rant over. I shall return a new, less stressed woman.
Hope everyone has a good night.
Xx

Not managed to do anything other than read this week and really need to get to sleep now otherwise it'll be time for ds's feed.

Mrsrvc I'd say you're entitled to be as cautious as you want with your own children let alone when you've been through such a terrible time before with your first son, I'm terribly sorry to hear what happened.

Here at Chez FlippingHeck the toddler continues to be the main source of trouble. Newborn is a jolly little boy who is making me believe in baby karma. I so deserved a sleeper this time. Dd is 2.7 and still NEVER sleeps through. I think he might before she does.

The solution to many of our problems seems to be getting out the house and chocolate (for me)

we have been on holiday and DS is now 6 months so started to think we don't qualify for this thread no more. He still wakes 1-2 hours lately.

DD was a slow gainer, 1-3oz a week which was a bit stressful but all HCP agreed she was otherwise healthy. Got down to just above 0.4th at one point and weighed less than 14lbs at 9 months. At 2.1 she is still short of 11kg and only reached 20lbs at 18 months. I do not have DS weighed although I think he is sticking to around 9th judging by other babies and his clothes.

suchan I'm a vegan so might be able to help with dairy free. I also avoid soy

Hope you managed to get some actual rest on holiday Penguin. I don't think qualifications are necessary for this thread. I get the feeling I'm still going to need support when they're both teenagers... Least sleeping wont be my problem then.

I'm also avoiding soy but really struggling to find calorie rich foods. Hours of carrying DD in the sling means the preggo weight has gone and I can't afford to lose much more and carry on bfing. Any recommendations for snacks/ treats? And is eating out more trouble than it's worth?

Today's wet weather activities: beebies and puddle jumping. DD a bit wet round the edges now..

V jealous at Flippingheck's being able to read. Thanks to my non-ettling tag-team, I always feel like I'm losing the thread of anything I'm trying to read at the mo.

Penguin, don't go! Dd's almost 6 months now (how the frig did that happen), which would mean I' have to leave too. And I need this thread! Out of interest, did you go on holiday somewhere hot? WE're taking the Dcs to Spain in June and I have no idea what to take. Actually, any of you who may have taken your dc1s when they were smaller, what did you do? How much suncream? I'm assuming my usual stack of books (and my snorkel!) will be discarded to make room for nappies and toys.

Ciske, did your date night consist of talking about the dcs, complainign about the loud music, being shocked at the price of drinks then wondering why young girls don't look in the mirror before they leave, before feeling sleepy at 930 and giving up at 10?

Ds love affair with his potty continues, although Ds spends his days pretty much half naked when we're at home. Managed to get down to just one sock by 3pm today! We had been painting, though. I didn't want to paint; I wanted to do non-messy drawing, but he ground me down.

I have to go into work on Wed, which means practising leaving the dcs. Makes me all of a flutter when I think about work and makes me think that perhaps mat leave isn't so bad. It's only for a couple of hours, but every time I visit work with dd I'm reminded how fast everything moves in real life - and how much I'm going to have to catch up on when I'm back.

On a positive note, it would appear that the dcs are in bed. The safety gate across ds' door has really pissed him off: "Want to get out. Mummy/Daddy go downstairs!" Dh informed me that ds was actually chewing the top of it before; like a caged wild beast.

Astr0 god don't be jealous my post made no sense, sorry, I meant I'd only had time to read this thread all week as apposed to actually writing a post. The only other thing I've read is the instructions on a packet of painkillers as I've had a bug.

Blimey. Hats go off to single parents. Both dcs's awake and am at my parents. Wtf do I do!!!

Argh, Mrsrvc! No idea!

Haven't been keeping up with the thread very well. Ds2 is driving me NUTS with nap refusal and now going-to-bed refusal, and has had spinachy green poo for the last few days so I'm wondering if he's got a bug? Clutching at straws, but I suspect I might have oversupply issues so am block feeding to try and help it. My right boob is massive now.

Nothing else to report, just continued guilt at wishing this time away, roll on his first birthday

Astro - you're not far off re: the date night. We spent most of it chatting about the kids, with me wondering repeatedly whether DS would be ok (knowing full well that he was) and I managed to get drunk on 3 small glasses of wine.

In good news, after 3 weeks it has finally stopped raining here, so we can go outside again! Which is a relief, because GPs are about to go on holiday which means a lot more days with both kids at home, and I am running out of ideas on how to spend rainy days.

hello... Just wondering, is it too late to join?

