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Original poster

Caught SIL raising her eyes today after I made DD another meal when she didn't want the first option..

126 replies

ScarlettIsWalking · 17/07/2011 19:53

Is this so wrong?

On the odd occasion when DD says doesn't like her lunch/ supper I make her something else. It really isn't a big deal to me at all.

Today I made her penne with pomodoro sauce and she tried but didn't eat it, I asked her what she fancied and she said she would prefer Spaghetti with cheese sauce and broccoli, it took me all of 10 mins to prepare her another meal which she devoured and cleared the plate. I saw SIL was very surprised -in a negative way- that I did this.

I would much rather give her something she loves than force her to eat something she doesn't, what us the point in that? I feel it may give her messed up ideas about food. She is polite, well mannered and healthy. Actually a stranger commented to me at a cafe how lovely and well behaved she was, - that's an aside but I am trying to communicate that she is not brattish or anything.

This is how I was brought up - my Mother made different dinners for all our varying appetites in a family of 6 and I really don't see a problem with it. I suspect many other's do?

OP posts:

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TheRealMBJ · 17/07/2011 22:13

Blu - none . It's just, I suppose, that personally, I see cooking a separate meal as extra effort.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 17/07/2011 22:13

No I wouldn't have cooked another meal.

DS1 knows that he can have a slice of bread and butter and/or a banana if he genuinely doesn't like his dinner (ie. if I have cooked something new, or something that he has been iffy with in the past). But if it is something that he eats regularly and just doesn't fancy then he doesn't get anything else because I assume that he isn't that hungry.
The only exception to this is if he has been unwell and I am trying to tempt his appetite.

I don't want him to get into the habit of thinking that if he doesn't fancy one thing he can have something else.

RitaMorgan · 17/07/2011 22:14

Totally up to you how you run things, but personally I wouldn't even my 11 month old either eats the dinner I've made or has bread and a banana. It's not about making a point/teaching him a lesson, I just have no desire to spend any more time in meal preparation than necessary.

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Greenshadow · 17/07/2011 22:15

Like most others, I disagree with the OP's actions, but I also disagree with many other posters who have said that if their DC won't eat the offered meal, they will be offered toast/sandwich.
My DC love toast/bread and would often prefer that to the dinner they have been given, so they do not get the choice.

In our house, the children have been brought up to eat what they are given. Old fashioned, maybe, but that's how we work.

Blu · 17/07/2011 22:16

I can't make good cheese sauce quickly (or at all, really) - so it might have been pasta and pesto. or pasta and grated cheese.

exoticfruits · 17/07/2011 22:17

No way-I am not a restaurant or a doormat!
They have a choice-take it or leave it. I'm not surprised she raised her eyes.

veryworried29 · 17/07/2011 22:26

Agree with Blu - making cheese sauce is a major effort to me. Can only do it if I have about half an hour to spare and even then it involves lots of huffing and puffing and banging of pans.

Original poster

ScarlettIsWalking · 17/07/2011 22:27

Pip going into massive detail here, you are right normally my pomodoro is very simple but this one was quite herby and I used different and stronger flavours and extra garlic and onions as it was a large batch. It wasn't one of my best sauces. I do want to get her used to stronger flavours and will think about this and work on it.

I could roll my eyes at some things SIL does but I never, ever would.

OP posts:

EmmaBemma · 17/07/2011 22:27

ech, it's not what I personally would do but I wouldn't roll my eyes at you. If it doesn't happen often and you're happy enough to do it (I note she didn't ask for something different, you offered) I don't see what the problem is.

piprabbit · 17/07/2011 22:33

That makes sense - if she expected it to taste one way and was unpleasantly surprised to find it was different from usual.

I still think I'd have stuck it out, may be offered some grated cheese on top or added some more plain pasta to reduce the intensity a bit.

But then again, I wouldn't have actually rolled my eyes - even if I did think you were making work for yourself.

FairyArmadillo · 17/07/2011 22:48

DS is 3 and we have, at the moment, very different tastes is food. There are things that I enjoy that he doesn't like. He doesn't like spicy foods or rice (and he's half Asian). I was absolutely determined when he was a baby that I would get us to eat the same meals as often as possible. What a hassle! And I remembered what it was like as a 4 year old being forced to eat food I hated by relatives, crying at the table because I really, really detested those chick peas! So half the week we eat the same meal that I cook on the day. I bulk cook so have a freezer full of home-made mains, so on the days I make him sausages, peas and mash I'll reheat something spicy to go with the mash. When I do introduce new meals to him, I always have a backup to reheat in case he hates it. But he has to try a few bites of it before he can hate it.

If it was OK with the OP, I don't see what the problem is. I'm an experimental cook, and on the occasion that I make myself something I that I find disgusting, I'll rustle up something else.

