IS PARENTING A JOB?

[nicola1969]

I am a full time mum.. although hope to be an artist later,,

i have two children aged 7 and 10

my Partner for 20 years(we are not married) works full time and pays for everything..

He is always telling me that i should work also.. i feel that i am working.. looking after the children is definately a job.. if i didnt do it he would have to pay for a nanny or au pair..

what do you think .. being a mum...is what i do a job.?

Also, very first line of your OP "I am a full time mum" - that's my personal red rag to a bull. We're all full time mums. Does your partner stop being their dad when he is at work?

If you don't WOHM you have to contribute big time to making your DP's life comfortable. That's the deal. Now, what would make your DH's life more comfortable? Think about it... and do it!

Well quite nicola, but if you have the potential to earn money without taking on permanent hours where you have to work holidays then why wouldn't you work on that? As I said I am able to work the hours I choose and I'm doing so even though my children are pre-school age. It's not much but it helps.

Errm, my step-son is fluent in three languages, but neither his parents or step-parents sit on their arses all day and expect someone else to bring in the money while they're perfectly able to contribute themselves.

well Nicola. do you think your children will be happy when you get divorced because of your selfish behaviour?

I repeat, you are lazy and just using your children as an excuse to sit on your arse all day. well done, you must be so proud of yourself

Not to mention the fact that you can forget any maintenance from him for yourself as your shiny new BA and nearly secondary school age children will find you deemed to have at least 20 hours per week earning capacity (you'll get CSA calculated child support), if not more.

Please be a joke?

I'm fluent in French and Italian but didn't go abroad at all when I was a child.

As a compromise can you say that you will do the cleaning from now on? It'll save a bit of money and it won't take too long.
Tidying before hoovering really is common sense, as the tidier of the 2 in my relationship, it used to wind me up no end when DP wouldn't do the washing up STRAIGHTAWAY!! We argued loads until I just decided it would only get done when I wanted it done if I did it. At the time I was the main breadwinner (while he studied) and the washing up was his ONLY household job.

In the long term you need to get your art to pay. I don't think it is a wise idea to have spent 3 years studying for a degree to then get a job in the local shop that is not related to art in anyway, but allows you to pick the kids up.
Have you got a business plan? Being an artist isn't just about making art, it's about selling it and to do that you have to be able to run a business - even if part of that plan is to get an agent to do the boring selling part.

ok... i came here for some advice... seems like i have to make money

so i will listen to your comments BUT watch this space...

i have a big exhibition in may...

who know how many pieces i might sell!

That's in May

What are you going to do for the next 7 months?

and in between my posting this eve .. i am doing the laundry.. he is watching tv!

well that's good! but May is a long way away isn't it?

what else are you doing? do you have a website? do you do local art fairs etc etc?

would your DH be happy if this was your job? and if so, what does he feel you need to do to get it going?

I don't really see how your children would be suffering from a lack of loving attention if you work during the day, OP- surely at age 7 and 9 your children are at school anyway. So how do they actually benefit from your loving attention in the daytime?

You are lazy. And a parasite. Yes, who knows how many pieces you might sell, but if you break that down over the years you've been sat on your arse, it probably won't come to much more (if anything) than minimum wage.

You're not married, you say. So I hope you have a watertight financial agreement drawn up. Or you're up shit street without a potter's wheel.

I work full time and I have managed to do some laundry today. And load the dishwasher too. I don't need to stay at home all day to do these things (and my children are about the same age as yours - slightly older). I also - wow! - cooked dinner!

It's not a job, no.

well we have been together for 20 years so in the eyes of the law he will have to give half if we split

You confident of that, are you?

I feel really sorry for him, frankly.

You have no rights as a common law wife, there is no such thing.

Nonsense. Scurryfunge is right. I hope the house is in both of your names.

i'm not sure that's actually true Nicola. but why are you only concerned about the money?

what about your children?

Dunno. I never thought it was. But if it is I have 2 jobs. I wondered why I was always so knackered.

And re taking them to France for six weeks in the summer - I usually have 4-6 weeks annual leave in the summer. That's paid leave. From my job working outside the home.