DD2 6 just told me something that has worried me...

[GruesomeShellChillingTortoise]

She just said that her 13yr old half Brother keeps pulling her trousers and knickers down and looking at her privates and has touched her(haven't asked her how). And when she is led on his bed he puts her knickers over her head so that his face is close to her privates.
I have just quickly spoken to him (because i didn't know what to say) and he said it was true. I have told him he mustn't do hings like that to his sister and that he shouldn't be looking/touching her privates.

Now i am worried and not sure if i should be doing/saying anything else to either DD2 or DS1.

Please help.

I have read this from the beginning, although not posted as yet, just been catching up every few hrs to see if you have updated.
I also do not wish to involve myself in the opinions/contraversy/arguments that others have posted

I only come on to ask how things have been this afternoon. Have you contacted anyone else other than NSPCC outside of the family? How have your DC been since the outing of these incidents?

I wish you strength during this awful time. Bug hugs sent your way xx

Please don't go through this alone

i would like to point out larry your language and generalisation of what Is your opinion of what social services will do is not at all any help. I would like to know where you have these facts opr ideas from.

A social worker is a proffessional who study an undergo proffessional exams. It is very unlikely this family will be broken up over this.

what choice of proffessional do you suggest the op accesses as a single mother to 4 dcs.

Larry you are quite simply wrong. You say you work with looked after children. I would like to know in what capacity you do, as you ought to know that Social Workers are now required to have either a degree or Masters degree in Social Work, plus probationary experience, in order to practice.

You obviously have some negative experience of something to do with this system, but suggesting that OP's family will probably be split up is going to cause unnecessary grief and worry.

OP, how did you get on with the phone calls? Hope you're OK. :)

Thinking of you OP. You are doing marvellously in such a gut-wrenching situation.

Sending you strength

Dear GruesomeT I have read the whole thread now and would modify what I said earlier.The boy's reaction does suggest that professional help is needed and I think you are such a brave,wonderful lady to tackle this huge problem as a single mum.

While there is obviously some risk of encountering a care professional who is a bully, an axe-grinder or a fucking idiot, the risk associated with 'dealing with it in the family' is much more severe. And should the OP encounter any unhelpful professionals, she's intelligent, articulate and will have the benefit of MN collective wisdom to assist her in dealing with anything else that arises.
OP: it's impossible to deal with a situation like this within the family without either making your DDs feel that their distress doesn't matter and that they should just accept their brother's assaults or making their brother feel like the family monster. He has done something awful but he is still a child acting out his pain, and he needs more help than punishment but your DDs safety has to come first.
Very best of luck getting it all sorted. You are doing a brilliant job so far.

larry, your last post is seriously rude, unpleasant, ignorant and scaremongering

you should be ashamed of yourself

this is a support thread...not a place for you to practice your axe-grinding

op i just hope you are not put off by the contast in opinion here just want to stress at least my own continued support and the support others have shown. please keep in touch

OP I'm afraid I have struggled to read through this thread due to it hitting home for me quite powerfully but I wanted to offer my hugs and support.

I'm so glad to see an example of a mum actively doing the right thing for her children.

Please don't listen to the 'keep it in the family' poster. There are other people on here who are clearly giving you excellent advice so I don't need to add anything.

LarryGhrylls you have right fucking pissed me off. Social workers have to study to degree or masters level to gain their qualifications, so don't you DARE say they are not professionals. Fuck that. You asked what social services would do to help the family - I have explained TWICE on THIS thread what they should do - you can't be arsed to read it, so I'm not explaining again. You profess to have some knowledge of the 'system' yet you say it's 'highly likely the family will be split up' which is WRONG and scaremongering and completely unhelpful to the OP, who is likely to get scared off from seeking the support all her children need. Shut up.

Just to clarify I am pretty sure that Larry does not work with "looked after" children.

When he wrote this: "As for advice for someone who works with "looked after" children (i.e not looked after children), I would run a mile from that." what I assumed he had done was substituted the word "for" for the word "from" by accident. So what he's actually saying is: "as for advice FROM someone who works with "looked after" children...I would run a mile from that." I.e. more social worker slagging.

Correct if wrong larry. If possible without sounding like a tantrumming teenager.

Oooooh, that makes more sense.

No it doesn't, that makes it totally out of context, he/she??? was the one who started talking about looked after children.

PLEASE everyone stop arguing and focus on the OP.

OP how are you?

I am OK. Just feeling tired/drained and a bit tearful. I haven't made any phone calls yet but have a day to myself tomorrow (assuming no one else gets ill!).

DC are all acting normal as if nothing was said yesterday. DD's haven't said anything more. Thought DD2 might as she was alone with me all day but she didn't.

I have told 2 close friends. So i can talk to either of them if i need RL support. Really glad to have MN though.

i am not surprise you feel drained. it is taking alot of energy to menatlly deal with this. i am glad you have RL support. try and get some sleep tonight.

Glad you told your friends and that they are being supportive.

Take care, hope it goes OK tomorrow. :)

glad you are ok, it is no surprise you are tired and drained and tearfull. so glad you have support and friends you can confind in as well as mn.

will be good for you to have some space to your self. good luck with phone call aswell.

We're all rooting for you. Be brave tomorrow.

ok, i can see you have had some great replies here already.
You have done well calling NSPCC and please do call SS. They will talk to the children further and will decide if your DDs will need to see a doctor too. They will likely ask police to talk to your DS, just in case but please dont panic.
I hope you get better sleep tonight and your nightmare is soon over with :(

larry, just so you know- any private psychiatrist and/or charity who became aware of this situation would be legally required to inform SS.

There's literally no point arguing about it.

SS want to work with the family where possible- if they are informed of the situation by the mother, they will recognise that she wants to work with them too, and will more easily facilitate effective support.

And good luck OP.

lisad123 I hope the police won't need to talk to him. I think that would really upset him. He had to do police interviews in the past due to XP2. I don't know how i can put him through that again. I am struggling to know what to do for the best of all my DC.

You are not putting him through it Tortoise, remember that none of this is your fault, and you are going to help all of your children.

I sense a shift here OP < worried >

You must get help for your son, really

Professionals trained in this (and they will have handled it many times before) are best-placed to provide that help

You cannot do it alone...you have a conflict of interests here. As his mother, you cannot give impartial support to him, it has to come from outside the family

Poor Op. Agree with conflict of interest. This is why you do need support.