IS PARENTING A JOB?

[nicola1969]

I am a full time mum.. although hope to be an artist later,,

i have two children aged 7 and 10

my Partner for 20 years(we are not married) works full time and pays for everything..

He is always telling me that i should work also.. i feel that i am working.. looking after the children is definately a job.. if i didnt do it he would have to pay for a nanny or au pair..

what do you think .. being a mum...is what i do a job.?

well the washing machine does the dishes...

I had visions of them piling up ....

Well I can see his point. Why should you be using him as a free meal ticket? And he's even paying for a cleaner??? Frankly I wouldn't be impressed if my husband expected me to bankroll everyhting while he spent every day not cleaning the house. Caring for kids that age definitely isn't a full time job!

yes colditz, studying for a degree is sooooo lazy isn't it

would you say the same if she had been studying for an academic degree?

So you are a SAHM who has a cleaner? What does your "job" entail then, when the kids at at school?

(note - I am also currently a SAHM with children at school so I am aware of how little there is to do!)

There is nothing wrong with not working if it suits both of you and you can afford it. However, you can't kid yourself that looking after 2 school aged children takes up all of your time.

No he is definately not happy its his main grievance along with my mess...

he screams at me that there are these super women who work and bring up children..

i tell him that those kids suffer from lack of love!

Being a student is the equivalent of a job, if fully engaged with (ie proper course hours studied).

You've just qualified though?

How about a post grad if you can't find a PT job, or something linked?

I can see why he'd be annoyed if he has to pay for a claener and you are now finished with studying and your kids are all NT

Well if you are working on your art, I wouldn't say you were lazy. But there has to be agreement on it. If you are just pottering about and not really 'doing' the art full time, he has a point and you should really contribute a bit more either in housework or financially.

I think the point is your dh isn't happy being the sole earner. I think in those circumstances you have a duty to pull your weight financially now.

Think you opened a bunfight there - lack of love?

anyone...

why are you all on his side!

erm, you're just lazy, go on admit it!

I can just about see why someone would want to stay at home with the kids until they are of school age but after that?....Why? Just because you've given birth (and not exactly recently!) doesn't exempt you from contributing financially to the family!

Also, isn't he a parent too? And yet he manages to work as well? (oh and your kids will not notice how much you are loving them while they are at school).
You sound rather selfish and spoilt tbh. I'd be mortified to be living off someone else's money if they felt burdened by it.

Lack of love?!

You having a laugh?

I work FT, have 2 kids and less help round the house than you

You are lazy - your partner needs some financial contribution

You are capable of providing that

And you won't

Damn right I am on your husband's side

The Op isn't studying for a degree any more though. She's finished it. She isn't doing anything monday - friday apart from telling two children to get dressed and eat their breakfast, taking them to school, picking them up 6 hours later, cooking their dinner and then supervising them until bed time.

What is she doing for 6 hours a day?

I'm afraid that I think you're lazy too.

What are you doing when your children are at school? That's plenty of time to work.

I don't think it is a question about being anybody's side. He sounds unhappy. Could you try to get a part-time job and then he could think about reducing his hours?

Children whose mothers work suffer from a lack of love? Absurd. Your daughter (if you have one) will be suffering from a lack of a decent role model, more like. but at least your sons will think all their Christmasses have come at once when they meet someone who doesn't expect them to drive a gravy train, as they've been raised to expect.

So what do you do for the 6 hours a day your children are at school?

Also, how is it a lack of love if the parents work while the children are at school?

You're trying to justify yourself and failing dramatically!

I imagine that you're not much of a role model for your children.

How long would you like your life to stay exactly as it is now?
I see you have sold 2 pieces of art, that's great, do you think you will be able to sell more as time goes on?

I'm probably not coming across very well, but I am curious to know at what point you think it's reasonable for you to contribute to the family finances?

I understand some women are wholly supported by their DH's for their whole married lives, and in some cases, I see nothing wrong with that, so I'm reserving any judgement on OP or her DH until I hear OP's intentions longterm.

Anyone who thinks I'm being unfair, envision the op's name as "Peter1969" and re-read the posts with a man in mind.

NOW is the OP being lazy and selfish?

I'm not on his side - like I said you are family unit. You HAVE to find a way for it to work for ALL of you. If you are forging career as an artist then you are contributing. Assuming you are putting decent effort into your kiln??

starting to wonder if this is for real