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Original poster

Caught SIL raising her eyes today after I made DD another meal when she didn't want the first option..

126 replies

ScarlettIsWalking · 17/07/2011 19:53

Is this so wrong?

On the odd occasion when DD says doesn't like her lunch/ supper I make her something else. It really isn't a big deal to me at all.

Today I made her penne with pomodoro sauce and she tried but didn't eat it, I asked her what she fancied and she said she would prefer Spaghetti with cheese sauce and broccoli, it took me all of 10 mins to prepare her another meal which she devoured and cleared the plate. I saw SIL was very surprised -in a negative way- that I did this.

I would much rather give her something she loves than force her to eat something she doesn't, what us the point in that? I feel it may give her messed up ideas about food. She is polite, well mannered and healthy. Actually a stranger commented to me at a cafe how lovely and well behaved she was, - that's an aside but I am trying to communicate that she is not brattish or anything.

This is how I was brought up - my Mother made different dinners for all our varying appetites in a family of 6 and I really don't see a problem with it. I suspect many other's do?

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Original poster

ScarlettIsWalking · 17/07/2011 21:36

Believe you me she gets her nutritional needs met and her horizons are very high in terms of food.

Would you like to see a menu or tell you how exotic her tastes are? That's not actually what this thread was about. But I can assure you all of us eat incredibly well in this house with a particular emphasis on fish and medditerrainian cuisine. I am Italian so know a hell of a lot about nutrition and how to cook thanks very much.

OP posts:

OriginalPoster · 17/07/2011 21:37

If we all sat down to a meal and one of the dcs or dh for that matter said they'd like something different I would tell them it was rude to say that when someone has gone to the effort of cooking it. They would then be expected to eat it or sit whilst other people eat.

Ours would not say that as they know it's rude. They will say if they're not keen but not make a fuss.

activate · 17/07/2011 21:41

agree with SIL - massive eyeroll at multiple dinners made

no harm in giving her a choice before you make it - but making and then letting her chooose an alternative is uneconomical and spoilt

don't eat it - don't eat

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Original poster

ScarlettIsWalking · 17/07/2011 21:44

Last post was to juggling btw. I absolutely give up now.

OriginalPoster I must have stated 5 times that DD did not ask for a second meal or make any fuss whatsoever. She would sit for hours whilst everyone tucked in and not ask for anything else. She was not rude in any way. I really don't see what the point is if people don't actually read what I write down.

OP posts:

D0G · 17/07/2011 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

D0G · 17/07/2011 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ScarlettIsWalking · 17/07/2011 21:48

D0G I posted in response to someone assuming that my DD does not get her nutritional needs met . Massive assumptions that yes I am going to correct because they are untrue.

This thread is becoming worse that SIL's eye roll

OP posts:

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 17/07/2011 21:48

Why did you post this OP? Did you expect everybody to say that your sil is a loon and you are wonderful? I don't understand why you're getting so annoyed because most people have said they wouldn't have done what you did.

LittleBoSqueak · 17/07/2011 21:50

Remus- I am in total agreement!

takeonboard · 17/07/2011 21:50

I wouldn't cook anything else - eat it or starve is my policy.
But I wouldn't roll my eyes at anyone elses choices in their own home.

TheRealMBJ · 17/07/2011 21:53

OP - I have read your posts and note what you have said, however, I still wouldn't cook a different meal.

Life in our house simply doesn't work like that. If DS doesn't eat his tea he is offered fruit/yoghurt/toast. That is it. I simply will not be dictated to (even if not overtly done, it is still pandering IMO). And he won't starve himself. I would do the same for a visiting child (however, I would check with their parents beforehand if they had any specific dislikes or dietary requirements and would not push the culinary envelope)

You did ask people's opinions and seem aghast that the majority do not agree with you. However, it is your choice to do so and if you feel you are making the right decision, I don't see that anyone else should judge you for it.

TheRealMBJ · 17/07/2011 21:54

OP - I have read your posts and note what you have said, however, I still wouldn't cook a different meal.

OriginalPoster · 17/07/2011 21:54

Scarlet

On the odd occasion when DD says doesn't like her lunch/ supper I make her something else. It really isn't a big deal to me at all.

