Are we the only ones doing without Father Christmas?

[Octaviapink]

We thought about the whole Father Christmas thing - telling the children there's a man with a big beard who lives at the North Pole (or Lapland or wherever) who comes down the chimney on Christmas Eve and leaves presents for good children - and frankly I couldn't stomach it. Lots of reasons:

1. Lying to the children. My DCs trust me, and if I tell DD a thing she knows it's so. I've never lied to her. I don't want this to be the first time and about something so crass.
2. The Victorian boogyman aspect of it - it seems to belong to an age where if you did bad things someone would 'get' you. I have friends who pretend their security system is Father-Christmas-cam and that he's watching them the whole time to see how good they are.
3. They find out pretty soon at school that it's not true, so you're probably only looking at a three or four year lifespan for the whole thing anyway when they genuinely believe (IME a lot of children pretend to believe when they're older so they get presents).
4. I still remember how devastated and disbelieving I was when I found out.
5. Buying a load of useless tat for stockings.

DD is 2.8 so this is the first time it's been possible to tell her things about Christmas. Anything we started now we'd have to continue. It just seems pointless and in some respects rather cruel. I'd rather we gave the children presents from us and concentrated on other aspects of Christmas. So Father Christmas is just a man depicted on some of the Christmas cards and nothing special.

I do feel vaguely guilty about the fact it'll probably be DD at school telling other children it's not real.

Are we the only ones?

Yes, if it comes up (thinking about this while I was in the shower) then I'll say it's just a story some people believe.

Another aspect of it is that I'm a marketing director - I know how marketing works - and I know that Father Christmas was invented by the Coca Cola company rather less than 100 years ago in an effort to get people to spend more money at Christmas. And I hate being marketed to. How many of you cried at that John Lewis ad? All of you, I bet, that saw it. (Anyone ever cry in the queue for the Father Christmas grotto at Debenhams? Apart from in fury and frustration?) And that ad's not about getting it's about giving - your time, your attention, your love as well as Stuff. That's why everyone who sees it cries - why it's so touching. (Though of course it is also about getting you to shop at John Lewis but that's not what makes people tear up.) FC's clarion cry is 'what do YOU want for Christmas?' - not what are you giving, or doing or who are you seeing. The spirit of Christmas does not reside in Santa's grotto.

I don't understand why some are so intent on filling their kid's heads with nonsense to be honest.

We leave out stockings, go to grottos, meet the lions sleigh etc. But it's clear it's all very fun pretending. I'd be quite worried if my kids thought he was real considering he's been everywhere for weeks. When they were little they loved PRETENDING that reindeer landed on the roof etc. Story books and films are great fun, and this is no difference

I attend church sometimes, and am some kind of theist. But this is also explained to my children in a 'some people believe' way. If my children tell yours that they don't believe I suggest that they are giving your children a different viewpoint, which is beneficial imo. Your children are quite free to presuade my kids otherwise and maybe mine will believe in the hope of getting more prezzies.

I really don't like the watertight, you must tell your children to believe and make sure to communicate this to everyone else. Only the most totalitarian religious systems do this.

I understand how you feel, Octavia, and to a certain extent agree. I'm Jewish, and was brought up without Father Christmas - though fir a different reason. I didn't miss him in the least, thought other children a bit weird to believe in him, but knew not to spoil it for them - my parents made sure of that!

Now I'm married to a non-Jew, for whom FC is an important part of the cycle of everyday magic of childhood. We talked a lot about how to deal with this. I realised that I was not going to commentate on every bedtime story in order to ensure that the dc were not deceived by outright and impossible fiction. I was not going censor Paddington Bear, Aladin, or Winnie the Witch. The only reasons to exclude FC from this were the crass commercialism and the connection with Christianity.

So we reached a compromise:

1. FC - not Santa - is a Christmas fairy who delivers presents to every child.
2. No threats of punishments or reward.
3. Under-the-tree presents are from named individuals and the dc write thankyou letters to the givers. And, most importantly for me,
4. on Christmas Eve each of our dc puts one of their own toys into the stocking for FC to take away and give to a child who isn't lucky enough to have parents and grandparents to give them tree-presents.

Of course, this was the thin edge of the wedge, through which the Tooth Faury crept into our lives as well

FC's image (red/white) was invented by coca-cola, not FC himself.

Anyway, what do you all mean he's not real????

