Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

Silver, I turn into the Toddler POlice these days, because it's happened to Ds one too many times, whilst the other wet mother just sits and occasionally coos to her child in a soft voice. THe trouble is, 9 years of teenager wrangling doesn't disappear that quickly! It does mean that I can stop ds wherever he is with The Look or The Tone of Voice. Works on DH too!

Had an awful night with them both last night (ds and dd, not dh). DS didn't settle until 9pm - he's in bed by 7! He's discovered how to open his bedroom door, so we kept finding him in our bedroom or halfway down the stairs. WE tried everything: not speaking, lying down singing, reasoning, threatening,shouting. Nothing. THen suddenly, he just gave in.

THere were some funny moments though. I looked for him in our bedroom; not there. Found him on his hands and knees, looking under his bed at the cat (which he'd chased under there) saying: "get out, get out now. Mummy, can I pull its tail?"

Then later, when he cam downstairs, opened the door, casually turned round to shut it and addressed us with: "Hello. I been sleeping. WHatchoo doin'?" I really hope it was a one off, because spending my SAturday night running up and downstairs is not fun.

Dd took up the challenge at 2am, and ended up in bed with us at 4. I'm starting to get really pissed off with the pair of them. Didn't even get a lie in to make up for it - ds was still up at 6, although seems v over-tired.

Oh well, 8 years this weekend since I met dh and we're celebrating by...taking the dcs to see Show Me Show Me. Will be needing your collective positive thoughts at around 2pm this afternoon!

Hi all, just seen your thread- can i join?
I have little boy nearly 2 1/2 yrs and am due with next one in early july.
Am concerned about how he is going to take this addition to his family. He is not talking yet so makes it hard to communicate but has got early nursery time started because of this.
I am currently working full time, start mat in june so will have approx 4 weeks with all of us at home together. DH is fulltime house husband and looks forward to that time while i am off ( and is v happy that DS has just started 2 days nursery a week) but is understandably anxious about when I go back to work- this will prob be when baby is about 5 months old and it will be full time.
Keen to get any tips and advice about the juggling- and what important things the designated working person can do to help the carer at home with the kids all day.

hi i have an 11 month old and currently 10week preg.

so on the basis that dd1 will be 18 month when dc2 is born.

can anyone help me on things i need to buy for dc2 bear in mind i have everything from dd. bit lost.
also any good links to double pushchair recommendations.
and finally any good hospital bag lists.

dont have much cash and wanting to buy bits over time xx

I have to say a huge thank you to the ladies on this thread. I have been reading it every day since it started and your stories, good humour and advice have got me through the last 6 weeks.

DD is 2.6 and DS is 7 weeks, enough said really.

Today has been the absolute pits which has prompted me to find the time to turn on the PC so I can post instead of just reading on my phone. A crying newborn and a whingey, drama queen toddler has not a great Sunday made. DH is selfish devoted to his work so misses most bedtimes and Sundays, so I'm outnumbered by the little buggers darlings almost all the time. NOTHING is right for the toddler today and she is crying over every bloody thing that happens. She doesn't listen to a word I say, I feel like an American shop assistant with my fake smile and calm voice, when in actual fact trapping my own fingers in the door would be more enjoyable than calming her down.

I'm also attempting potty training just to add to the overall joy. Cleaning up loads of puddles through gritted teeth. I am having some success with a sticker chart (totally new to me) and mini eggs when a potty deposit is made.

The toddler has decided to have a nap today, which will totally bugger up bedtime and she'll be running around at 10pm. Thank god I can medicate myself with chocolate bunnies. I'm considering starting to drink again. Being T-total and a mother to two small children does not work.

