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Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

995 replies

Suchanamateur · 01/03/2012 10:27

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Grumpla · 18/04/2012 03:17

shit ebayers*

pommedechocolat · 18/04/2012 11:44

Heavy colds for me and the baby = no sleep at all and constant difficult feeding.

Yay.

How's everyone else doing?

Ciske · 18/04/2012 12:20

For the register:

DD 2.7
DS 8 weeks

Yesterday wasn't a great day. Travelling by bus with a newborn in sling, a handheld toddler, 2 bags and no buggy is not something I can advise any of you to do. Especially when DD started to tantrum and had to be carried as well. Who needs exercise when you have kids.... Also got puked on twice, and not just a bit of puke, a waterfall of puke.

That said, I do want to claim a few Good Mother points for baking cookies in the afternoon with DD. Which, in style of the day, were pretty burnt when they left the oven, but DD was proud as a bug and DP ignored the burn and was full of praise, so she was happy. :)

mrsRvC - I agree, bit of sun makes all the difference to a day. With regards to eBay, can you not claim money back as item isn't as described?

ohwhatever - first of all welcome! I found that smooth birth of DS had a downside, which is that I thought I didn't need time to recover and within days, ran around doing housework/entertaining guests when I should've been in bed. So be careful and make sure you still get rest.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Astr0naut · 18/04/2012 12:50

Suchan
DS 2.1. DD 8 weeks

Pommedechocolat
dd1 24 months dd2 7 weeks

MrsFLippingHeck
Dd 2.6 (going on 13) DS 8 weeks (mostly ignored poor little chap)

MistressPloppy
Ds1 - 2.6yo Ds2 - 10wks

Astronaut
Ds - 2.6 Dd - 22 weeks

Ciske
dd- 2.7 ds - 8 weeks

Grumpla, DS1 2.10 DS2 2mo

Louby

MrsRvc
Ds 23mo, dd 12w

SIlversky

penguin army

Ohwhatever
dd 21 months ds 3 days (!)

Astr0naut · 18/04/2012 12:57

Grumpla, I think you should've just left it as: "I hate shit." Pretty much sums up life with tiny people!

I will take the blame for the cold spreading. I got one over Easter and this mornign it looks like Ds might have one. Hoping dd won't catch it for teh weekend - not sure the babysitter will cope.

Days haven't been too bad here lately, it's nights that everything goes tits up. Dd has been waking for feeds as per, but having to come into our bed because apparently the cot isn't up to madam's hight standards. Ds is taking an hour or more to settle; he keeps jumping out of bed, tunning around then giggling manically when caught and frogmarched back to bed. Intersting tactics though; when dh goes up it's all: "I want to dance!" WHen I go up, there's a catalogue of injuries:"i hurt my toe/head/finger".

I have no idea what makes him finally give up, although I have a horrible suspicion it's when it gets a bit darker. And we have blackout curtains.

Almost had a breakthrough last night - Dd stayed in her cot after feeds! But Ds woke in the night and we spent an hour putting him back, listening, putting him back etc.

Buggers both slept until 830, but I was wide awake at 7.

Aiming to tire ds out at soft play in a bit. HAd no accidents with the potty this week, so we're probably due one. Ah well, it's wipe clean.

ohwhatever · 18/04/2012 20:08

Just checking in - on p14 of reading thru whole thread and so glad this is here; makes such a difference knowing everyone going thru the same problems and picking up some tips. And lovely to read the promising images of things getting easier from those on the other side

So today not so bad...

Good = no more afterpains when feeding, had a sweet moment with DD holding DS and patting him, still enjoying nuzzling newborn downy head, and just did first solo double bedtime which if not a triumph was not a complete disaster...

Bad = 3hrs sleep max last night feeding til 3am off and on and DS not settling in cot or co-sleeping (eventually fell asleep on DP who managed to transfer him), nipples cracked and v sore, DD v emotional and teary and almost hysterical at times - she just seems overwhelmed and it makes me feel sad even tho I know It Will Pass, and a couple of emotional breakdowns from both Dp and me over completely trivial things...

Anyway, need to try and get some sleep so.ehow in preparation for doubtless another night of feeding... Also need to get a shower as personal hygiene has already fallen by the wayside and I stink but not sure whether I will manage that with DP out...

SilverSky · 18/04/2012 20:45

DS 17.5mo
New baby due mid July

Had long day at work and have chased a toddler about trying to dry him after his bath and get a nappy on him. This should be a test for marines. I'm shattered!

Kitchen needs good tidy but I have zero energy.

Bump aching today and it's clearly stretching.

Hoping to get DS into his new room and toddler bed in June.

Grumpla · 18/04/2012 21:37

Ohwhatever - if you've had one of those weeks days when you haven't managed to wash, have a "festival shower" when you change a nappy (babywipe under the armpits) = no stink.

Obviously you will need to wash as well but it will help you feel a bit fresher Smile

That has got to be the slummiest mummy tip ever...

ohwhatever · 19/04/2012 10:24

Genius Grumpla! :) Why have I never thouht of that before?

