IS PARENTING A JOB?

[nicola1969]

I am a full time mum.. although hope to be an artist later,,

i have two children aged 7 and 10

my Partner for 20 years(we are not married) works full time and pays for everything..

He is always telling me that i should work also.. i feel that i am working.. looking after the children is definately a job.. if i didnt do it he would have to pay for a nanny or au pair..

what do you think .. being a mum...is what i do a job.?

its a joke, it has to be...no one can be this arrogant!!

if you are not married then it doesn't matter if you've been together 20 years or 20 days

No, I don't think parenting is a job.

It can be hard work, demanding and stressful but it's not a job.

I think being a SAHM whilst not married is financial suicide.

I'm a SAHM and am not married. I have an excellent solicitor and joint bank accounts!

nicola, you've put some washing on while he watches telly. You'd like praise for that?

Sorry, I'm usually very mild-mannered, but you're really coming across as incredibly selfish. I feel for your children. I hope they don't follow your exampl.

example!

Actually if it is a job I suspect I am due a written warning at least. Poor kids didn't check the small print on the contract

Of course parenting is a job. It is productive work. If no-one did it, society would collapse and eventually population would decline.

The value of GDP given for free by parents (and they're mostly women) is worth around 10-14% of economic productivity.

Just because you do it with love, and it is essential, and because you seem to choose it, doesn't mean it isn't 'work' in the sense of productive labour.

Oh come on this has got to be bollocks

On the other hand, I don't agree with most of your other claims: if he is feeling bitter, why can't you share responsibilities for providing?

If your art is also your work, what is your plan to allow him the freedom to pursue his creative dreams?

And doesn't he have the right to cut down on work a bit to do some of that productive parenting too?

my concern is for the children.. i dont want them growing up listening to the father complaining that i dont work or support him financially

ok, so work then. that way they won't hear it will they

i think you need to have a really good talk to him about this though.

would you really break up your family just because you don't want to get a job?

he is unhappy. you can't ignore that.
you need to ask him if he is happy with you making art into your business if you can get a regular income from it
if not, what would make him feel better? if you had a part time job and could do art around it?
does he expect you to work full time?

wilf makes a good point though. what if your partner wants to share the parenting? what if he would like to work less so he can spend more time with them?

this isn't just about you, and it isn't jsut about the children either. surely it's about making you all happy and secure?

right now it doesn't sound like either you or your partner are particularly happy, so something needs to give doesn't it?

It's hard work but surely he is parenting too so he is doing a job and being a parent.

If it isn't a job why do so many women say to me, "I it's a relief on the days I work I can actually have a rest and get something done without interruption"

I've just spent three days alone sick kids, it really is hard work but carries no status!

The issue isn't really whether parenting is a job (I'm an sahm so would say it is) but more communication between you and your partner. My partner works and I'm at home-we are both happy with this arrangement....I do 99.9% of the work with the kids so he can go out,relax and do whatever he likes in his spare time. However,if at any point (other than in the middle of a row) he told me he was genuinely struggling with being the only one working,I'd reconsider my position smartish. A bit of give and take is needed. Could you push your art? Take on a few students to give extra tuition? Or get a job at a local art gallery? Then you'd be doing what you enjoy and keeping your partner happy too

You still haven't said what you actually do when the children are at school. Are you in the studio full time?

I don't think parenting is a job. It's a role, but the job part is childcare. I don't consider myself to be doing two jobs on my office days.

Well OP must be producing art some days I would assume.

But I am a SAHM who is a carer (4 kids, 1 toddler age, 2 SN (posibly 3) who also studies PT and I get bored as hell; the carer part limits me but there must be work OP can fit in, although her DP must realise 'get a job' does take time atm.

I'm not sure it's even a word really...

Get a job as an art teacher in a secondary school....you still get the 6 weeks to take your kids to france......but then,why would you, your dh is making shit loads of money anyway....why would you when you can sit on your arse all day doing nothing whilst your cleaner clears up around you.

It's not that easy; she would ahve to do a PGCE Secondary course, and then that's quite competitive entry in most subjects that have low subsequent employment rates.

it may be OP that you need to do some further study to enhance your chances of work in your field, such as PGCE or art therapy.

OTOH people have suggested ehre that your DH gets a say in what field you work in; not so IMO if you make a financial contribution. DH's field is at some times annoying, I don;t ahve the right to sit him down and say he cannot do it any more.

You need a plan. Sit with DP and work out with him how much time you can both agree to give the art a chance to pay. An exhibition is a great start but emans little; my friend is a very talented artist, first degree- now work s in a pub as her family life couldn;t take the strain any longer.

When you get that agreement whether it's six weeks or two years. work like buggery. At the very elast you have to take back the housework- i'm crap at housework too so can empathise but as DH is working 70hr weeks atm it would be wrong not to do my best. Perect he knows he won;t get but trying means a lot.

And look about for work- you might find something that catches your eye a few hours a week, who knows?

Presumably DH is willing to sahre the housework / childcare etc if you are working? Which does actually take some off your hands.

This is a wind-up

But since it raises an interesting point, I agree with Bonsoir that if you choose not to work then you should be making your DH's life a hell of a lot easier. If you don't work and your kids are at school then as far as I'm concerned he shouldn't have to think about the housework at all.

I'm astonished by women who don't feel they should have to work if their DH is unhappy being the sole earner. Why the fuck does he not get that choice?

I admire a lot of the advice here but I do find the tone of some posts quite harsh.

People in relationships often say "Oh there are people out there for you!". It's not nearly as easy to be that optimistic if you have been single for a long time.

Also the world can look full of possibilities when you are in work and have never left it for long. It's easy to say "Oh just get a job! pull yourself together!" and have a bit of a go as well.

But it's not so easy when you have been out of the work place like some of us have been for a long time. I just don't think people realise how much confidence it takes to go back out there from a position of zero status. I'm not saying anyone is wrong, I'm just saying it's easy to say these things, not nearly as easy to do them.

YES.

Our job is to create the next generation of consumers well adjusted members of society.

Longstocking I'm not saying it's easy to get a job. I'm saying I find it incredible that so many women think they have no obligation to contribute financially unless they want to, while their husband has to earn whether he likes it or not.