Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

Joining you with dd wailing down the monitor tonight. As per. Wouldn't be so bad, but she went down an absolute dream - until Ds escaped from his bedroom and ran into hers 'to make her better' .

Mrsrvc, that must be driving you mad. But presumably dd is mobile enough? Is it worth seeing a midwife or even HV (one of the good ones in your area; not the one who recommends maltesers at 3 months etc); they must see loads more babies than a gp and possiby be more attuned to things that are odd or not.

Further to people's Dhs being crap at reading hunger signs, I'm a bit like that . About an hour after ds is whinging, it suddenly dawns on me that he might be hungry. Embarrassing, as I always carry around a snack or two in my handbag/car in case I get hungry. I still have an emergency oaty breakfast bar in my car from when I was pregnant. I think it's from when I was pregnant with dd, otherwise I should probably bin it.

Marks place for July!!!

Ds will be 20mo when new small arrives.

Thanks for the much needed giggle Astro.

DS had meltdown at lunchtime and only rather too late did I realise that it was hunger. So I can't read either child's hunger signs. DDs face sometimes when I attempt to stick a boob in it when she is crying is a picture of

However am pretty sure the bite that DS gave his best friend today wasn't hunger related. First time he's done it - I was mortified.

Almost at my parents now- much crying but manage to force a dummy on Dad which took after half an hr. DS only just asleep. DH in doghouse for being massively hungover and sorry for himself. That's my job. The sorry not hangover.

Picture of withering. Before I had children I was both a pedant and spell checked everything. Now I barely make sense even to myself. Textual standards almost as lax as my housekeeping.

Heh heh, I bet your Dad would be surprised if you started trying to give him a dummy, *Such!

Perhaps this could be a new tactic you could recommend on all of the MIL / FIL / DM /DF threads

Took my own advice today and walked to the shop for BAnk Holiday Cider and Crisps, sans children. It's amazing how much lighter you feel and how much faster you can walk without attachments.

Had to buy my own EAster egg though, as Dh forgot.[buangry]

We have inadvertently started potty training [buhmm]. Last 3 nights have seen ds weeing on his potty, so today the nappy's off. Tried to put 'big boy pants' on him, but he prefers to be semi naked. Dsis will get a shock later [bugrin].

So far, no accidents. But he hasn't had a poo yet. And it's only been 3 hours on pottering round the house.

I'm quite gutted that it's this weeknd, as it means that we're housebound pretty much. It also means that any time we go anywhere from now on, I'll be that mum asking constantly: "Do you need a wee wee? Do you?"

That's hilarious Astr0, I took DS1 to the playground recently and he was happy and running around when he suddenly stopped and looked all crestfallen. Couldn't work out what the problem was until the smell wafted my way. Not really sure why we haven't started yet, except that I think he will prefer being semi naked too and we were waiting for the weather to improve and to be settled in our new place with no stairs. Will be watching Your progress with interest as I think we realistically will have to start soon.

The hourly night waking and extra daytime feeds continue for DS2. He was constipated yesterday so took him to the doctor because as far as I'm aware that's unusual for an ebf baby, turns out he's dehydrated from last week's vomiting bug [busad] I also suspect on the verge of being ready to start solids. Finally worked out he's 23 weeks now and we started DS1's weaning at 24 weeks after he suddenly started demanding more night feeds. Will give it a few more days to be sure but because he's starting to exhibit the other signs too I think it's probably not far off. Will most likely start with pureed sweet potato which went down a treat with DS1 [bugrin]

Oh yes, potty training. We're going to bite the bullet as well and are starting to encourage DD to use the potty before nappy changes and going out, to get her used to it. It's amazing how much poo/pee talk we've had recently. I've become the person I would have ridiculed during my teens, I can't deny it any longer.

Took Double Trouble out this morning so DP could catch up on work. Very odd, but I actually quite enjoyed being alone with them again and make my own plans. My carefully arranged routines have gone to pot this holiday week and it means nothing is getting done properly, and I'm getting grumpy at not being The (Only) Boss in the house.