Gloomy this morning despite better nights sleep. probably can blame some of it on the weather - come back sunshine!

Astr0naut · 19/04/2012 20:04

JUST STAY IN FUCKING BED!!!!!!

You are tired, as evidenced by: rubbing your eyes, yawning, saying, "I really tired now" as you slide down the stairs.

It is an hour past bedtime.

Miraculously, your sister has dropped off - for now.

I will be going to bed myself in 2 hours.

I can't start eating my mini eggs if I know I'm going to be bouncing up the stairs in a minute.

So for the love of god, STAY IN FUCKING BED!!!!!!

Ciske · 19/04/2012 20:12

Astro - Time for the classic bedtime novel Go the Fuck to Sleep.

SilverSky · 19/04/2012 21:45

I can feel the pain in your post astro!

Grumpla · 19/04/2012 21:53
Grumpla · 20/04/2012 05:45
Suchanamateur · 20/04/2012 10:23

In need of gaffer tape here too. Feeling a bit low about DD's sleep as she is still waking every single hour through the night and then hard to settle. Not helped by my starting happy pills which seem to have the unfortunate side effect of insomnia. Not a great combo. Can't even have hocolate to cheer myself up as trying dairy free to see if it helps the night wakings/ vom/ wind and disgusting mucus nappies. Dairy seems to be in everything so I think it's boiled potatoes for me...

OP posts:
Ciske · 20/04/2012 10:24

Bit of a bittersweet moment: I just gave DS his last ever BF. I'm not sure whether to berate myself for only getting to 2 months of BFing, or be proud for getting this far, considering I was close to giving up at week 2. It wasn't the same struggle as with DD, so leaving it now with good memories of closeness with DS and hopefully a healthy start to life for my little man. I also look forward to having my body back and more freedom to do other things, which is why I'm stopping. Still, it kinda marks the end of his tiny newborn stage and the start of him growing up, which is a bit sad.

DS starting to sleep better at night, generously handing out little smiles and also starting to enjoy time alone in his bouncy seat, making the toys jingle, so my boy is definitely growing up. Seems like yesterday he was a 4 pound scrap, curled up on me in hospital. Sigh. :)

Ciske · 20/04/2012 10:34

suchan - sorry to hear about the bad nights - and lack of chocolate! :( Not sure if it's any use or if you already tried, but I've taken DS to baby massage this week to see if that helps with his stomach cramps and vomiting. The lady showed a few strokes which are meant to help with colic etc. so hopefully that's going to work a little.

Grumpla · 20/04/2012 13:13

Suchan when I started on antidepressants I didn't sleep (at all, it felt like, although I must have nodded off for a while!) for about two weeks. BUT after that first fortnight I started sleeping better than I had for months - presumably as my body adjusted to them, and they began to help me deal with my anxieties. I found it much easier to get back to sleep if I woke up as my mind wasn't racing in the same way. It was certainly worth persevering. Hopefully you will also find them helpful - fingers xed for you.

Ciske well done for getting to two months! More than I managed. Hope your boobs aren't too sore - I found that gallons of sage tea and cabbage leaves in the bra got me through the 4 days or so of engorgement after stopping. Remember you can now take ibuprofen as well as paracetomol for the discomfort.

A month on from giving up I am feeling much better about it - not least because I can sleep whilst someone else cuddles DS2! Which at the moment is very necessary as I have a stinking cold and only got three hours sleep last night. As soon as I have finished my cough sweet I am going to sleeeeeep as DS1 is napping and my parents are downstairs with DS2. FF does give you a bit more freedom / flexibility albeit at the price of having to schlep to the kettle for every bloody night feed...

Astr0naut · 20/04/2012 15:55

Thanks for the support people. you can keep the gaffer tape though; it's an industrial staple gun I need to staple his pjs to the bed. He finally went down at about 830. Dd woke twice in the night, but that was better than someone's bloody cat which howled for a good hour or so outside.

My cats aren't allowed out at night for just that reason!

I've heard about 'Go the Fuck to SLeep', but given Ds's propensity to pick up swearwords, I may have to give that one a miss! He's started responding to lines in songs, so the Tom WAits songs I used to sing to him as a baby will have to stop too. I'm not sure singing about a man who struggles to come home to his wife and kids or a man who'd rather top himself than live without Irene would be particularly good for his imaginative play!

"Hello Fireman Sam, I come to rescoo you".
"It's ok, I'm jumping in a river to drown because Irene's left me."Hmm

Mind you, Molly Malone's not such a great choice either. I seem to have quite a melancholy bent when it comes to bedtime songs.

So far so good today. Mooched about the house, then went into the garden when dd went to sleep (still asleep!). Ds had great fun digging the garden and cleaning stones with his "wirty thing". I suffered for an hour, then got cold and eventually lured him in with the promise of Cbeebies and strawberries.

pommedechocolat · 20/04/2012 16:06

Bribing with fruit! Amazing...

Cold still continuing her for the baby so no sleep last night but she has spent all of today asleep. So no sleep again tonight I guess!

