Caught SIL raising her eyes today after I made DD another meal when she didn't want the first option..

[ScarlettIsWalking]

Is this so wrong?

On the odd occasion when DD says doesn't like her lunch/ supper I make her something else. It really isn't a big deal to me at all.

Today I made her penne with pomodoro sauce and she tried but didn't eat it, I asked her what she fancied and she said she would prefer Spaghetti with cheese sauce and broccoli, it took me all of 10 mins to prepare her another meal which she devoured and cleared the plate. I saw SIL was very surprised -in a negative way- that I did this.

I would much rather give her something she loves than force her to eat something she doesn't, what us the point in that? I feel it may give her messed up ideas about food. She is polite, well mannered and healthy. Actually a stranger commented to me at a cafe how lovely and well behaved she was, - that's an aside but I am trying to communicate that she is not brattish or anything.

This is how I was brought up - my Mother made different dinners for all our varying appetites in a family of 6 and I really don't see a problem with it. I suspect many other's do?

I would have rolled my eyes too, and quite possibly commented apropos of nothing that there is a famine in Africa. But I am my mother's daughter too.

I wouldn't do this. I was brought up with 'eat what you're given' and one meal for the whole family, and that's how I do it now. The fussy adults I know have all turned out to have grown up in households where they were asked what they wanted, allowed to refuse foods and demand others, had different meals cooked etc. When I visited friends for food I wouldn't have dreamed of turning up my nose or asking for something else. I think it's the height of rudeness, and if children are brought up in that habit they may well take it into adulthood.

Sorry if I sound draconian but fussiness is my pet hate!

I do occasionally cook different meals because dd1 is allergic to pulses & wheat, dd2 allergic to dairy lots of spices & egg though most nights I try to cook something we can all eat but it is tricky BUT I would not make something else just because they didn't like it! I often try & make same basic meal but with different ingredients though

No different meal here either I'm afraid unless it was something they had never eaten before and they really didn't like it after a good try. Otherwise, even though one DS is virtually veggie we eat the same thing ie if we are having sausages he will have veggie sausages, if we have bolognaise then I put some tomatoe sauce aside before adding the meat but that's it.

I would have rolled my eyes too.

Its not about how long it took to prepare something else, I just think that any parent who goes and cooks their PFB a second dinner because they didn't like the first one is making a rod for their own back.

You are giving your daughter the expectation that a different meal will be provided if she doesn't like the first one. How embarrassing that could be once she starts going on playdates!?!?

No menu choices in this house. I'm a mum, not a short-order chef.
Obviously I cook things that they enjoy, however, if they decide not to eat it the choices are bread or fruit.

Agree with your SiL, me or dh cook 1 meal for all of us, me him dd and ds. He does do the fetch me carry me thing a bit for dd because she knows she can twist him round her little finger a bit but I'm quite hard line

I can't stand this kind of pandering tbh, it's characteristic of the child centric society we live in where everyone is obsessed with parenting and being child centred all the time= children growing up with hideous sense of entitlement.

Re visiting children I check for any definite dislikes, most parents just say "oh just give them whatever you're having" because they don't believe in pandering either so if they refuse they get fruit and yoghurt afterwards same as my 2. I only know 1 precious mum who lists all her dds likes and dislikes and asks for a full handover of calories consumed fluid balance levels and toilet trips (plus tv viewed). I know if her daughter has eaten less than the optimum amount she makes her another meal once she's home

I don't think that anyone would be happy if an adult turned up for a meal, waited for it to be cooked ,and then said they would like something else-therefore why is is OK for a DC?

At what age do you call it rude? Is it fair to the DC to let them think it is OK and then tell them that it isn't polite and other people won't like it? If they can't do it for others why is mother a second class citizen who can cook 2 dinners?

Exactly, exotic.

Do children only ever have whims, to be pandered to?
Or can they ever make choices, which they appreciate?

I don't doubt they DO have whims, which should be ignored - but the overwhelming sentiment on this thread is very untrusting of children, and sounds more like Dotheboys Hall than MN.

Tris - had HFW turned up to make the venison / fish / clotted cream dinner, SIL should have thanked her lucky stars and tucked in - and not through pursed lips, either!

Having 2 DSDs (11 and 14) who are extremely picky eaters (and i mean seriously picky) who have had their mother pander to their various food fads far too much over the years, often cooking them separate meals, i think it's making a rod for your own back really and making everyone's life more difficult than necessary. DS is 8 months and an adventurous eater. Of course i know he'll develop favourites and try it on when he's older, but i really won't be cooking separate meals or making him something different if he turns his nose up. They don't starve from missing one meal and if they're hungry enough they'll eat - simple as that really. On the odd occasion my DS doesn't like something i offer him something quick and easy i know he likes, but that's because he isn't old enough to have developed reasoning or more complex communication skills.

I am of the one meal suits all brigade... However if it is something a little different to the norm, but they have at least tried it but said they were not keen, then I would have made something else.

i would say well done for letting her try it, she was hungry so obviously didnt like it so you made her an alternative

My dc try it on all the time with refusing to eat things they have previously eaten with gusto, so I am very strict about this. We have come up with a menu of 7 meals (I only cook for them 2 or 3 times a week on average) which they have agreed they will eat without any complaint. DS (6) still manages to grumble about most things.
I don't have a SIL (although I do have a historically VERY frank MIL!) - can imagine the scenario and would not like to be judged in that way.

I often eat leftovers, it doesn't make me a martyr, it means I'm hungry, I hate waste and I often CBA cooking if it's just me.

Sigh I really wish this thread would just die. I posted it in a moment of God knows what, insecurity about my styles/ choices or whatever as you do on MN parenting and it has turned so OTT with the assumptions. I had to check it wasn't AIBU.

Yes I am weak/ creating a rod/ Martyr/ spoiling / Italian "Mama"/ odd weird/ DD not getting enough nutrients, whatever my Mother was shameless - fill ya boots

Yes I know I started it (believe me I wish I hadn't!). I have spent a lovely few days with DD on school hols, to various activities and trips where she has stuffed her face like a glutton since the "incident" with absolutely any old thing I have put in front of her. I see SIL twice a year. Really not a problem in my life anymore, more a fleeting moment.

It had died. No one but you has posted on it for hours .

Hide the thread and pretend it never happened

Bibbity