Are we the only ones doing without Father Christmas?

[Octaviapink]

We thought about the whole Father Christmas thing - telling the children there's a man with a big beard who lives at the North Pole (or Lapland or wherever) who comes down the chimney on Christmas Eve and leaves presents for good children - and frankly I couldn't stomach it. Lots of reasons:

1. Lying to the children. My DCs trust me, and if I tell DD a thing she knows it's so. I've never lied to her. I don't want this to be the first time and about something so crass.
2. The Victorian boogyman aspect of it - it seems to belong to an age where if you did bad things someone would 'get' you. I have friends who pretend their security system is Father-Christmas-cam and that he's watching them the whole time to see how good they are.
3. They find out pretty soon at school that it's not true, so you're probably only looking at a three or four year lifespan for the whole thing anyway when they genuinely believe (IME a lot of children pretend to believe when they're older so they get presents).
4. I still remember how devastated and disbelieving I was when I found out.
5. Buying a load of useless tat for stockings.

DD is 2.8 so this is the first time it's been possible to tell her things about Christmas. Anything we started now we'd have to continue. It just seems pointless and in some respects rather cruel. I'd rather we gave the children presents from us and concentrated on other aspects of Christmas. So Father Christmas is just a man depicted on some of the Christmas cards and nothing special.

I do feel vaguely guilty about the fact it'll probably be DD at school telling other children it's not real.

Are we the only ones?

Children want to believe in magic - proper Father Christmas magic - and your DD will probably believe in a year or two anyway whether you encourage it or not. What will you do then - just sourly tell her it's not true? What if she wants to visit Santa's Grotto, write a letter, leave out a mince pie on Christmas Eve?

SJ telling a child you love her terrible dancing is not a lie. You love that she is dancing and enjoying it herself (jesuitical argument) :)

Totally totally agree with you OP - so you are not the only ones. DS is 4.3 and in previous years the whole Santa thing went over his head. This year he was full of tales from pre- school so we said "Santa isn't real he is in a story" (Yy I know about St Nicholas). He said "who will bring my presents" and we said "mummy and daddy". And he just shrugged.

We will tell him that in the story children put out their stockings. So he will too. We wont be mentioning Santa again but if he asks he will get told that it is a story.

Completely horrified by the whole "Santa is watching you" shit.

We are careful to make sure he knows eg dragons are not real, dinosaurs are real but no longer here etc.

If believing in Father Christmas is acquisitive consumerism, presumably you wont be buying any presents then? And it seems really sad if you really think that believing in FC would threaten your relationship with your child. Do you think that those of us who did the whole FC thing have a less trusting relationship with our children? Cant see it myself.

My late Dad even used to pretend to have a magic radio he could speak to FC on. I absolutely loved the idea of that and can remember him fiddling around with his radio even now. And I trusted him until the day he died.

Really amused that the posts from those not doing FC are factual with explanations but many from those doing FC are trying to persuade us to do it!

I'm not trying to persuade anyone else. Just sharing the minority viewpoint.

There is no problem with DS seeing FC on tv, in shops, on cards. It is just like the nativity - a story!

If my DS tells another DC it is not true then so what? In our house we believe FC is a story.

I was thinking about this. FC aside, do other people not do jokey make-believe in their family? My grandfather, for example, was brilliant at this. We'd go for a walk in the park where there was a stone statue of a lion and he'd have us utterly convinced that it came alive at night and guarded the swings! A small woodland nearby contained several Heffalumps... and this was definitely true because we had to see if we could find tracks when we went for a walk and he had to tell the RSPCA if he thought they had escaped. :) He had a million of them.... anyone else?

We do Father Christmas. I don't remember being particularly devastated finding out he wasn't real but I do remember the utter magic of Father Christmas even now with butterflies in my stomach.

All I would ask is, that since you seem quite casual and matter of fact ( in fact almost proud) that YOUR child will be the one informing all the other children of his non existance, perhaps you would be kind enough to ask your child not to spoil it for the others as a courtesy to all of those who do believe?

Mutt - yes we have amazing fun here, thanks. We are really science based hence the what is real and what is not.

DS is very excited about Christmas. We have a tree decorations etc. We will read the story of the nativity and of FC. He will put a stocking out just like in the story so we are pretending and making a game. We won't be mentioning it again - no big deal.

Oh God, when did people become so bloody worthy. I can't bear it. Tell them there is a FC or don't tell them but all this sanctimonious business of only telling your children the truth, we don't believe in telling them fairy tales, don't like threatening them (wtf?) drives me batshit.

It's all so dull and holier than thou. No one cares what you do, sorry

Forkful you may not want to do the FC thing which fair enough is your right. But you do not have the right to be so blase about your DC spoiling it for others.

LOL!! Ah the naievety of assuming you will never lie to your child.

Here are just a few lies I've told this week:
Oh yes, I'd love to watch a bloody nother horrible histories sketch with you
No, daddy can't come with us (dh surprised them later by showing up, much to their delight)
Mummy is crying because their is something sad on tv (mummy is actually crying because her friend is ill but her friend has asked her to keep it quiet for a while)

Need I go on....

Whilst I wholeheartedly disagree with removing such a magical thing from your dc's childhood that is your choice but never think you are doing it because you won't lie to your child. You will lie to your child and often, to be a good parent, you will need to lie to your child.

I do totally agree with you on the big brother aspect of Santa, we don't do that and the security system thing is just weird and a bit creepy.

If it comes up again I will say that other people believe FC is real. Do those who do FC tell their DC that some people don't believe and to respect that?

You don't have to do the 'you only get presents if you're good' line.

I've never said anything like that to dd (4.9). but she's picked up the idea from somewhere.

FC hasn't stood up to her empirical enquiries at all, but she wrote him a Thank You letter yesterday to cover her bases .

hollyfoot I love the FC radio, and yes, cogito we did LOADS of make believe and pretend adventures, and talking toys, and 'let's go to the moon' and made up stories about familiar objects.

We regularly made little fairy villages (when DD was 2.6 to about 5) in the wood behind the house. We told stories about what the fairies would do with the rose hips, and look, somebody has been using the table since we were last here, and whether a fairy can really lift a pine cone etc etc etc. We both believed IN the story, and the magic and fun of it, but didn't believe it was TRULY true

I Like the sound of your DD rosebud, that is one smart cookie!

Father Christmas IS real.

PS and you won't be getting any presents on Christmas morning Octavia. HTH

Just think it all seems bit sad,it's just so exciting from when they do their list to Xmas eve,leaving food out for him and reindeers. btw never have I threatened naughty no presents,even I know that won't ever be carried out! Merry Christmas to you all x

Yes, you can have a nice Christmas without FCC. If that appeals to you, go ahead. But try to teach your child that one people do believe and it isn't kind to spoil that for them. Easy enough tbh. There are lots of children who don't believe for various reasons, mst don't let on to others Ime.

But To think it being lying and hreatening and generally make out you may be better than other parents as a result is equally as nonsense. It's just a magic story that the vast majority of children happily believe in and gradually grow out of.

It is only ever on Mn that I have heard of anyone even being vaguely upset at finding out it wasn't true. In real life I have ver known this from anyone of any age. Most just agree that it was lovely to believe and that their parents were dong a nice thing to make Christmas that bit more magical.

Forkful: yes, my dd knew that some people don't believe and FCC doesn't come to them. This came up as we knew people who didn't celebrate Christmas.