Oops. I thought you meant you cooked her a second meal when she indicated she did not like the first one. So you're cooking her a second meal because she didn't eat the first one?

I still would rather eat my own meal than cook anther one for someone who is not eating their meal, but I am a selfish cow and like to eat it while it's hot.

TheRealMBJ · 17/07/2011 21:55

Whoops

OriginalPoster · 17/07/2011 21:57

I don't see why you're surprised that others don't agree, you even acknowledged that in your op at the end.

Original poster

ScarlettIsWalking · 17/07/2011 22:00

I am not aghast that the majority don't agree with me at all. I said so many times I realise it's not the norm have you really read what I said?

I am going to correct when a poster assumes out of nowhere dd is not getting enough nutritional value in her meals. Each to their own. I get it I am very, very odd for what I did today at suppertime with dd.

OP posts:

Halogen · 17/07/2011 22:03

I wouldn't cook a different meal. I would ask before cooking if DD fancies macaroni cheese or chicken and rice or whatever, provided there wasn't an issue like having to use up some meat before it goes past its date or something. If DD didn't like what I cooked, I'd give her bread and butter and a slice of ham or cheese and an apple or something (which would take about a minute, I suppose). But I just could not be arsed to cook an entire new meal, plus I do think it's sending out the wrong signals. I want my daughter to eat well (she's very small and skinny so I do want to offer her something she would enjoy eating, within reason) but I don't want her to think I am prepared to pander to every whim. If she wasn't so tiny and skinny, I suspect I'd go for the 'well, you'll be hungry then' approach a bit more. My DD is also four, btw.

Blu · 17/07/2011 22:05

Can I just ask - in a child's eyes, what is the difference between being given bread and butter / fruit, yogur,. toast / a sandwich or some other v simple combo that they DO like, and being given another pasta dish they like? Lots of posters have said they would give these things, but if the child likes these things - and they are all v nice things to eat -what is the differnce between that and a simple pasta dish that the child also likes? It takes longer to prepare, but it is unlikely that a 2 yo will be at all aware of that.

MrsGravy · 17/07/2011 22:06

Ah so (shamelessly stereotyping here) you're an 'Italian Mama' who gets a lot of pleasure out of feeding her family and seeing them enjoying your meals?

I think your SIL was rude. I hate judginess and eye rolling. I can't see that your approach will harm your daughter at all.

It's not something I would have personally done - unless the meal was new to my kids and they genuinely didn't like it. I would have probably just assumed she wasn't hungry and offered nothing else. I also don't ask my kids what they want (they'd all ask for different things and I really don't have the time or inclination to cook several different meals) but I DO cater to their likes and dislikes and would never knowlingly cook food they don't like.

Basically your approach would be wrong for me but isn't wrong per se.

OriginalPoster · 17/07/2011 22:10

Is there a limit to how many meals people are prepared to offer before drawing a line? Or an age where they are not given further options? Or if you were visiting someone else's house would you cook alternatives in the host's house?

I do genuinely admire your patience, I would not like to cook up to 10 meals a night to cater for our family's tastes.

OriginalPoster · 17/07/2011 22:11

Your Sil was rude to roll her eyes, you did not ask for her opinion.

Annunziata · 17/07/2011 22:11

Your SIL was rude to make a face but I would never make an extra meal for one if she just decided not to like it that day!

TheSkiingGardener · 17/07/2011 22:12

In the circumstances you describe OP I probably would have done what you did. If the child whined they wouldn't get anything else but she tried it, didn't like it and you had stuff to hand.

Lots of rampant assumptions being made on this thread!

Original poster

ScarlettIsWalking · 17/07/2011 22:13

Yes it is interesting to see how many posters assumed dd was terribly rude but an adult rolling eyes like she did was generally accepted and justified in these circs. I wouldn't do that to anyone, v bad manners.

OP posts:

piprabbit · 17/07/2011 22:13

Isn't pasta pomodoro just pasta in fairly ordinary tomato sauce?

It's such a food staple, that I don't think you should have offered an alternative. It's something she is going to come up against on countless playdates, children's menus etc. etc. so really worth getting her used to it.

Now, if you'd said puttanesca sauce I'd have been much more sympathetic to your DD as some of the flavours in that are very powerful.

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