Hi all,
Welcome newbies!
Such, hope you are recovered from your siege. Sil was locked out of her place for a week during a siege in hackney a few years ago. Bloody nightmare.
Astr0, enjoy Chris and Poi!
We have had a mixed weekend. Yesterday I was broken. A bad nights sleep, followed by dh being at a funeral in the morning and then two birthday parties with ds and dd in the afternoon literally left me in tears in the hallway at a friends house. Ds was on a sugar high and was hideous. Tantrums, kicking, pushing. I'm so scared that he is becoming the sort of little boy that doesn't get invited anywhere...
Today he has been a delight. Done all of his wees On the potty and played nicely with his toys.
Dd as ever good as gold, although largely neglected poor little thing
Looking forward to this evenings wine.

A week?! That puts mine into perspective. Same borough though so clearly an occupational hazard. More power to DH's campaign to move out of town though,

Your Saturday sounds fairly full on Mrsrvc. Glad DS was better today- I suspect we're all more sensitive to their behaviour because of the shit load of guilt we all feel. Enjoy yr wine. Have you got any further with an appt for DD?

Welcome newbies- lovely to have you join our fraught merry band.

DH's bday today- points for me for (a) remembering and (b) getting him a present (even though not wrapped and handed over in plastic bag). I also let him off sling duty which frankly was a major sacrifice.

YES MrsFlippingHeck I know exactly what you mean about the shop assistant voice. I just alternate between that and bellowing. Neither particularly effective.

DH has left for a week away today, got my mum here thank god. DS1 is alternating between exhausted and weepy / manic and literally bouncing off the walls, doors, furniture etc. He's absolutely covered in cuts and bruises as a result. Steroids are NOT GOOD for already-crazy toddlers.

DS2 has fallen asleep without having a proper feed so I'm now in bed wondering whether it's worth trying to sleep or whether I'd be better staying awake... Law of the (little) sod dictates he won't wake up until about five minutes after I do though, right?!?

Still, however shit things are I can take comfort in the fact that I didn't have to watch Show Me Show Me live... Astr0 sooo wins the Crown of Shitness for that

Hi Maizie in answer to your question about how to assist the parent at home, I would probably say more of the same stuff that makes it work with one I.e. general recognition that being at home = harder than being at work and being prepared to take over the second you step through the door! My DH and I both work flexible hours (part time, technically, although some weeks it is definitely more than FT hours!) and that is always the basis we work on.

One of the things I did before DS2 arrived was batch cook and fill the freezer, and this was so useful that I now try and make sure I put a couple of tupperwares in the freezer every week, either by making a batch of soup or cooking double quantities one night. That way there is always something for the parent at home to have for lunch quickly as well as emergency dinners for us both. Sometimes it is just too much for either of us to have to think about cooking / shopping on top of everything else!

Also making sure that your oldest child gets a small chunk of 1-2-1 time with each of you, every day. I find that this not only seems to help DS1 cope but also helps us cope - if you get to the end of the day and feel really shit about your parenting, it helps to be able to point to one good thing about the day whilst drinking wine .

Alamaya I didn't really buy much for DS2 but I would say you definitely need a double! I really struggled the first few weeks without one as my back was not strong enough to take a sling immediately (had lots of back / SPD issues in pregnancy)

I bought an ancient and slightly grotty Phil and Teds for £50 off eBay and it has been a lifesaver! I don't think it would be worth buying something new but a cheapy second hand will definitely pay its way - has been invaluable for doctors appts, trips out etc, mainly as a tantrum containment mechanism.

I also bought two secondhand Moses baskets this time round, have posted earlier on the thread about the important of places off the floor to store the baby!

Good luck all

Hi everyone. I have an 18 month old and am due for a section a week on Friday so will be watching this thread with great interest. (HELP!)

Already feel knackered so goodness knows how managing 2 will be! Alamaya - we've gone for a 2nd hand Phil and Teds which seems great. Got new cocoon off ebay for £30. You can get car seat adapters for it for maxi cosi care seat and can then be used as a single if DC1 then walking so seemed a good option for us - juts wish we'd not spent loads on an unadaptable single the first time round which we'll now probably sell for next to nothing!

Hello ladies - and newbies! I'm losing track of who's on here these days. Maybe we need a register.

