Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

Too busy trying to get DD back to sleep to see our troll before deletion.

Thunderbolt didn't arrive. As scrappy and sleep deprived as ever.

Well done on escaping the lurgy looby, and hope you had a fab night Astr0, and your babysitter a quiet one!

Mrsrvc am going to talk to GP about reflux tomorrow- only thing is she doesn't seem in much discomfort, bar our screamy evenings sometimes (but think that's often over tiredness) but then again she does cry after burping/ spitting up sometimes. She sleeps on her side with me in bed but I'll try and prop her more on the (rare) occasion she is in her basket.

marks place

DS is 2.9 and DTD's are 14 months. Its exactly 18 months to the day between them. planned section.with the twins.
I survived. but...pnd and numerous breakdowns plus buying our first house along with DTD 's having CMPD and DS having uncontrolled asthma at the time made 2011 the hardest year of my life.
touch wood we have come through to the other side of a month of ear infections between the three of them and things are getting easier. I couldn't have survived without my without my mil, mum and df.
you get through it because you have to. you have no choice. believe me there were so many times I wanted to walk away and jump the nearest bridge/cliff whatever.
accept all help offered, make use of take away menus, put cbeebies on, don't bother showering unless you have to and smell like a tramp, ditch the make up/straightners etc and just concentrate on getting through the days. xx

Ds2 is 6 weeks old today!!!

Bring on the end of the griping / grizzling / two ounce hourly feeds stage now please.

Another no shut eye but shit eye night last night. Only actually IN bed for five hours and woken twice. DH in foul mood this morning despite having gone to bed at 10, laid in gone 8 when i suggested to DS2 that he go and play Wake Up Daddy and only done one night feed (albeit an hour and a half). This makes me feel a bit stabby hard done by.

Luckily it's a nursery day for DS1 and my lovely pal is sitting with DS2 now so I'm going to try and get an hour's sleep. Zzzz...

Nap fail

I think I've actually reached the stage where I'm too tired to sleep.

Poor Grumpla that sucks. How about eating junk food instead?

GRumpla, don't you know by now? It doesn't matter how little sleep you get; your OH will always have had a worse night - even though they never actually have to leave the bed.

Gutted I missed a troll. What was shhe trolling about? ANd why choose an every day thread like this?

Would like to point out that I MNd whilst eating Pot Noodle last night, therefore saving time. ANd ladies, no matter how desperate you get, don't Pot Noodle. It's just not worth it.

In spite of lack of sleep, I had a really good night. THe 12 'comedians' had been trained for 12 weeks, so were surprisingly good. I kind of thought we'd be sympathy laughing, you know? But it was absolutely genuine. A couple were a bit weak, but overall the standard was incredibly high. Not sure what my mum made of all the swearing, but my dad seemed to enjoy himself - even though at one point I heard him muttering, "that's an old one, that." Yes dad, but most of the people here aren't as old as you. Dh said the crap ones has bowed out some weeks ago.

Dh did make one faux pas - launching into: "As a single man, I find...Oh shit, my wife's in the audience!" He did apologise and said his initial spiel had been in that persona. Got a laugh though.

However, as his act was based on the tragic fact that a man's pride and joy (his testicles) begin the inexorable droop at 40, my friends and my mother now know much more about DH than they ever needed to know. Does it sound inappropriate to say I was proud of him?!

Very, very tired today though. Cbeebies will be my friend and I will be doing the mini eggs in when ds isn't looking.

Bloody DS stayed in bed! I need to go out more. DD less well behaved, and I saw that Calpol had been employed in the end, but my babysitter is willing to do it again, so can't have been too horrific.

Hope it's not too rainy where everyone else is today. My washing has now been on the line since SUnday . On the bright side, at least Dd's poo stains will have been washed out!

Suchan menat to say I w as convinced dd had silent refluc, but she never threw anything back up. I kept trying to introduce the idea to midwife/hv, but no one ever took the bait. She seems to have grown out of it and I'm still not sure what it was. Maybe she just hadn't developed enough (even though she over-cooked by a week).

