Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

Had a bit of a breakthrough here. Got DS1 to have a much earlier afternoon nap which means we can do something to work up an appetite before tea. He's eaten much better si has behaved better at bedtime. Early days but hopeful this will help.

And about time too as DH has huge deadlines this week so I'm effectively a lone parent all week as he'll be gone before they get up and only back once they are in bed. Helps that DS2 slept between 11.30 and 5.40 last night. I feel like a new woman.

My sleeping through dd was too good to last. Hey ho.

Dh is convinced that I start on 'the mummy juice' the minute the breakfast dishes hit the bowl, so I'd definitely go with the pink fizz! I think there's a reason gin was known as mothers' helper.....

Busy day here. Went for one of my big walks am, but mistimed it, so only had 20 minutes to do everything before going to get ds from nursery and meet a friend to feed the ducks

We got there late, although I should've been later,because dd had chosen the car journey to poo - first one in over a week. I'm sure you've seen the rest. Bloody good job I always keep an emergency sleepsuit to hand!

Ducks were fine, but ds had a meltdown because a. I wouldn't let him climb the ruined abbey , b. he'd pooed and apparently I should have known - even though he was running away from me at the time and c. there were no biscuits in the changing bag. Dd decided that she too, was unhappy, so our nice afternoon out resulted in both crying. THere really is nothiogn liek the sound of two small people kicking off at the same time, is there?

I should be getting stuff out for ds' tea now, but we've not long got in and I need to have a minute. Now where did I put that mummy juice......

TWinkle, not sure if it's just a county thing. I know of 3 baths in our county that offer free swims at the weekend. Apparently all baths in wales have to offer 7 hours of free leisure, or something.

It seems to be word of mouth round here - no posters or anything, so maybe contact your local council. And if they don't do it, tell 'em they do in FLintshire!

Have been up and down stairs constantly since 7pm. Dd is (so far) out for the count. Ds managed to turn his groclock to sunshine, "Look mummy, sun up! I draw you a picture. You a dinosaur!" and has been up and down ever since.

I even threatened him with a smacked bum, but as he's never had one, he laughed. I was shit scared of my dad when he threatened that (and he never hit us either), what am I doing wrong?

Hey all.
Thankfully I'm feeling more human today, and it's actually been good. Ds still refusing to eat much other than fruit toast, but otherwise we only has a tantrum when he was only allowed one episode of mr tumble.
The highlight of the day however was by far the fact that they both slept, in their cots at the same time for an hour and a half!!! I have little idea how this was achieved but it was bloody brilliant!!
Hope you are all about to enjoy a large glass of mummy juice. Xx

Clocks going forward seems to have brightened dd1's mood considerably thank god. Much better day.

She still cries if she's not adequately distracted when I feed dd2 but today when I was fussing her about drinking water she told me to go feed baby!

Happy Tuesday everyone :) Knee still sore but on the mend now rather than getting worse thank goodness. The clocks going forward has meant DS1's previously far too early waking time now seems reasonable at 6.30am. He woke up yesterday singing to himself, it was a lovely start to the day.

Introducing the bottle isn't going so well but we will keep at it. Thinking about trying him on a straw/sippy cup instead and then I guess trying different bottles and teats if that doesn't work.

Not sure if any of you are familiar with it but a friend recommended Save Our Sleep by Tizzie Hall, in reading through it I recognise some of DS2's feeding and sleeping habits so am working on improving them, feel like there might be a light at the end of the broken sleep/never feeding properly tunnel :)

Third night in a row DS2 has woken for two night feeds less than 2 hours apart (so effectively one giant "fucking around with milk" session as I dot have time to get back to sleep for more than 15 mins in between) and I am getting quite cross now. He only seems to want a couple of oz each time, so it really should be one feed!

Debating whether to attempt putting him off at the first waking with a dummy (we have had moderate success with dummies unlike with DS1) but worried that will just prolong the agony... Aaaaargh.... I just CANNOT deal with being awake for three or four hours like this, it is turning me into a zombie.

Well I'm co-sleeping now which terrifies me but does mean a little more sleep is had while DS2 feeds. I fall asleep and wake up in a panic that he's in the bed with me. However now party time is until at least two and DS 1 will be up In an hour so I have to sleep sometime!

