IS PARENTING A JOB?

[nicola1969]

I am a full time mum.. although hope to be an artist later,,

i have two children aged 7 and 10

my Partner for 20 years(we are not married) works full time and pays for everything..

He is always telling me that i should work also.. i feel that i am working.. looking after the children is definately a job.. if i didnt do it he would have to pay for a nanny or au pair..

what do you think .. being a mum...is what i do a job.?

I'm a SAHM but me thinks this post may be a wind up?????

Wow! Well done on your degree - trying to be an artist? Clearly you already are!
You have a day job - making art. Keep at it and seek advice to help it pay more - have you thought about running an art club at your kids school?
You look after the children and home once the kids are back from school.
What's the problem?

Do you save up all the dishes for your cleaner twice a week? Surely not? That would mean your kitchen was in a state the majority of the week - that would really do my head in.

Was it the lack of love lunacy that gave it away!?!?

I think it's a joke too. Nobody's that ridiculous!

Must try harder

Don't do the dishes because you have a cleaner twice a week?

Close but no cigar.

My dh thinks 'work' involves financial renumeration and therefore considers that I 'work' only one day a week.
I have a cleaner but I pay for her out of my wages (luckily I can command a lot for one day).
My mum was a SAHM until I was 14. She didnt have a cleaner but had there been more money around her probably would have done. Saying she was lazy seems very unfair. I always think of the school years as reward for the pre school years when kids are much harder work than most FT jobs.

You have older kids, who are mostly at school/able to do stuff for themselves, yet you have someone in to do the cleaning???

This has to be a wind up!?!

OP, who are you normally?

It sounds as though you do work only one day per week pomme. What do you do which you class as work while the children are at school?

i am not a lazy person.. if i am unforgivingly honest. .. i think that in life you have to do what suits you best.. i love my children and enjoyed being there for them...

my partner will have to be patient.. if i make some money i will be happy to help..

but our relationship is on rocky ground and we may not survive that long

Sorry to say this, but I can understand why it's on rocky ground if you expect him to work but don't feel any obligation to do so yourself. Why do you see this as his role and not yours?

You sound lazy and a bit of a loser, I'm afraid.

Interesting that you use the past tense "enjoyed being there for them". So even you realise that there's no such thing as a SAHM, once your children are at school.

Lazy!

Nicola - when you are in a family unit it is not about your needs in isolation

Your relationship is in trouble

You need to decide how to steady things

Your partner sounds very patient if your oldest child is 9

i think some of you are quite harsh... my partner is like OCD tidy... and we have a cleaner so the house can be OCD tidy...

if he sees me doing the hoovering ..he says " DONT YOU KNOW YOU TIDY FIRST AND DO THE HOOVERING ONCE EVERY THING IS TIDY"

It would suit me best to be a SAHM to my pre-schoolers, but as a lone parent I have to work or we don't have a roof over our head.

If they are at school then you can do some work.

That's not OCD - it's common sense

nicola, i do think you are being selfish

"you have to do what suits you best"

but your husband doesn't get to do what suits him best does he? because he has 2 children and a wife to support and a cleaner to pay

I do think that being an artist can be a perfectly valid job. As long as you ARE making regular money by doing it

the fact is, marriage is a partnership. isn't it?
he is not happy in this partnership and that means something has to change. Do you think you can still sit and home and be an artist if your marriage breaks up?

your children are not going to be affected if you have a job while they are at school are they?

soooo... you need to either start bringing in regular money through selling your art. or get another job while the kids are at school

Pastaplease - dd is only 8 months!! I am a planner...
When her and hopefully dc2 are at school I will return to my career which I spent many years building pre kids off the back of an amazing education. I hope to start my own consultancy business over the next few years and run it at a minimum and then dedicate myself to it when I have the time. If I had a job pre kids and not a career and there was money around me I wouldn't bother returning to it (but would consider studying/volunteering).

it doesn't matter even if he is OCD tidy.
the cleaner doesn't matter

what matters is that HE is unhappy being the main wage earner while you are at home all day with no children and no housework to do.

it isn't fair. surely you can see that?

it isn't even a verb tbh

I have to say the thought of going back to regular work until the children are old enough to look after themselves is a worry for me though. I'm pretty much a SAHM but manage to have a couple of jobs that fit in so we don't need to use childcare (DC are 4 and nearly 2).

But when they're at school and you have the daytime free, what about the holidays? They get 13 weeks. Most people in work get around 4 weeks. So even if you have all your annual leave separately to your DH or DP, you can't cover all that time. So they spend thier holidays passed around from pillar to post. Having seen friends try to juggle holiday clubs etc it seems like a logistical nightmare!

Thisisyesterday - you could distill that even further to just 'He is unhappy'.

whatagradeA - working for yourself is the best solution to that imo and what I am aiming for.

pomme, I'm sorry, I thought your children were in school. 8 months - that's a HARD job! :) I'm the same - I'm currently at home with DD (2.5 years) and am slowly building up my consultancy, ready to start work when she starts school. It will fit around her, if all goes to plan.

nicola, you appear very unrealistic and self-centred. It's hardly OCD to expect someone who doesn't work and has a cleaner to tidy up properly. Honestly, this is ridiculous. He's probably wondering when the studio he built is going to turn a profit!

Is the OP serious? Children with working mothers suffer from a lack of love?

Does your partner not love your children then?

I'm not surprised your relationship is on rocky ground tbh.

Does it not worry you that your entire family unit is financially dependent on one person who sounds like they are starting to crack under the strain? Because it would worry me. A lot.

exactly.. my children speak french fluently .. i am french and in the summer i take them to france for 6 weeks..

this has really helped them .. they would never have such fluency without spending so much time in france..!

so whatagrade your right.. are those precious six weeks worth giving up?