Loobylou77 · 20/04/2012 21:35

Hi everyone, sorry it's been so long, our broadband connection stopped last Friday and it's taken a week to get it sorted again. Not cool. Haven't had a chance to properly catch up on the thread but will do so tonight during the inevitable night feed...

Ages of DCs for the summary post above - they are 22mo apart:
DS1 (almost) 2.4
DS2 25wks (almost 6mo)

Started DS2 on solids last week, it's going okay albeit slowly. He has had sweet potato, banana and avocado so far and seems to prefer and actually swallow the warm foods. Can't say that it's responsible entirely for the improved night sleeping as I've started drinking a huge amount more water too, I became very dehydrated after everyone had the vomiting bug - guess I just forgot to look after myself in the midst of looking after everyone else - and I think my milk production suffered. So although he's still waking a couple of times in the night it's much preferable to hourly like it was before.

We have all had bad colds/the flu this week so that coupled with the rainstorms and hail we've been getting has been interesting - cooped up toddlers with aches and pains and snotty noses are not a great recipe for fun. DS1 also had grommets inserted on Monday which was a bit scary mostly for us, he was pretty upset when he woke up from the surgery but has bounced back really quickly and seems a much improved version of himself already (although he's still whiny and shouty, does anyone have tips to discourage that? We obviously tell him he has to speak properly if he wants something etc but he still does it).

Astr0 did you know Samuel L Jackson has done a dramatic reading of Go the Fuck to Sleep? It's brilliant - you can find it on Youtube if you're interested.

Suchan I really feel for you, the hourly waking and difficulty settling is a very recent memory for me. I hope you can find a solution very soon. And also hope the meds start doing what they are supposed to! I don't know what I'd do without chocolate so have lots of admiration for what you're doing.
Welcome to our thread Ohwhatever, reading your posts takes me back, I can't believe the time has gone so fast. I hope your DS settles and feeds well in the coming days.

Maiziemonkey · 20/04/2012 22:00

Wow this thread has really taken off!
I will read back through but right now hi to all.
DS is coming up to 2.5 yrs and newbie DD2 expected early July.
Wipes are so multi use aren't they , can practically wipe anything with them. Actually they they are really good for getting food stains out of clothes you may have just dropped your dinner on and they bring up a glass fronted oven door something lovely!
I think I can out slum as I have comfy trousers for when I get home so technically I am in my pyjamas by abou 5pm every day, haha.

Grumpla · 21/04/2012 04:30

Welcome back Looby Smile
Just had a horrible double-whammy of baby screaming for milk, just as bottle finally sorted for him DS1 started crying upstairs... Luckily my mum heard him to and could take the baby but it really made me feel awful again - how the hell do you do this when it's just you?!? The next time my DH is away will be the First extended period of time I have to do this on my own and the thought of night after night I it with no morning catch-up nap is making me worry already. Luckily DS2 seems to have actually gone back to sleep now (unlike last night when he was WIDE AWAKE from 3.30 until 7am!!!) so I guess I should try and get back to sleep myself, feeling a bit too wired after all that stress though...

maizie couldn't help but Grin at your oven suggestion, it would probably take a flamethrower to sort my oven out!

Somewhere on the other side of the planet my DH is probably getting on a plane to come home again. Can't wait to throw children at him and run off to the pub see him again...

Astr0naut · 21/04/2012 14:36

Are we all here? I know the weeks are all about a week aout, but it'll do for now.

Suchan
DS 2.1. DD 8 weeks

Pommedechocolat
dd1 24 months dd2 7 weeks

MrsFLippingHeck
Dd 2.6 (going on 13) DS 8 weeks (mostly ignored poor little chap)

MistressPloppy
Ds1 - 2.6yo Ds2 - 10wks

Astronaut
Ds - 2.6 Dd - 22 weeks

Ciske
dd- 2.7 ds - 8 weeks

Grumpla, DS1 2.10 DS2 2mo

Louby
DS1 (almost) 2.4 DS2 25wks (almost 6mo)

MrsRvc
Ds 23mo, dd 12w

SIlversky
DS 17.5mo New baby due mid July

penguin army

Ohwhatever
dd 21 months ds 3 days (!)

Maiziemonkey
DS 2.5 yrs and newbie DD2 expected early July

Astr0naut · 21/04/2012 14:42

Louby will have a look at youtube. Maybe the babysitter tonight can learn from it!

I think I may have cracked the bedtime with one person thing; Dd goes down surprisingly early - 630 - which allows Ds to finish watching Night Garden, before we creep upstairs to bed. It's not failsafe, but not too bad.

It's trying to spend any time with dd when there's just the 3 of us that I struggle with; ds is always there. Even lying on the floor trying to encourage dd to roll etc, "I in the middle mummy." And changing her nappy can be something of a feat when there is a small, semi-naked boy hanging from you neck.

Had a moment last night though, when Ds put his head on my knee and sighed: "I love my mummy."

However, any sentimentality on my part was swiftly quashed when he picked up his potty, kissed it and declared: "I loves my potty, I do."

I didn't even get a kiss!

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