DD2 6 just told me something that has worried me...

[GruesomeShellChillingTortoise]

She just said that her 13yr old half Brother keeps pulling her trousers and knickers down and looking at her privates and has touched her(haven't asked her how). And when she is led on his bed he puts her knickers over her head so that his face is close to her privates.
I have just quickly spoken to him (because i didn't know what to say) and he said it was true. I have told him he mustn't do hings like that to his sister and that he shouldn't be looking/touching her privates.

Now i am worried and not sure if i should be doing/saying anything else to either DD2 or DS1.

Please help.

OK, so everyone is agree, OP is doing the right thing, she will be ringing NSPCC tomorrow and taking their advice. Phew!

Good luck OP, take care. :)

@ loops, i hope so.

good luck op please let us know how your night went and how you get with nspcc in the morning.

I wasn't going to post on here, as in contrast what I went through was 'nothing' but it does come with a tale of caution that I think the likes of katrusinkinozal & jangly need to hear.

I was 4. My sister 6. I had a brother of 8 & brother of 12.

One day, the 12yr old invented a game that involved him & the 8yr old 'capturing' me & my sister. We were held down (in a playful way) and the older brother touched us. Hand up the shirt/down the knickers type thing.

We never told, well I was 4, really had no reason to believe that my adored brother was being inappropriate. Sister or other brother didn't seem to be worried & tbh, I had all but put it out of my mind until several years ago.

My eldest brother was jailed for sexual abuse of his daughter & her friend. They are the ones we know of...could have been more. We don't know. I have never told my dad, I think it would kill him. He already feels blame & shame for what his first born did.

This isn't going to just 'go away' if they child is parented well/better/more consciously. Or of the children are kept apart.

To suggest so, shows an utter lack of common sense!

Someone earlier in the thread mentioned how a child mimics behaviours they have seen.

I had it explained to me by someone who was dealing with my son.

According to research a childs mind will spend a long time processing events they have seen/been involved in.
And as they get older they re enact these experiences to try and make sense of them and process what they could have/should have done.

For example DS1 went through a stage of shutting the light off in the bathroom when DS2 was in there. This made DS2 scared and then DS1 would turn the light back on. This had never happened to him BUT The professionals explained he was trying to transfer the fear he felt as a young child onto DS2 so that he could deal with it, because in a childs mind it would solve the problems/memories.

Now as adults we know this is not the case, and through hard work I have taught DS1 this.

Whilst I would say yes call the NSPCC I would be wanting help for my DS just as much as my DD. I would also enquire as to whether there was an Early intervention team/youth intervention team within your area they help children from 10-16yrs old who have shown signs of criminal activity. They take them out , befriend them and talk to them about the things they are doing...they have helped me and my family a lot.

Hope you are OK this morning OP? :)

I'm disgusted by some of the attitudes on here. This young man - and that's what he is, he is not a child - has assulted his two sisters, and said he would carry on doing it when the elder said it was rude. How on earth can that be dealt with by "a firm talking to"?!

OP I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I hope you managed to get some advice from the NSPCC last night. Would second the posters who have said contacting CAMHs. Keep him away from the girls; can you get another person to stay with you for a bit? Use any excuse. Just so you're not having to deal with this by yourself.

sending my thoughts op, hope you are feeling strong this morning.

Oh OP, i am so sorry that this is also happening to your other DD. but i am glad that she has ben able to tell you and i hope that tgis is now teh end of the abuse and the beginning of the healing process for you all.

i think you have handled this brilliantly, you are being so strong for ALL your children. have faith in yourself and teh way you have dealt with this. i can only echo what others have said and to keep the involvement of professionals for as long as they think necessary. this will be a painful jouney for you all, but from your posts i can tell that your children have a firm anchor in you and you will only do what is right for them. good luck with this and MN is always here for those times when you need support.

I rarely post but I just think you are so brave to come on here with this.

What a terrifying situation.

You have had some great advice and some really brave ladies have come forward with their experiences. I cannot even comprehend how awful their shattered childhoods must have been.

I am so sorry you going through this. I hope you get the professional help your family needs. I agree with the majority that this is NOT something that can or should be dealt with "in the family". You need your DD- who was very very brave to tell you about something that was clearly playing on her mind and that she was very uncomfortable about and well done for having that sort relationship with her- to see that you are taking her seriously.

I have no idea if the behaviour your son is showing indicates that he could go down a much more serious path but agree with the majority that his behaviour needs to be addressed now by experts and that your whole family needs to have help to come to terms with this.