How?!? How is this meant to work?!? I've been awake since 3am, DS2 will NOT be put down, DS1 is now charging around upstairs with granny. I genuinely have NO IDEA how I am meant to do this on my own. Do I just kidnap my MIL and keep her locked in the garage so that she's here every time DH works away? Would that be okay?

I tried "co-sleeping" again for about twenty minutes at 6am, DS2 grunted for ten minutes, wailed whilst poking me in the face for ten minutes and then became so enraged he vomited. DS1 was never a fan of co-sleeping either so I don't reckon that's going to work. I suspect the key ingredient I'm lacking is a boob dispensing milk.

Thanks to the amazing powers of infacol, DS2 managed to wake only 3 times tonight and went without his usual grizzling in between... Also a lot less vomiting and straining post-feed, so we might be on to something here.

Grumpla - not sure if you already do this, but when swapping to formula milk with DD1, we had DP to most of the feeds initially. This stopped her from getting distracted/tempted by what was previously on offer. The teats that worked for us where the tommy tippee round ones, apparently made specifically for mixed feeding.

DD1 slept till 6.47!!!!!!!!! I feel like this should be on the national news. DD2 however for the first time ever in her short life was not asleep in the 6am-7am hour.

She did space her feeds out better than hourly however through the night.

I'm attempting a baby clinic in a location I've never been to before this am. Hah!

Grumpla - Sling? Im no fan (in fact I hate 'baby wearing') but dd2 loves the horrible bjorn thing and it does help every so often to get dd1 sorted without dd2 screeching.

I love my slings, used them more than a pram until DS1 got too massive. Hadn't really thought about using them inside so much, maybe that would help...

DS2 snorting and puking a lot this morning so I may try a couple of different bottles. DS1 was never colicky or sick so it's a bit of a shock to have to deal with! He just chugged happily away on the Avent jobs but DS2 is definitely more of an Exorcist-type baby part of the problem seems to be that the type 1 tests are too slow and he sucks so hard he pulls in more air and gets really cross, but with the type 2 he fills up too fast... and I keep forgetting to stop and burp him .

Right now though DS1 is at nursery and lovely lovely MIL is taking DS2 for a walk so I am going to SLEEP!

Hope you actually managed to sleep, GRumpla.

Last night should've been good; dd woke to feed at 10, then again at 450. However, she then didn't settle until 630...when ds woke up. I think I'm still tired from yesterday too. You don't realise how exhausted you get when you're running about all day, it takes its toll the day after. Maybe that's why we shouldn't have babies in our 30s!

I really shouted at ds this morning because, well, he was just being a toddler (not letting me dress him, refusing to come downstairs). I realised I actually might have frightened him, when he started crying when I stormed up the stairs to get him. I apologised for shouting, but I'd seriously wanted to smack him, so he got off lightly. Some mornings you just can't cope with blooody toddler behaviour.

I'm definitely a convert to slings, got a moby for dd and love it. However, as it's getting warmer, I've been advised to get a more open one, like a babyhawk. So hands off ebay!

I've had a shouty day today too. DS1 also being a toddler: "why? Why? WHY?" times 1000, and my bastard Hoover won't suck, even though I can't find a blockage.

They've both gone to sleep now, one on each of my arms so can't decide between a) sleeping myself, b) trashy daytime tv or c) reading and quietly sniggering at the AIBU board...

So glad you managed to get some sleep Grumpla TBH I never sleep very well when the baby is in the bed with me anyway, I don't really want to be doing it.

I suddenly cottoned on to using the sling indoors last week after, having to give in to constant demands to 'play trains' on the floor. I can also do limited cooking if I get everything out of the cupboard beforehand. still everything went to pot at lunch time my sister phoned on a really bad line to tell me she'd been hospitalised abroad. I was trying to shout encouragingly down the phone as the baby howled on my shoulder and DS1 was trying to climb the curtains with pizza all over his hands. Then baby had a massive poo explosion all through through his clothes and on to mine. Complete chaos!

Another shouty morning here. Took DD1 to music toddler group, all was fine until I had to do a double nappy change and we all got so frustrated, I put her in the pram and went home, with her wailing because she wanted to play. All was fine at the end of a 40 minute walk, but has gone downhill again as I'm attempting to nap them both.