It's crap when OHs are aroun isn't it? I always feel like everything should be so much easier at the weekend, but it really isn't.

1. my routine goes out the window - I leave my shower until 8 am (decandent cow), then dd wakes up and I've not even had breakfast or washed.....
2. I kind of expect dh to be around - but always forget about his frequent, lengthy poo routine.
3. HE tries to give me orders [buangry]. "You need to...", "Have you..."
4. He wastes time doing stuff that takes him away from dcs. THe washing up can wait.
5. It's very obvious when I'm mnetting and not being the doting mother I claim to be.

Ds has been a little corker with his potty today and has a whole column full of stickers on the fridge. Still no poo though, although I'm convinced he needed one tonight - a bit like when our fat, somewhat senile, cat needs one and keeps trying to hide behind the telly - he kept asking me to ake his bum better.

Going to risk playing in the garden tomorrow. God, I hope he learns quickly!

Good to know I'm not the only one who finds OHs at weekend fuck up disturb what fragile routine we have. YY to poo routine (the luxury) and two bosses. DS so knows he can play us off against the other, and DH seems to expect (two years and two children on) that we'll still have a weekend as we did in the child free days. Cue suggestions like 'why don't we go down the pub for lunch when DS is falling over from tiredness at lunhtime and whining and DD frantically head butting my boob. Oh yes, that'll be terribly relaxing. Especially as our area is full of uber trendy young child free hipsters who just love feral children and screaming babies disturbing what's basically their breakfast even though we've been up for 8 hours.

This weekend he has man flu after his tequila filled night out two nights ago, and I have barely concealed murderous resentment, plus 6 week growth spurt. He did take Dd off my hands for a bit this morning though, and my parents have been fab with DS as well as proving food and wine on tap. Turning in now to see if I can persuade DD that sleep is as fun as gnawing boobs.

DCs are being alright atm (apart from illness) it's DH. Not in him behaving badly, just the distance between us.

will go and back read properly hopefully

Was coming to post re DH being a pain in the arse, messing up routines and generally annoying me despite having been desperate for the weekend to arrive, but I see you all beat me to it. Resentment definitely lessened by the fact it's not just me. I do wish he could get his head round the fact that if he wants to do something as a family in the morning, he needs to suggest it before 11am. Grr.

.

Yep, we have the annoying late suggestions for the day's activities here too. AND the ridiculously lengthy and indulgent poo ceremony . I keep saying 'how do you think I manage to poo with both of them on my own?!' but he still insists its a medical necessity

Quick interjection from someone who's been there twice - regarding OHes and weekend, please don't wait for them to faff about. Make your decisions about what you want to do and do it alone if he's not up to it. If you are back reasonably early you will then be able to hand dcs over and get some sleep/mn time.

I spent years resenting, nothing changed, and when I finally just did stuff alone we all got along much better and occasionally we would get a full day out all together and I certainly got more time off. Let sleeping dogs lie as they say. And lead by example. Good luck to you all!

God what it is with these men and poo routines. DH the same over here and yy to the weekend routine fuck up as well. Plus mime has the delightful habit of falling asleep if he sits still for more than 10 mins. Seems to forget about the two children that need supervising. Luckily DS1 has got into a habit if shouting wakey wakey very loudly [bugrin]

And the ordering about [buangry] I have two little bosses during the week who.dictate when I can do anything so at the weekend its nice just to exercise some free will and I'm not talking anything drastic just shall I have a shower first or eat breakfast in my pjs. I hate being told right you do xxx now. As for the stupid questions, I packed for coming away this weekend for both DS' and was asked had I packed nappies.... considering DS1 is not yet potty trained so I change at least 10 nappies a day unlikely to forget. Grrr

But both DS' currently on form so can't complain too much

I think I get resentful because even though there are 2 of us home, it's still me who's pestered, while Dh gets to read the papers.

