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Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

995 replies

Suchanamateur · 01/03/2012 10:27

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Grumpla · 11/04/2012 12:44

Oh god Silversky you definitely need to knock that on the head!!!

Or at least have a minimum handover time before it can be used...

Tell him it is for his own good as otherwise you might be forced to bury him under the patio say something you might regret!

Astr0naut · 11/04/2012 12:52

Grumpla that sounds awful. Poor little thing having asthma too. Sad

Silver, try a firm "Mummy's busy." Dh should get the message! Although ds now counters attempt to remove him from naughtiness with an anguished cry of: "No, I busy."

Sex has been off the menu here for a long, long time. SHouldn't've bothered with that pill prescription! Dh's poorly testicle incident didn't help, but generally, if it's a choice between resting or nesting, resting wins every time.

We tend to slump on the sofa after the dcs are in bed, barely speaking because we're knackered. Fairly big night out coming up in a fortnight though; fancy dress party for my sister's birthday. I'm pathetically excited about it - especially as it's a taxi job and I can drink. Been designated driver for far too long.

mrsrvc · 11/04/2012 19:21

Oh Grumpla, you poor things that sounds horrendous.
Silver, I sympathise. My dh thinks its "hilarious" to send ds to play with me when I'm having a bath. It's my one bloody moment of peace.
Had a terrible play date this avo. Ds hyper and visiting friend in a bad, not wanting to play mood. Basically revolved around me saying no, be gentle, leave little girl alone.... All bloody afternoon.
Hoping that dd decides to give us a bit of a lie in in the morning. The last two have been 5am starts so my temper/ patience etc is shredded.
Enjoy the evening vino everyone. Mine feels very well earners today.

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PenguinArmy · 11/04/2012 21:03

grumpla hope things are still improving for you all

Grumpla · 12/04/2012 04:41

Thanks all. Ds1 much better, still coughing but not wheezing. Hopefully upcoming referral with a paediatrician will help work out what the problem is as they are not sure whether its asthma or not Confused

DH goes away for a week on Sunday morning, really dreading it. Sad

Did manage to have a swim yesterday though which made me feel much more human. Slowly trying to recover fitness after being basically immobile for three / four months! Am not so much bothered about the chub as the feeling so sluggish and weak. I need more energy to keep up with these sprogs!

Suchanamateur · 12/04/2012 18:21

My children are trying their best to deafen me

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mrsrvc · 12/04/2012 19:27

At first glance I read that as "my children are doing their best to defeat me" !!
Tells you what kind of afternoon we've had...

Suchanamateur · 12/04/2012 19:29

Could well have read that mrs. Wine? Or something stronger?

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mistressploppy · 12/04/2012 20:34

Grin at 'defeat', it does feel like that sometimes....

DS2 is nearly 10wks and has never taken a bottle. He's never going to now, is he? Arse

SilverSky · 12/04/2012 21:00

Any tips on biting toddlers? How to stop them!? Distraction works best, saying no means laughter and a game.

Astr0naut · 12/04/2012 21:30

SIlver, I find holding them still so you can get a really good mouthful works for me....Wink

But seriously, ds does this when he thinks he's being a dog, or he takes it upon himself to chase me and playfully nibblebite my toes. I usually yelp and try desperately to escape, but when he went through a phase of it, we usually attempted to ignore him

He might surprise you, Mistress. Ds took a bottle from 4 weeks and never quibbled. Tried dd from the same time and she'd still rather starve at 22 weeks.

I still feel like I'm beng crushed by the wheel this week. Not enjoying mat leave at all at the mo, then feeling guilty. But then, every time I think of work I fall into a complete spin too because I panic at how much I need to prepare. Being pretty much confined to the immediate vicinity due to weather and potty training toddler isn't really helping, I suppose. Just makes me feel overwhelmed by their constant demands, and bored. And I don;t cope with boredom very well.

Ah well. Just Friday to get through. Fingers crossed we can at least get outside to play.

Megamum42 · 12/04/2012 21:45

Hi, My kids are 7 months and 2 .5 years. Good days and bad days are the way its going for me :) Whats worked for me is:

-1:1 with oldest when baby naps . (Baby has to nap whereever!)
-Praise star chart for good behaviour for oldest (just saying well done didnt seem to be working-he can be really attention seeking and was starting to be naughty loads just for attention)
-Giving warnings for naughtiness but no warnings for hurting baby
-toddler groups and play dates-baby likes to watch at toddler groups and at play dates indoors can be on the floor rather than just being held
-putting baby in the naughty spot e.g. if she pulls his hair by accident to show him I'm being fair :)
-the same bedtime
-being tough with baby re sleep-did controlled crying at 6 months as I was going insane with sleep deprivation as she would only sleep in my arms and woke every 45 mins even so. Now she only wakes twice.
-Trying to give them both random cuddles throughout the day
-having a double buggy
-ignoring stuff that doenst matter
-escaping myself for a few hours one evening a week leaving husband in charge!