Blu · 17/07/2011 22:56

Had you called Hugh Fearnley-WhitteringOn on the phone and demanded he come over and cook her a fresh 3 course meal from rare breed organic veg, it would stilll have been rude for SIl to visibly roll her eyes.

Sossiges · 17/07/2011 23:12

As adults we like to eat what we fancy, so why should it be any different for children? If you are happy to do an alternative meal than that is absolutely fine. You sound very nice and your SIL should mind her own business.

piprabbit · 17/07/2011 23:19

Sossiges - as an adult I do not always eat what I fancy. I have to fit in with the rest of my family.
There are things that my DH or the DCs love that aren't my personal favourites, so for those meals I have to lump it. Also, there are somethings that I love and nobody else in the house can stand (so I save those things for when I'm eating alone). I don't like fish - but eat it because it is healthy. In any given week there is probably at least one meal that I wouldn't choose for myself - but I still eat it with the family.

Sossiges · 17/07/2011 23:22

Different strokes for different folks

Sparklyboots · 17/07/2011 23:26

Yeah, your SIL should FO, it's not like you asked her to make it. So long as there's not a great fuss around the fact she didn't eat the first thing or making the second, I can't see the problem, personally.

triskaidekaphile · 17/07/2011 23:29

I think you sound like a very caring parent, Scarlett and I think it's normal and lovely to take pleasure in children eating well and enjoying their food. It also sounds like you're carrying on your own mother's tradition and your daughter is sunny tempered and hard to spoil. However, I still think it's not a great strategy to offer to cook children alternative meals from scratch on a regular basis. I think that sometimes as parents we're tempted into indulgence both because we really don't want the row (especially in front of our sils?) and also because we deeply want our children to be happy. I bought my little girl a doll yesterday because she wrapped her arms tightly round it and seemed to really really want it and when I tried to unwrap her arms and put it back on the shelf started to cry and say "mine baby!" I know deep down that I probably shouldn't have bought it for her (it was supposed to be her 2nd birthday present and I took her into the toy dept to see if she liked it as I didn't want to buy something she wasn't interested in) but a part of me just loves spoiling her a bit and watching her face light up and another part simply wanted to avoid the tantrum. As a one off that is fine but it wouldn't be a good way to buy toys generally, I think.

yousankmybattleship · 17/07/2011 23:35

Sorry OP, I agree with your SIL. She probably didn't mean to gt caught rolling her eyes but I'd have done exactly the same in her situation. You daughter needs to learn then when you're eating as a family sometimes you just get on with it even if its not your favourite. How rediculous to cook something new from scratch. I'm sure she eats well but she's learning nothing about good manners.

triskaidekaphile · 17/07/2011 23:35

Blu, I'm sorry, but if Scarlett had called HFW and demanded venison cutlets followed by organic fish surprise and clotted cream ice cream I do think that her sil's eye-rolling might have been somewhat more understandable!

trixymalixy · 17/07/2011 23:35

No way would that happen in my house.

My Mum looks after DS and DD a couple of the days I am at work. One day I arrived back a bit early just as DS turned his nose up at what my Mum had made. My Mum was about to make him something else until I intervened and said no way. DS ate the lot in the end, he was just trying it on, there was nothing wrong with what my Mum had cooked.

Original poster

ScarlettIsWalking · 17/07/2011 23:39

Thanks to the recent posters for your input. Tris that's a lovely post thank you. I do see it is not ideal and don't want to make it a usual thing at all. It is in my tradition to keep everyone happy with reg. to delicious food and as said before we were a bit indulged.

I am also going to work on broardening dds repotoire of flavours by introducing some new foods.

OP posts:

perpetualsucker · 17/07/2011 23:54

I can see why your SIL was a bit . She thought you were pandering to her whims. However, she was a bit cheeky to let you know with the look.

exoticfruits · 18/07/2011 07:58

I don't expect that she could help herself perpetualsucker! It is the 'little emperor' thing. Mum slaves away in the kitchen preparing food and along he (or she comes) and turns up their nose because they are not in the mood for it and mum says 'and what would you like my love-of course-I will put this in the bin and start again!'
They are trying it on-a quick 'tough-take it or leave it' and they would have eaten it. (if not it is their problem not yours).

Goblinchild · 18/07/2011 08:06

OP, I think you were daft to post what you do on a thread.
I've always given mine a choice about what they eat before hand, and often cooked different food for the three of us. But I didn't tell anyone else.
There was quite a lot of food swapping and tasting as well.
They still have different preferences, but have a varied diet and are now cooking for themselves anyway.
With me, it was barely surviving at boarding school and leaving seriously underweight with health problems attached that made me think I'll never eat something I hate again, and I won't do it to my children either.
Worked for us.

exoticfruits · 18/07/2011 08:16

Surely the solution is to ask before you start cooking?

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