Why don't they come with a description? Don't need a manual this time, just some pointers.

Oh, did anyyone do BLW with dc1? I started ds on baby rice at 21 weeks. Dd hits in on Fridat but I can't be arsed with all that again - and bugger me it's come fast.

Astro - I still think DS2 might have silent (and sometimes not so silent) reflux, but so far it's not really disrupting things enough for me to bother seeing the gp for meds. DS1 had Gaviscon and it was a bit of a pita as I had to make sure he only had full feeds; no quick nip of a boob to soothe - as if he'd had a dose of Gav it needed a lot of milk to keep the concentration right, iyswim.

And yes, we did BLW with DS1, it was great. Started with chip-sized bits of courgette, broccoli etc. All you have to avoid is salt and honey (if you start at 6mo)

Thanks guys. DS2 still very unsettled although in the pram now so I'm doing some gardening whilst he naps. In my sleep deprived state it feels like an extreme sport. There are tools involved. And electricity. Wish me luck...

Survived my gardening attempt and got lawn mowed before the deluge! Amazing what a sense of achievement a small non-baby related task can give you. I can't quite believe how much I used to get done before I had children...

Meant to say earlier Astro your night out sounds ace except for the pot noodle of course

Princessblods That sounds like hell on wheels a lot to cope with all at once!

Very impressed by your husband's effort Astr0, it's hard enough speaking in public without the expectation of being funny with it! I would have been very proud too. You frightened me a bit with the thought of weaning, I have lost track of exactly how old DS2 is in weeks. I think we started weaning DS1 around 24 weeks which I don't think is far off for DS2 at all.

I agree it's come along much faster than I expected and am also considering BLW, DS1 has never been one to put anything in his mouth but DS2 is the total opposite so I think it could work quite well. For those who have done it before I understand the advantages but what would you say were the downsides, if any?

Well done to you Grumpla on your gardening, I completely understand wanting to get something non-baby related done. We are not quite there with our unpacking and sorting yet and far too many days have gone by without the vacuum cleaner getting anywhere near out of the cupboard

Ooh loobylou I did blw with DS
Up sides- not so much food prep-DS started with toast, strawberries, avocados etc, DS will now try pretty much any food I give him- he won't eat it if he doesn't like it but he always gives it a go
Down sides- messy, messy, messy. My housekeeping skills are lax to say the best so I kept on finding buts of spaghetti bolognaise everywhere. Also it took DS a while to get used to what was going on so he didn't really eat much til probably about 8 mo- I had to be quite relaxed about him getting a lot of his nutrition from milk still. Now he eats like a horse though!

We had an awful night the night before last- DS has started throwing HUGE tantrums and kicks his legs and hits when he is angry, he woke at 2 and just would not settle even though I was beside him, DH came into help and DS clawed his face, he now has a fetching little scab under his eye. Anyone else have experience of anything like this? I have no idea how to manage it. He is generally very happy and content, but the strops are definitely getting stroppier. Most of the rage is directed at DH, it almost feels like he's starting a bit of a power struggle but he's only 2... Is that even possible? Or is he just doing what 2 y olds do? Argh!

belle - maybe a reaction to dd?? Dd1 has been stroppier since dd2 but she was always very stroppy and dramatic anyway so not such a shock here

Good thing you did your gardening yesterday, Grunpla, if your weather's anything like ours, it's shit. Not even any snow to play in. TYpical. Just when I thought we'd come out of teh other side and survived winter, it's back!

Mosta, we put any bizarre or odd behaviour in ds down to being 2. When he stops being 2, we will struggle for a few years, then we will blame everything on his being a teenager. To be honest, Ds isn't a violent tantrum thrower, he tends to take it out on himself more. It's the low level whining and whining and whining that drives me round the twist. "I want....I want...that. No-ho-ho-o, I want... a rusk. I want sioclet. I want waisins. I want..." You want my undidvided attention and you don't know how else to get it, that's what you want.