All the very best, you are VERY VERY brave to come on here.

I just want to add that you are very brave and i think that handling this very well.
Well done to you for being such a caring and conscientious Mum. Both your children are lucky to have you.

I cannot ofer meaningful advice but, in your position (or any position) I would be very reluctant to get the state involved.

Charities, private psychologists etc, fine but once the state gets involved, they tend to take over.

And, only you know your own children. I am hoping it is far MORE innocent than the bald statement shows. Thirteen year olds vary hugely, from the sexually active to some who are really still children. Which category your child falls into is something only you know.

As for advice for someone who works with "looked after" children (i.e not looked after children), I would run a mile from that. Our "looked after" children are often abusers, abused and criminal. The UK is just a disaster in this area and not where you want your children to end up...EVER.

larry that is a very bold statement. Yes, looked after children are vulnerable and statistically more likely to have the problems that you outline, but saying that the system does not work at all is utter nonsense.
Speaking as a previously "looked after" child who went from a horrendous family background to not ideal, but much better placements, then university and a very comfortable life, I can vouch that the system does work positively some of the time. If I hadn't been put into care, I know I would not be where I am today.

I'm not saying, OP, that "care" has to be anything to do with your situation, I just wanted larrygrylls to understand that the system that she is supposedly working for isn't all bad.

Loopyloops,

I am v pleased to hear of your experience and it certainly counters a lot of what I have heard and read. I guess that in any system there will be some kind, decent people.

However, on average, the stats, I feel, do bear me out. There is just not enough money in the system to employ the right number of well qualified, well motivated people. There was a Panorama programme following some "plants" in a social work setting recently. They got very little training and were sent out to make extraordinarily complex decisions affecting children's lives.
Most of them ended up in tears with the stress.

Given that you have personal experience, how many of your friends from that time have had outcomes like yours?

Larry. Out of the people I knew who were in care I am only in contact still with a few. Out of these:

Brother - has a degree, owns his own company
Sister - has a degree, working in professional job abroad
Sister's foster sister - no degree, but working in good job, owns her own home
Friend 1 - Degree, Masters and Phd, working in very competitive field.
Friend 2 (1's sister) - no degree, recently given up good job after disabled, dependent brother recently died. As she and her sister have been full-time carers of him since the ages of 15 and 17, she is taking a well deserved gap year and travelling.
Friend 3 - satisfactory job, four children.

So, maybe I just know people with determination, but my experience is that the system is great if the children involved are intelligent in the first place.

Incidentally, this subject is very close to the focus for the PhD I am about to start.

In what capacity do you work with looked after children?

LARRY that is one childrens service in many through out the country, intervention does alot of the time work with early support and intervention.

Just want to thank everyone for their help, support and for sharing your experiences.

I managed about 4 hrs sleep but am ok. I have not long ago phoned NSPCC. The 1st part of the advice is to speak to DS1's head of year and then the 2nd was to contact SS for advice and possible councelling. The man i spoke to was very nice and did agree it could be linked to how DS1 was treated by XP2. Especially as he would have been around DD1's age when it started.

I had to phone on my mobile upstairs as DD2 is still home (48 school rule after sickness). Do i phone school now or wait until it is easier tomorrow when DD2 will be back at school?

I would phone now if I were you, and well done for making that call, it must have been hard.

OP, want to echo what a lot of other people are saying to you. You are extremely brave to come on here, but you are getting excellent advice from most people, about treating this situation seriously. I can only add that I worked with sex offenders for years and that statistically the person that a child is most likely to be sexually abused by is their brother. I only mention this so as to say how ever shocking it is, it is the most common type of sexual abuse. Also, that there is a clear pattern of physical/emotional abuse as a child among sexual offenders (I think you mentioned that your DS had suffered this?). Just want to offer you any support and to say that involving "the state" is really the only way to go to help ALL your children in the long term.

glad you are ok op, i would call today as you may not get to talk with head of year and request the head of year calls you with urgance tomorrow.

I would contact ss before to be honest so you can give head of year the full picture of what is going to happen etc.

Are you going to phone SS now too? I think that is much more important than the school. Did they give you the relevant numbers?

yes I agree gino, SS first is better, then you can tell the school what they say.

I would call ss yourself better coming from you than the school and they should be able to put you onto a synpathti. Paed with experiance who can gentley examine the dd

Oh, I want to send you hugs. Sorry, I know it's not the done thing but I think you are being so brave.

im a little surprised nspcc did not offer further input, will they be keeping intouch with you?