Shocking night last night (back to our usual complaint). Both dc went down well, but dd up at midnight for a feed- then she pooed; cue bleary nappy change and feed back to sleep.

Spent the next 5 hours up and bloody down with her until I gave up and took her into our bed. It's like she's a newborn again. Unfortunately for dd, I forgot she was in between us when ds appeared at 620, and threw him into his customary position. In between us.

Not sure who was more shocked - dd or me!

Day 2 potty training today and although we've managed to get him to keep his 'Tommy Zoom pants' on, there's still no sign of a poo. Getting very worried that he's keeping it in, especially as he tells me his bum hurts. I'll take him out to play after and the law of sod will, no doubt, cause him to poo in the street.

Just pooed - in his pants.

That made me giggle! Thanks astro!

Dh and I had big fight this am about basically what you guys were talking about earlier.

Astr0, what you've just described is how DS2 has been basically since he had his tummy bug. I am exhausted. DH looked after both boys this morning before he went to work so I got a few hours' unbroken sleep. Feel a lot better than I did but still very tired. And DS2 is now totally out of his routine of course...

Hilarious poo story although I feel a bit sorry for you having to clean it up [bushock].

Making Easter chocolate bird's nests with DS1 and some friends coming over too which will be lovely [bugrin]

Happy Easter all!

Quick q for those with littler babies or for anyone who can remember back. If you don't have a magic self settling baby, how do you get them to sleep at 'bedtime'? I've been boobing DD to sleep but she gorges on milk so that ten minutes after I've put her down (very asleep), she invariably pukes up and wakes herself up. The puking doesn't seem to bother her apart from waking her, but it's hugely frustrating when I've spent an hour and a half getting her down only to start again. She doesn't really seem to respond to rocking. Anyone had success with shush pat?

such how old is dd?

Hi Such DS2 is beginning to be a little more putdownable, but only if he has been very thoroughly winded! We feed until he basically passes out, but then burp him (seems to work best if i sit him on my leg upright leaning over one hand whilst whacking patting him on the back with the other ans joggling my leg at the same time) then once he's done a big burp hold him over a shoulder and jiggle / walk until he stops grumbling. This has the added advantage of giving him another chance to expel any small burps that may be lingering... By the time he's gone floppy again he will usually then be put down semi-awake.

Whilst I was still attempting to BF we found it worked way better if someone else did this last stage, if I tried it he often caught the scent of milk and started snuffling around for it again.

Even now I'm not, I'd say about half the time he decides he's still hungry at that point and we have to start again from the beginning! Hence the very long feeding sessions...

Also I have his Moses basket propped up for his cold, this seems to help with the vomming as well.

DD is almost 7 weeks. Have her cot propped. Think wind may be a problem but a thorough winding means she is super awake again, but perhaps I need to try more. Certainly have no luck putting her down if she's not totally asleep. She will sleep (and stay asleep at least for a bit) if I sleep with her, which we're doing at night but I am keen to get her into her basket for long enough for me to shovel some food in my mouth.

DS is mostly at the point of being put back in his basket, although he is still swaddled. This works if he feeds to sleep. In the beginning we found if he was co-sleeping he didn't need winding. It started by me feeding him to sleep in early evening then sneaking out bed, when he woke DH would (and still does) swaddle, rock and put him in his basket. Then he started taking him after first feed and I would keep him for subsequent feeds, now we play it by ear. He's spent at least the past week (maybe more) waking 2 hourly.

DS I think has caught DD's lurgy although his fever isn't that bad. Which is good as it is really hard getting him to take medication without at least half being ejected from his mouth. Has meant for the past 24 hours he has not been put down for naps and last night after midnight he slept about 2 hours, although he was calm. On the plus side he took just over 0.5oz from his doidy cup. Now he is weaning he seems to realise he should swallow what is in his mouth.