Had another horrific bedtime. Ds settled after an hour, although I think he was still talking to himself and I've found lots of bits of sealant, which he's peeled off the window. Dd didn't calm down until 9, which left with me a whole hour to myself.

Big excitement last night was DS having a wee (or 3) in the potty. I asked if he wanted a go, but he said "Mummy do it." I pretended, then surreptitiously squirted some water in. Ds was then desperate for a go, and much to my surprise, did it!

Didn't actually want to start training, but this morning he ran downstairs, pulled his trousers and nappy off and had another go. Mind you, has lost interest since I put the telly on, so not sure what the hell we're doing now!

We have started weaning here, although he is 24 weeks not 26. We are doing BLW and porridge has been a big hit so far. DD didn't do messy foods and now I realise how messy BLW can be. It got to the point where it was more work to not give him food. He's nibbled a few bits of fruits and would cry when it dropped etc. He can pick food up from his tray and he loves it. By weaning, I mean I only make sure he has one meal a day. He normally has more (well it's only been a few days) but I don't go out of my way to feed him, as if he's in the right place sleep and BF wise I might be out or hands full with DD.

I also feel like we're getting to a manageable state now. DS has a routine that has emerged. Still needs a fair amount of holding and getting to sleep is still hard work but I don't know it seems different. Probably I've changed more than anything, I'm happy with him not sleeping when out and I know how to bounce him a little to calm him down. Once people talk to him the smiles come out so distraction is our friend. I've started to get him in his moses basket to sleep at lunchtime, DH gets to sleep before he leaves for work. He only does 30 mins but after the initial 30 mins at lunchtime I can keep him asleep if I lay with him in bed but at least I get that initial period of two free hands. He is then due a sleep when DH gets in (I try, can get him off but not put down as DD runs round too much). So he gets handed to DH while me and DD make dinner. I put DS to sleep while DH washes/tidies up and for putting DD to sleep we play it by ear, he probably does it a bit more than I do.

Hi everyone

DS2 had his jabs yesterday which was surprisingly un-traumatic - I just pulled his legs out of the sling, and he barely woke up; quick scream and that was it.

He seemed fine afterwards and slept from 8.30pm - 4am without a feed

BLW - it's great but slow, used to take DS1 an hour to fiddle his way through a meal. We resorted to spooning some bits as well, as I found solids helped his reflux

Largely ignoring the potty here too Penguin

I wish babies had a little dial on them which let you know how long they were planning to sleep for. BOTH of mine have been napping for an hour and twenty minutes

If I'd have known, I'd have embarked upon something more worthy than loafing about and drinking tea. Maybe.

That's annoying, then you feel guilty for having done anything. DS is now in bed sleeping/feeding so it's watching TV on the laptop until DD wakes.

Can I just..... AAAAAAAARRRGGHHH

Thats (sort of) better. Having one of those I really cannot cope days - and we're only at 6 weeks. Nothing particularly difficult happening but feel fed up and worn down by having to have DD constantly in the sling on me, and DS' whining. I just want 2 minutes where I actually am not touching a baby. And I feel horrible for saying that. DD has also been difficult to settle in sling today so is overtired and screechy.

Cannot see how I can cope with this going forward. I know I've no choice and just have to suck it up but the impact of pretty much sleeping in only hour slots is really beginning to catch up with me and I can't see past the blur.

DH keeps talking about us going on 'holiday' to my parents this weekend. Except that it won't be a holiday - it'll be a 2 hr car scream fest from DD on the way there and back and then another four days of me trying to get her to sleep while everyone else plays with DS.

Sorry. Rant over. As you were. Had to get that Off my chest. Tried to talk to DH this morning about it but he didn't help.

Suchan, you sound really fed up. I hope you get a break soon. Just remember each day you get through is one you won't have to do again, and it'll get better soon not that I take my own advice

Had an idea - could your Dh drive the dc to your parents and you get the train? You could sleep/read/generally have some non-baby time

Thanks Mistress. I think we may do a version of your idea- baby and I on train and DH and DS in car. DS gets so upset when she cries like that, it's not fair on him.