Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

Suchan, shush pat used to work well with ds, as did a recording of me saying "SHhhhh".

The mobile has been working with dd, but she has to go in sleepy - if she goes in asleep than wakes, it's back to the beginning.

Sadly, dd appears to regressed right back to newborn this week and I'm sick of it all. I spend all day deaing with poo explosions (her) and now poo in pants (him), then all evening on edge waiting for one of them to wake up/not go down. I'm now spending al night dealing with dd.

Last night she fed at 11, then 1, then wouldn't settle.Yet again I saw every sodding hour of the night and had to bring Dd in bed with us.Even if she's flat out, the minute she's put into her cot, she kicks off. I'm so frustrtaed; we've done this, she knows how to sleep.

WHat with DS desperate for me all day, and Dd desperate for me all night, I'm sorely tempted to go and hide in my sodding car.

Except I can't, because there are bits of twig and stones in there.

poo at nights here as well, am assuming it is the weaning that has done it. It is a right PITA as he fills his nappy then promptly falls asleep so faced with the dilemma of (i) waking him (ii) leaving him to the next one but risk his sensitive skin flaring up.

Penguin that sounds awful, I hope your DS is better soon. Good news on the doidy cup, gives me hope DS2 will one day take milk from something other than my boob!

Such, I agree re winding before settling, both my boys were prone to waking ten minutes later with wind or bringing milk back up. To resettle them I usually sing them a few songs before and while I'm putting them back down, seems to soothe them. Also rub their tummies and shhh them for a bit while they settle then leave them to hopefully nod off. Can take a little bit of grizzling before they go to sleep - if they start properly crying and get really upset I will pick them back up and start again. Doesnt always work right away but seems to eventually do the trick.

Hope you are all having lovely relaxing Easter breaks and managing to catch up on a bit of rest [busmile]

Sorry to hear about Easter illnesses and regressions. Am going to try and do better with winding and then settling (have a serious problem with patience). DH is going to have to step in I think, although he has less patience than me- a couple of pats and then it's 'she won't settle'. Shush patting works still on DS and like you, Astro, we have a shush recorded which sorts out half his night wakings.

My parents just did an Easter egg hunt (in the loosest sense of the word) for DS. He thought it was the most exciting thing ever- very sweet. However, he is high as a kite on sugar and chocolate, do no tea and a manic bedtime I suspect. DH dealing with that one though.

Thank you suchan. I've had to resort to sneaking bits of my easter egg from the fridge when ds isn't looking.

I 'hid' ds' eggs in teh iving room for when we came back from swimming. He took a novel approach - opening each one, having a bite, then discarding. I suppose that's logical if you're 2. He's been high as a kite all afternoon and attacking me with balloons, so I'm knackered (and suspect coming down with a cold, so will need to plough through my meagre Easter egg stash before I'm too snotty to enjoy).

HAd a wee accident today, as did his little friend who's also potty training. Little friend got as far as the exit from the baths and, fully clothed, left a puddle on the floor. Two minutes later, ds did exactly the same!

However, Ds (apart from another wee accident at home where he was so close!) has managed to have his first proper poo on the potty. Once we'd stopped him trying to wipe it up with tisloo paper, I was chuffed. His toilet chart (which can be described as from the half-arsed school, as opposed to SUper NAnny) is getting lots of stickers.

Sick to death of asking him if he needs a poo/wee wee all bloody day though, and debating whether I'm brave enough to take him to toddlers on Tuesday. Not sure what I'm dreading most thoguh, poo explosion in the toddler room or in my car...

such I'm sure you've tried everything but what worked for us was swaddling in a miracle blanket and playing a White noise app.

Other ideas are warming the Moses beforehand with a hot water bottle, placing a worn nightie on the mattress or getting your other half to put them to bed

I have been there and really sympathise as it's proper shit. DS had colic from 3wks and it felt it lasted forever.

Such, do tell the doctor/health visitor if baby is puking when you lie him down. It may be there is a stomach problem to begin with that is making him not want to settle.

Once health issues are eliminated from the equation though, I would suggest singing One Man Went to Mo - but the infinity version, I got up to 76 Men once.

A shush recording?!? Oh my goodness you guys are GENIUSES (genii?)

I think I read about it when I had ds, or white noise or somethign. He used to like me shushhing him to sleep and my baby monitor lets you record 2 minutes' worth of your own stuff and then repeats it for 15 minutes!

Sadly DD is so far impervious to it.

Jif, your one man song reminds me of when we took ds (then 5 months) on a mountain walk in the back pack. He was not a happy baby, so I had to sing Millions of little bastard speckled frogs all the way down the mountain. Every time I stopped, he'd scream again.

I'm impressed, shush patting and PUPD has never worked with either child (so far anyway)

dd woke every 30 mins last night and was awake for 3 hours at one point

ds slept but couldn't be put down (well only for 5 or 10 mins here and there)

it's fair to say me and dH were a wreck this morning but i've slept since, the dcs and dh are sleeping now.