Who the bugger has been bringing my presents for the past 32 years then?

If you know marketing en you will also know that Coca Cola DID NOT invent FCC and that rumour is nit true, it's a myth. It's wheedled out on MN most yers but is not true.

Being good for that long has taken some real effort.

oOp: will you be buying gifts at Christmas? Or ave you decide to gonagsinstbthe tide and not buy into the consumerism of it all?

To grow up in a household that never does the ''magic'' of Father Christmas I just find plain weird.

My son is 10 and asked me last year if he was real and I just fobbed him off. This year he has asked again as many of his friends are telling him it is me and I have told him the truth, but he is never to tell anyone younger than him and he is not traumatised at all.

So as he knew about the big fella when he was 2/3 I have had 7 years of magic and fun.

Why would anyone want to miss out on that?

Darn iPad! Should say go against the tide

And also the threat of no toys if your naughty is always done with a twinkle in your eyes.....................surely!

I can just imagine it now, when my children are adults,"Mother you LIED to us, you made christmas all magical and exciting and bought us presents and made us feel happy, but all along it wasn't Father Christmas is was just YOU doing all those wonderful things you evil witch" .

growlithe what a lovely post. It made my a bit teary tbh and much more Christmasy. Thank you.

at FC being invented by Coca Cola, er, no - total rubbish! You need to do some research.

And just because I don't work in marketing doesn't mean I don't get how it all works - a little patronising don't you think?

Your child your choice, but personally I'm absolutely loving the run up to Christmas this year because it's the first year DS1 has really 'understood' what it's all about with FC's visit, etc. Magic .

OP, you sound a little hypocritical. You don't want your own child to be blighted by, I think you called it 'acquisitive consumerism' at this time of year but you yourself work as a Marketing Director. If it all concerns you so much perhaps you should look at how you make your own living. OK so maybe you aren't marketing FMCGs but you're job presumably involves getting someone somewhere to part with their money.

You sound sanctimonious and uptight.

Thanks Perplexed

Oh for goodness sake, of course it's fine to not buy into the whole father christmas thing, and your reasons are perfectly valid. I think it's ridiculous for people to say that you're denying your children the magic of Christmas. Good for you op.

To the OP if you do tell your children the truth please tell them not to tell anyone else and spoil it for other children who enjoy the magic.

Over thinking gone mad! Threats? Sick to the stomach? It is supposed to be fun and play to the innocence and imagination of childhood a time beforemthe realities and banalities of life chip away at that.you will lie to your child again and are deluded if you think you won,t.

Maybe a career in marketing (and I should know) can leave someone rather jaded and cynical. When you know that the chocolates aren't made in some Willy Wonka style multicoloured fantasy land but a grim, smoke-belching factory in Slough, it's a killer.

I think that so much of life these days is quite hard-bitten and real from an early age. We say 'children grow up a lot quicker' with a sense of regret. One minute they're loving the Santa story and the next they're discussing 'shag, marry or push off a cliff' in earnest. My 11yo watches films on TV and proudly points out where the CG or the blue-screen sections kick in... complete with marks out of 10 for credibility. I remember crying watching Oliver! for the first time because I really thought Nancy had been killed. So we get a few short years where they will literally believe anything and it's getting shorter.

Shame really.

Re. The coke and Santa marketing myth: Snopes Cokelore

It seems you are just as susceptible to marketing if you believe that coca cola is the root of FC.

Encouraging children to use their imagination is essential to developing enquiring and innovative minds. My dm never used to push the FC aspect, but she never gave me a straight answer. It was always "Well, what do you think?" or "It's up to you if you believe" and even "if you believe, he exists. It's up to you". And I did believe and was so excited.

I plan on the same approach with my DS.

I'm sorry, so now you're saying that children who believe in Father Christmas know only of 'wanting' not 'giving'?

Wow presumptuous.

(bloody little graspers )

My children (3&4) don't believe in FC. I have never told them it was real. It is a fun game and the excitement for them comes in part from from knowing a grown up secret and not spilling it to other children!! They still put out a stocking and we pretend but they know it's pretend. I don't see why they need to be misled into thinking it is all real in order to enjoy it. We thought we would do this when they were babies and it was made easier by the fact that my nephew (who we see most days) is absolutely terrified of FC. And yet his GPs keep insisting to him that it's real while he sobs and shakes