Have DD1 aged 2.4 and DD2 aged 5 weeks. DD1 queen of cling and tantrum - she seems to spend half her life on her back on the floor like an upended beetle, sobbing because of my latest transgression (mainly BFing).

DD2 is a little sweetheart, very patient but naps for no more than 40 mins. Sigh.

Oh, and we're moving house in 2 days and I haven't packed a thing. I should go do that, right?

Hello all.
Ds was awake for 2 hrs last night which in turn kept dd awake too. 3.30-5.30. Then he woke again at 6.30 demanding his gp's. So I obliged and dd and I then went back to sleep til 8.30. Thank god for parents.
Ds obviously been knackered all day, but after a trip to the farm this morning he slept for two full hours at lunch time. Bliss.
Back home tomorrow and bring my mum so that's good. I'm vowing to make a list of all the stuff I need to get done while she's there to help!
Sorry am on phone so can't read back now I've written and my brain is shit. Hope you're all doing ok

Mine does short naps too! It's driving me batshit. Glad I'm not alone. Or, er, something a bit less selfish.....misery loves company though....

Evenin' all. Greetings newbies.

Last night followed the usual pattern of toddler trying to escape, followed by baby freaking out after her 930 feed(wtf? 930?) because I dared to put her back into her nice, warm cot.

By 1030 dh and I thought we'd just give her what she wanted - our bed. Should've kept the old bed - it was shit and she'd've hated it.

I must admit though, I did sleep better not waiting for her to kick off (she slept until 530, then again til 9. In her cot.) Dh fared less well as she managed to work her way so far over his side that he fell out!

I have a sore boob. I'm hoping and hoping it's not mastitis (never had it before), as it doesn't seem to fit the symptoms, but the very fact mastitis exists is enough to make me worried.

kenobi - I have two dds too. Dd1 also loves the beetle impression pose and she also hated bf. she's still not overkeen (8 weeks in here) but doesn't get so annoyed anymore.

I'm not sure there's a timeline on joining us in the general confusion of two children

I have a 2 year and 2 month gap between my boys. The survival tips that worked for me may or may not help you but here we go!

I did ds 1's main meal at lunchtime, a heated up plate of whatever we had cooked the evening before.
I beast fed except between 6 and midnight. On between these times I went on strike! My milk was all weak and watery then anyway as I was knackered and it gave me a break,and he slept more on the evening as he was full up on yummy formula!
Cbeebies was my friend
Don't worry about the lack of attention, second child has something the first never had, a sibling and that is worth soo much
For bedtime I took the Moses basket into the bathroom with me or the baby bean bag, he just came with me through bedtime!
Oh, and a cleaner is a godsend of you can afford one
Good luck, it does get easier and is so worth it x

Afraid we went to Scotland, we did however live in California for the good part of two summers. Basically have a fair few hats and suncream.

I found months 4-5 quite tough mentally but I honestly can say I have relaxed into a baby that doesn't want to be put down, nap for more than 30 mins, wake 2 hourly at night (yes we seem to be back there, not that I actually count) and refuse milk in other vessels.

Saying that I was away for 6 hours and he took 2 ozs. He cried the whole time he was being fed but was normal the rest of the time. Which means I am happy to leave him if I want/need to. In the days before hand I went a few 4 hours without feeding and he as fine as generally we are busy that long when out and about. A week before hand I was really stressing, but he is 6 months and although not eating a lot of solids is capable of surviving. DH had him the sling the whole time and spent it out doing a little walk and a big drive. Yep the driving, basically we would sleep if he was put in calm but we had to stop frequently as he would still only sleep 30mins but he would do 30 mins chattering away before crying too much.

snacks? this is where I fall down. There are lots of dairy free biscuits, nice, bourbon, ginger and a few brands are soy free as well. Home made flapjacks crisps bowl of cereal. Sorry but for snacks I generally have soy containing but not soy based. For example most breads have a small amount of soy flour in. For DD I do avoid soy (except for bread which I aim to test at some point). She snacks on fruit, sometimes a biscuit, raisons, bread sticks, left over dinners

oh and get a proper buggy sun visor not one of those crappy parasol things. Obviously reapply suncream at most every 2 hours.

DH is going away tomorrow but three nights and it is fair to say I am bricking it