Ughp. Your night sounds hideous Penguin. Shush pat only really worked for DS later on, but shushing really came into its own when DS went through an(other) early waking stage about one when DH, being lazy, couldnt be bothered to go in to try and settle and just shushed into the monitor. To our shock, DS went back to sleep. Unfortunately we only discovered the monitor recording function rather late so spent six months taking turns to sleepily shush into the monitor for 20 mins a time..

I think shushhing should be used in yoga to put peopel into a trance. If you do it long enough I swear you end up mildly hypnotised. Although that could be because you're deprived of oxygen.....

penguin lots of sympathy here, although last night dd managed to stay asleep. Just as well becaseu I've got a cold and feel shit.

Day 4 of potty training today. Ds did a proper poo on it yesterday and managed a dry trip to the shop with dh today. Has had 2 accidents at home though, but that's because we're trying to get him to keep his pants on. Not sure whether we're doing it right; whether ds is actually getting it, or what. No good asking Dm, because of course I was fully dry at 18 months after undoing the safety pin on my nappy and whipping it off. Apparently my dsis would happily sit in her own poo, a fact I will happily remind her of on her 30th in a couple of weeks!

Hi ladies,
Penguin, your night sounds horrendous, I hope you have a better one tonight.
Astr0, well done with the potty training. We are still sort of putting it off, ds going on the loo once or twice a day, but otherwise happy to wee and poo in his pull up.
I have that dreadful Sunday night feeling tonight. It's been lovely to have 4 days with help, and visiting my folks. Praying that the nanny is going to come to work this week as a totally childcare free week feels like an impossibility. Ds is being really challenging and I feel constant guilt about my neglected dd. whenever she sees me she beams and I feel dreadful about how little attention she gets.
Anyway, wallowing now....
Hope you all have a good night.

MRSRvc, I'm totally with you on the guilt front. EVen though we've been housebound ALL WEEKEND!!!!, I still feel like I've hardly seen dd. I suppose part of that is because she's having up to 3 hours of naps in the day now, but another part is because ds appears to have forgotten he has two parents and has become my fifth limb.

Had a good Easter, cooking for family and DD hunting eggs around the house. We spent yesterday visting a castle and the beach, much to DD's delight as it plays on everything she loves these days.

Today I've negotiated a morning 'off', in the sense that DP has taken both kids out and I now fine myself (gasp)... home alone!

I intend to spend the morning shopping, which will be so odd, not having to drag prams and children around, and being able to sit down for a coffee without unpacking half the world onto the table and balancing newborn while stopping toddler from dropping her drink on other people... wow, just wow. :)

Part of the deal is that I take Double Trouble this afternoon, so fingers crossed the weather stays nice as I'm running out of Things To Do on rainy days. :(

:)

Both of mine are asleep too. So I now have EXACTLY 45min (bit less as I've wasted some) to sit on my arse myself

feels nice to have a good post for once doesn't it?

How come everybody else's toddler in the WORLD naps bar my little monsterdarling?

Baby has hideous cold. Off to buy one of those sucky things later.

Right, well I'm coming along to spoil it all cos I'm having a shit of a time.

You know we're all on this wheel, where sometimes you're at the top and others, the bottom? Well I've hit the bottom today.

Have spent the last 4 days housebound with potty training toddler and seem to have done nothing but clean up shit from one arse or another. I'm bored out of my brain.

I have a cold.

Dd has slept badly for the past 3 weeks and now won't settle for a couple of hours at betime, so calculate I'm getting about 1-2 hours off every night before bed and the wake ups begin. SHe ends up in bed with us at around 4 and drops of perfectly.

The weather is shit.

Ds is super clingy again and I can't do anything, not even play with dd, without him leaping on me or wanting to join in. Here he comes now, so I can read Octonauts story to him. FFS, Cbeebies is on! Watch it.

THere was more in the litany of woe I assualted dh with when he said goodbye this morning, but I'm too tired to remember. I've only got 3 months of mat leave left, I want to enjoy it.

Oh yes, took them both to toddler's. Ds was fascinated by the toilet and kept asking to go - until he actually needed to go and I was alerted by his John Wayne walk and wet pants. Then dd pooed all over herself. ANd ds pooed on the floor when we got home, but did manage to get a bit in the potty so thinks he's done well.

Glad to see some of you are the other side though and able to chill, I've not had to have a rant for some time.

astro how old is DD now?

poo situation sounds a nightmare and when I don't respond it's because I glaze over at tt, rather than ignoring you

I found myself saying '....so that I only had to feed him every two hours' regarding DS and last night, but I was happy with it. I've found in the past few weeks I have changed my expectations of him, but it certainly took a few rough weeks to get there. Plus I know it can change again, probably after this run of bank holidays and our holiday next week i.e. when I'm on own again for 5 days for several weeks.

That all sounds monumentally shit, Astro (literally)

Gah, stupid baby's waking up. WHY won't he sleep for longer than 45mins???? Argh, he's just overtired all the fecking time! Just stay asleep, numpty-heid!

will he be rocked back to sleep, DS has been making loud noises for a fair while now

it's OK, DS is most certainly now awake