I can hear DD1 sobbing in bed as she doesn't want to sleep, and DS2 has reluctantly gone to his cot for the first time, so I don't expect to have more than 10 minutes peace. But I'll take anything at the moment.

Fuchzia - I found that, even in a day which is 90% peaceful, the one phone call you get will always be at the worst moment when you're juggling a hungry newborn with an overexcited toddler. :( Leaving people to think your household is mayhem 24/7.

Right off to invest in Infacol- anything that might work. Another disastrous hourly wake night for us after 4 hours trying to persuade her to settle. Ugh. Reluctantly cosleeping but hot and sweaty. I have a complete love/hate relationship with my sling. Only thing that DD will def sleep in, but resent having to carry her in it all the bloody time. I know newborns like to be held but am feeling somewhat touched out. And rather desperate about sleep.

Reasonably good day today (so far) - farm in the morning and this pm Dd amazingly went back to sleep in her Moses basket after I put her there following feeding to get DS up from his nap. So I had 30 mins uninterrupted time with DS to play rough and tumble.

Ciske- how did cot nap work? What are you trying (she says desperately searching for magic bullet..)

Im worrying about the same thing, I have a DS1 who is 7, DSS who is 3 (living with us) DS2 who is 6 months and then I am expecting DC3 in October! Today has been horrible, Ive been so tired, poor DSS has practically just watched films, done some colouring and played abit, as I have been too tired to do anything, apart from see to their basic needs :( goodness hows how the "bad" days are going to be when the new baby arrives I can only imagine they will be horrific :(

I'm convinced napping is down to the baby's personality. Ds was a bugger to get to nap, and I didn't even think it was worth tryign to get Dd to nap anywhere but where she fell!

However, I watch for an eye rub or whinge, then whisk her off to the cot. Drop, put the rainforest mobile on, saunter out - yes, saunter, not creep or tiptoe or sidle along the wall. Occasioanlly she'll have a whinge for a couple of minutes, then nothing. I can't relax though; ds has me too well-conditioned and I'm always waiting for an anguished cry. Dd, bless her, doesn't even kick off when she wakes up, just chunners to herself for a bit. Based on this, highly scientific observation, I'm predicting DS is going to grow up to be a drama queen who loves to be centre of attention, and dd is going to be a more reflective, measured type. If she's lucky, she'll also have my pre-preg boobs. Hopefully ds will not.

SUchan infacol was our dearest friend with Ds; I must've poured gallons of the stuff down him! Glad I had DS first.

Astro

I had the same waking pattern last night Astr0 and I've been particularly grumpy today. Felt ok initially but it caught up with me pretty quickly. Have tried to keep active today but my body won't be fooled. I look shocking these days, the months of terrible sleep are definitely showing now. Stopped in at he supermarket on the way home this afternoon to stock up on wine and chocolate biscuits which I definitely feel I deserve :D

Working on sleep training at the moment, DS2 fights every step of he way if we try to put him in his cot to sleep but put him down in the p+t and he's out like a light after a couple of grizzles, the little monkey. Really wish we'd started it earlier like we did with DS1.

I've probably put my sister of kids for life Ciske it must have sounded like armegddon. The rest of the day has been nothing like that bad. I cleaned the kitchen by giving DS1 small amounts of washing up weather in an old carton and sent him out to' water' the pots repeatedly. I felt very cunning. Feel guilty that the baby largely gets ignored unless crying though.

mummy23x cant deny it's hard but so far not as bad as I imagined (very overactive imagination) or at least only occasionally so! Maybe you'll find the same.

Sorry last night was bad again Looby. I remember with DS being on my knees at about 4.5/5 months after too many nights of hourly wake ups (repeated again at 8/9 months). Can't help but feel like we're already on that path with DD... Both times broadly sorted (or at least down to only 1 or 2 wakes, which after 6 plus a night feels like wonderful sleep) by sleep training. What kind of sleep training are you doing? Is this Tizzy Hall?

Well synchro napping was a one off, but at least we had a nice day. Ds has exuded totally unprompted to start to wee on a potty and poo in the loo... Would be great if only I could be bothered with it. Tbh I wasn't planning to try til the summer but he's started demanding it (potty in the house after mil insisted I try at 18mo , as all of hers were.)
Otherwise a nice sunny relatively uneventful day.. Am sure I'll pay for it tomorrow !