Caught SIL raising her eyes today after I made DD another meal when she didn't want the first option..

[ScarlettIsWalking]

Is this so wrong?

On the odd occasion when DD says doesn't like her lunch/ supper I make her something else. It really isn't a big deal to me at all.

Today I made her penne with pomodoro sauce and she tried but didn't eat it, I asked her what she fancied and she said she would prefer Spaghetti with cheese sauce and broccoli, it took me all of 10 mins to prepare her another meal which she devoured and cleared the plate. I saw SIL was very surprised -in a negative way- that I did this.

I would much rather give her something she loves than force her to eat something she doesn't, what us the point in that? I feel it may give her messed up ideas about food. She is polite, well mannered and healthy. Actually a stranger commented to me at a cafe how lovely and well behaved she was, - that's an aside but I am trying to communicate that she is not brattish or anything.

This is how I was brought up - my Mother made different dinners for all our varying appetites in a family of 6 and I really don't see a problem with it. I suspect many other's do?

will be back after bedtime

Well, I agree with your sil.

If my dds didn't eat dinner but were clearly hungry, they were allowed fruit and/or wholemeal toast. There's no way I'd have cooked another meal tbh.

I'm just impressed you can do spaghetti with cheese sauce and broccoli in 10 minutes.

If my dc turned their noses up at a meal and I didn't want them to go to bed hungry, they'd get a slice of buttered toast and a cup of milk.

It's not something I would do. I am DS's mother, not his personal chef. I do however involve him when I'm meal planning and give him choices. I just give him choices before I've cooked, and I expect him to say thankyou when I've cooked him a meal, not turn his nose up and ask for something else. This IMO is very rude.

I wouldn't cook 2 meals, but it's nothing to do with your SIL, or me

She's your child, you know whether you are pandering to her or enabling her to eat healthily and be happy (or both for that matter). Ignore your SIL, its none of her business.

I had the broccolli cooked and left over from roast and pasta was fresh so was v easy and no extra bother.

It really depends - if i'd cooked something for the first time as an experiment, and they tried it but didn't like it - then I would make them something else. They have to try it first though :)

if it was something they had had thousands of times before and were just being picky - no way I would cook something else. No way. They might get supper, but no sweets /treats, no other meal.

Hmm, nope, wouldn't happen here either.

Four kids, one meal. Eat it or go hungry.

They never choose the latter, oddly.

I might, if I knew I'd be able to freeze the first option, & I had the broccoli cooked & to hand. But probably only if the meal she refused was something she'd never had before, not if it was something she routinely ate & she just didn't fancy it that day.

Not because of any deeply held parenting principles but because I CBA cooking to order .

I wouldn't cook another meal, but I'd give options before I started (penne or spaghetti today?) and will serve it differently for different children (mixed up for DC1, separate for DC2, no cheese for DC3, extra sauce for DC4 type-thing)

No one else is ever going to cook your DC two meals.

Why don't you ask what she wants before you cook?

What did you do with the food she refused? Chuck it out?

I wouldn't do it either. I cook something that I think everyone will like. If they don't want to eat it, then that's up to them. I'm not running a restaurant.

I wouldn't do it either, but it's up to you of course.
Your poor mum, though!

I too only give options before I cook.

She wasn't rude about it at all, no strops or asking me to make another. She just didn't fancy it.

When I asked her what she wanted for dinner she said "pasta please" but she was distracted and it had been a long busy day, I think I do need to be more specific when I ask her.
I fully understand not everyone will do this, but I was surprised to be judged for it like that.

I will eat the left overs for supper myself.

No, I wouldn't do it either - and if DSIL was there was it a family get-together? - Why are you fussing around cooking an extra meal when you have visitors? If I had the left over broccoli I might have chucked it on the pasta with a bit of grated cheese but I certainly wouldn't faff about making a cheese sauce to go with it.

How old is your DD?

Are you a martyr 'eating leftovers myself' ?

No, my mum used to do the x number of different meals thing and it is one thing I swore I wouldn't ever do.

I cook one meal for everyone. I do allow slight variations, eg no sauce. If it is something one of them really doesn't like, then they may have some bread.

A Martyr? What on earth?

Someone asked me what I did with her leftover food

She didn't ask me to cook another meal pls read my posts. She has lots of recurring playdates / sleepovers and is always asked back. If you had a child at your house and she didn't eat the food would you not offer her anything else cat64? I always make a variation of food for visitors as I don't assume they all love what I do.

zero waste of food
10 mins time

Nope, sorry, not in this house either, unless I'd cooked something new or experimental and could see that after a good taste they really didn't like it. But other than that, it isn't an attitude to my cooking that I want to encourage! Up to you what you do with your own child, but when there isn't such an easy alternative available (ie no handy leftovers), will you be just as happy cooking a second meal when the first doesn't find favour? The words rod and back spring to mind.

And if I had a child visiting who didn't like the food, after I'd previously ascertained that they didn't actively dislike what was on offer, I'd offer bread and cheese. Definitely not a whole other meal!