THank you for my crown of shitness, grumpla, but I shan't be needing it, as I actually enjoyed myself! Not as much as Dh, who got really into it, but enough not to need a stiff drink when we got home. Dd, bless her poor little neglected soul (I'm with you, *Mrsrvc), slept in the sing the whole way through. Ds had a cracking time, although did decide to sit on my knee towards th end, then got quite put put as dd was closer to me.

The evening took its customary route of ds jumping in and out of bed, then dd refusing to go back to hers at 2am. Ah well.

Potty training is, I think, going ok. Ds only seeems to have accidents when he's distracted, although pooing is becoming an issue. HE holds for a day,t ehn his stomach hurts, then he's frightened, so he's on and off that bloody potty like it's on fire. Doesn't help that he eats sand whenever he can, so his poos usually exfoliate too.

Alamaya, I bought a pair of booties and two sleepsuits for when dd was born. Everything we had that age was unisex (didn't find out with ds or dd), so I guessed it would do. People bought us enough pink stuff to make a princess cry when dd was born, anyway.

Bought new mattress for basket and cot and went the sling/buggy board route.

First toddler group with two of them this am. Passed without incident. Feel like superman (low standards)...

Register a good idea I think. Dd2 7 weeks old today. Still no sleep and still no discernible pattern to her feeding other than too often. No thunderbolt...

Pommedechocolat - dd1 24 months dd2 7 weeks

Yay pomme on toddler group.

astr0 - perhaps you could develop a new line in beauty products alongside the potty training? Some people will give anything a go...
On subject of poo, I had double poo explosion at lunchtime. Bob had to have a complete change of clothes and a bath. I felt that years of education was truly worthwhile as I scrubbed a shovel load of shit off everyone. The clothes are now in a heap in the hall waiting for DH. I can't face any more poo today. Made me actually contemplate PT, but then thought that although it was unlikely that DS would get poo on his neck PT (how?!), he might well get it everywhere else.

alamaya second the sling. Our new double is gathering dust as DD hates it. But i do think her sleep habits are on the more difficult side.

DS 2.1. DD 8 weeks. Like pomme waiting for thunderbolt and sleep. Suspect I'll be waiting a while..

both not Bob. Bloody iphone

On phone so can't read while writing to tally names with stories but

Sorry about all the shit, I often think I'm way too overqualified to be doing so much with poo.

Show me show me your groovy moves. Sounds like a good time.

We also went buggy board rather than double but have a bigger age gap.

Woke this am with grand plans for being a better mother after the disaster that was yesterday. Lasted about 30mins before yelled at dd for trying to dive into cot and wake kill her brother. Things improved at toddler group with her roaring in another Childs face in a slide rage incident obviously learnt from me

Now reading 'Playful Parenting' in the hope I don't compelety screw them both up. Dh doesn't give it a second thought, maybe the constant guilt is a mother thing?

Also started re-reading 'Save our Sleep' as considering getting DS in a routine {what a fool}

Desperately trying to find the answer to all my parenting problems in books today

Dd 2.6 (going on 13) DS 8 weeks (mostly ignored poor little chap)

Oh and and potty training going well

Me upstairs feeding DS, dd watching Beebies downstairs

Dd excited shouts up 'mummy I wee weed'
Me 'oh well done sweetie, in your potty?'
Dd 'no mummy, in my leggings'
Me' groan never mind'

Any recommendations for Toddler Wrangling books? Have number of issues going on: throwing stuff, slapping faces, bashing remote controls on the tv cabinet, refusing to lay for nappy/clothes changes blah blah blah. I'm looking forward to work to have a break!!

I've not posted for a while as DP was off the past few weeks, which somehow made things more busy, not less. But we're now experts at all the various bits of entertainment you can take toddlers to on a rainy day. It was nice to have him home, if only to have some adult conversation during the day. I deliberately left him with double trouble a few times so he could understand how difficult it is, and, judging by how badly he tries to avoid being alone with the two of them now, I think he gets it.