what I find really hard is toddler tantrums, that the oldest has the patience of a small fly and wants everything immediately, nagging, winging, feeling guilty cos I cant give them both my all, physically difficult at times e.g. when baby wants to be held at the park, and strangers that make rude comments really upsets me (why do they do it????) some people say the rudest things-someone yesturday told me my toddlers trousers were too long for him ???? my reaction was so what (I didnt say this, I just smiled pleasantly), but does it matter?-he is not biting or hitting so who cares how long his trousers are!! (small rant, sorry!)

xx

Grumpla · 12/04/2012 21:53

Arf @ Astro's biting toddlers suggestion Grin

mistressploppy · 13/04/2012 13:21

Hello MegaMum, thanks for posting tips, some of them are really helpful, I like the bit about naughty spot for the baby, to be fair Smile

Suchanamateur · 13/04/2012 13:42

Non baby related drama in Amateur Sreet today. Just got back from taking DD to cranial osteopath (suspect I might as well have burnt the money) to find my street and surrounding streets closed by police, a helicopter circling, about 30 police cars and twice as many police with bug guns... A friendly policeman cheerily told me I should go and find a cafe for a while as they were holding out for a man with a gun in my roa and were likely to be quite some time. So in a cafe I am (burning yet more money). Not quite what I had planned for the afternoon. DS on nursery- he'll be deeply disappointed to have missed the nee nahs.

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Suchanamateur · 13/04/2012 14:07

big guns. Bug guns a very different vibe.

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Suchanamateur · 13/04/2012 17:25

Still not home. Tired baby and hungry toddler- luckily my sister in law has taken us in for a while. But now having to make contingency plans for tonight.

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Astr0naut · 13/04/2012 18:06

Ooh, exciting suchan, but we had two new lamp posts put up in our street today. Beat that. Wink

One of the women in toddler group was obsessed with me taking DD to a cranial osteopath when she was newborn and difficult. I was a bit Hmm, as she had a perfectly (seriously, never seen one like it) shaped head and had been born in 4 pushes. I'm convinced dd is just quite a deep little thing and struggled to adapt to the world. I'm not particularly deep (although thougth I was at 15!), so will be an interesting dynamic when she's older.

Feel better today, no idea why. Maybe it's because we could play outside and Ds finally stood up to his little friend on the close. His friend at 18 months older and always takes stuff from ds, which ds, whilst unhappy, allows. But not today! Today, said friend wanted his 'squirty thing' (plant spray bottle) and tried to take is (as per). Ds said 'no' and clung onto it for dear life. Get in Ds!

Now for that horribel little thug in toddler's....

Suchanamateur · 13/04/2012 18:29

Glad you've perked up Astro

Looks like we won't get back in tonight :(. Fucking annoying. Now having to try and put together emergency night stuff and negotiate somewhere to stay as SIL and BIL don't have any room at all. Really not amused and knackered now.

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mistressploppy · 13/04/2012 18:50

Shit, Suchan, that's crap Shock

Hope you find somewhere.

I put both sprogs to bed reeeeally early as they were both knackered - 6.15pm and they were both asleep Shock! This is bound to bite me on the arse but I don't care, it's so nice to have a bit of space

mistressploppy · 13/04/2012 18:51

And DH is out for the evening too Smile

Astr0naut · 13/04/2012 19:06

That's actually quite shit, suchan. Especially trying to get somewhere for baby andtoddler to sleep. Fingers crossed you don't all end up in the same room, else there won't be much sleeping done, will there.

Mistress, how bad is it when we look forward to our dhs being out on a Friday evening? I often see young, free folk passing my window on their way out (could just be getting pissed in a park, but hey,) and remember when I used to look forward to that tyoe of thing.

I'm currently sitting in my pjs watching the rain, and feeling elated that dd put her toes in her mouth for teh first time today and Ds pooed in his potty! Granted, it did take 3 hours of hopping on and off, telling me his tummy hurt and wanting me to make it 'go away' Sad, but he did it!

Suchanamateur · 13/04/2012 21:28

Finally home, 9 hours after I originally attempted it. Seldom have been do pleased to greet the chaos of our front hall. Have seriously overtired children though.

Loving the Friday night PJs and early bedtimes.

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SilverSky · 13/04/2012 22:01

No drama down our street today. Tho DS did front up to an older kid who tried to take a toy off him a toddler group. Unfortunately it took the form of clinging on to said toy, mouth wide open and screaming/roaring. The kid gave up. Thought his mother might have stepped in as DS already had the toy in the first place. Toddler group etiquette. Bleeding nightmare.

Grumpla · 14/04/2012 04:00

Blimey Such that sounds pretty extraordinary! Glad you got home in the end.