Today back with double trouble and so far, it's shit. It's raining and DP took buggy away in car, so getting out anywhere will be a nightmare today. DS kept me awake most of the night, so I'm on a short fuse, and to make things worse he just vomited all over me, himself, and the couch.

DD is her usual self - wants to play and have attention, but I've been too grumpy all morning and, in all fairness, her tantrums probably wouldn't have happened if I'd had the patience to deal with her requests nicely. I lost patience badly and DS bottle went flying through the kitchen - yes, I have a very, very bad temper when I don't get enough sleep, I admit it. :(

I really don't have it in me to do toddler role play today, so DD has now given up asking and is playing on her own, which is cute and makes me feel guilty for being horrible all morning. :( DS is giving me that Look of Disapproval that only newborns can do, so it's happened, they are ganging up against me.

MrsFlippingHeck's comment about the American shop assistant made me laugh, but unfortunately, we're way beyond that now. Posting made me feel a little calmer, so am now going to fill myself up on coffee so I can brave the rain and public transport without buggy.

Hi, signing in for the register

I'm feeling a bit bleak, no routine still and ds2 feeding too often, purely because I don't know what else to do with him when he wakes early from his naps (EVERY one, 45min or less ) all cross and grizzly.

Ds1 - 2.6yo
Ds2 - 10wks

Hello, can I join you? I am reading through the thread having become a bona fide member of the newborn and toddler club on Sat eve (DD 21mo, DS 3days), only on p4 so far, but finding it very comforting already to read about other people with similar problems and feelings, and very helpful to pick up all your hints and tips.

So far still waiting really for things to really kick off as it were - DP is on PL for another week and a half and DS is mostly sleeping all day long still. Was v lucky to have a pretty smooth birth and recovering fine, so not as physically incapacitated as after DD.

At the moment mainly just struggling with hormones and new and unwelcome feelings (lots of guilt, a kind of anticlimax that it is not so exciting as first time round, pangs of horrible resentment when one child keeps me away from the other, a restlessness than I am not 'doing stuff' like normal, massive irritability and snappiness, followed by more guilt...)

Main practical worry at the moment is DS's preferred time for cluster feeding - 10pm to 2am. Ok whilst DP can get DD up and take her out or to nursery (she is still doing 3 short days) but once it's just me I'll fall apart if he keeps that up...

Anyway, I have probably whinged enough for a first post - nice to 'meet' you all and will get back to reading from p4 so I am up to date...

Hi ohwhatever, nice to have you à bord, and big congrats on the birth of DS

Suchan
DS 2.1. DD 8 weeks

Pommedechocolat
dd1 24 months dd2 7 weeks

MrsFLippingHeck
Dd 2.6 (going on 13) DS 8 weeks (mostly ignored poor little chap)

MistressPloppy
Ds1 - 2.6yo Ds2 - 10wks

Astronaut
Ds - 2.6 Dd - 22 weeks
Other regulars I need info from (don't feel excluded if I don't name you; just add name and stats. ):

Ciske
Louby
MrsRvc
Grumpla
SIlversky
penguing army

I'll try and re-post this regularly, so we see what we're all up against!

Ohwhatever
dd 21 months ds 3 days (!)

Can't add full register as on iPhone.
Ds 23mo, dd 12w.
Wrote massive reply earlier and iPhone ate it!!! Argh.
Basically was moaning about erratic toddler and rain leaving us housebound! Had better afternoon than expected as sun broke through and we braved the park so ds happy.
Massive irritation though that immaculate brio trainset bought of eBay has arrived and Is Infact cheap copy in shite condition. I may have paid more for it than it was purchased for ..... Bastards...

The fuckers, Mrsrvc ! I hate shit

Just been puked on and trying to summon the energy to wipe myself up and go back to bed. It's a sad state of affairs when slumping on the couch covered in someone else's sick is the most attractive option open to you.

Also, I have the beginnings of ANOTHER cold.

Grumpla, DS1 2.10 DS2 2mo