How much do you 'ignore' your children?

[Gameboy]

Have just been out with two families - friends of ours- who have kids about the same age, and I have to confess, I am amzed by the extent to which they actively 'ignore' their children trhoughout the whole afternoon.

By this I mean they seem to 'zone out' from all the various requests/ questions/ constant 'to-ing and fro-ing' that seems typical of under- 6s??

As a result they actively seem to enjoy themselves more, manage to have 'adult' conversations (which I gave up years ago )and it seems that their kids eventually give up and go and sort out themselves whatever it is they want....( which seems like a good thing I suppose)

I can't decide whether I'm just a mug with my kids and let them dominate my life too much... but I simply CAN'T ignore them - it seems really rude and uncaring somehow??

"If vaunda had been really upset she would have stopped posting"

Well if I'd been doubted and questioned like she has been i would have been upset
and probably stopped posting

the fact that she didn't doesn't show she wasn't upset

it shows she has strength of character

toothache and zippi
evidence based philosophy is just long words for what most of us do. We try to find out other people's experience, add it to our own, and use it to help us come to a decision. And we try to ensure that our decisions are coherent (that's the philosophy bit). Its not rocket science!

(you're still lurking though arent you caligula?)

Zippitippitoes - Exactly! If she had stopped posting she would have been slagged off for flouncing and accused of not having the guts the stay and debate when people disagree...... or she would've been acccused of being a troll!

Disappointing and sad that MN is like this from time to time. Everyone is so suspicious and quick to judge/jump down throats..... and have a go at peoples vocabulary!

I have seen MN'ers arguments totally discounted jsut because they can't spell???!!!!! Horrible.
(Cod excluded coz her typos are infamous!)

Nightnight - Thanks for that.... needed that explanation I'm sure! Perhaps I'm just not intelligent enough to articulate a point of view correctly!!!!!

I am not condoning that thread but I just don't see why so many people are getting upset on Vaundas' behalf and she seems fine. And although I agree that some posts have been harsh I don't know how many I would class has shocking and disgusting.

Also, I am bearing in mind that some people feel they have been had, maybe you or I don't agree but that would create a less savoury reaction.

Maybe it is strength of character but I think that sometimes it is the better part of valour to just back out. Especially when a lot of later comments only seemed to add more fuel to the fire.

applies pillow strategically in desparate but vain attempt to put this thread out of its misery at last

I think it is possible to exit gracefully with a sort of "Look, Im not discussing this any more, because Ive got more important things to do, see you later, best wishes to all" kind of posting.

If one stays, carries on making controversial claims and carries on not explaining them, then people are naturally going to wonder why.

sorry to have annoyed you Toothache! you just seemed to think that ordinary mums couldn't be expected to have an evidence based philosophy for bringing up their children, so I was just pointing out that that is what most of us do naturally.

No I'm not, Nightynight

Weesaidie - Did you read that thread?? That alone was shocking and disgusting. I wish I had read it all now!

Vaunda might not have come on here and said "you lot have really really upset me" coz she probably would have been slated for that too! So do you blame her?

As for the "being had" thing..... are their MN'er that concentrate on searching back in the archives for the validity of someones posts? I see that happen alot here.... links to old threads quesitoning the occupation/income/number of children.

Why are some MN'ers so keen to be the one to OUT A FRAUDSTER! Can't we just assume that someone isn't lying and trolling until there is something glaringly obvious (which there usually is!)? It makes for a hostile environment if you feel your every post is being scrutinised for discrepencies!

Exactly nightynight.

But NN

(dog with bone i am)

she hasn't said or done anything controversial
and if everyone who was attacked backed off as soon as their opinion was dismissed by others then mn would be a very bland and impoverished place

Lurking Caligula sounds like a racehorse!

Surely weesadie has it just right. Plus I bet there's alot that people aren't saying. Very reserved I thought.

I stil don't get this evidence based philosophy business

I admire Vaunda for her staying powere and standing her ground, maybe she shouldn't have become the centre of the topic considering it wasn't about her, however people are entitled to their opinion, I am referring to Vaunda's and everyone disagreeing with her views. I haven't read all the posts but I also have to agree that some of them are a little harsh but they are people's opinions taht we all have to respect.

I would however have probably gone off and cried in a corner if I was on the receiving end of a thread bashing

Nightynight - Your post came across as condescending..... another speciality on MN now!

I would have done what nightynight suggested and just left it, because it would have upset me needlessly.

There may be some people who are a bit too quick to jump to the 'its a troll' conclusion but some of Vaundas claims did seem a little 'out there' so I am not surprised some people voiced that concern. People have obviously had their fingers burnt on here a few times and are now maybe overcautious.

Am probably going to regret this so basically

your personal value system + your lifestyle + your personality + your child's personality
= the level you ignore your child

so therfore we all ignore on a sliding scale from don't to alot .

Can't really see the controversy in her posts either.

She'd has more flack than Lavenderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and the rifle topic! Now that was controversial!

Thanks Ericblack... I have been lurking for ages and even now I think I probably shouldn't have bothered saying anything!

zippi
Ive got hold of the other end of the bone in my teeth!

I personally found several things that V said very controversial.

Slight change of subject, If you make a posting, and suddenly find that you've dropped in the middle of hot water, then I think it is perfectly understandable to make a graceful exit. I once did that, said something and inadvertantly caused a massive flameup. I defended my opinion because I thought it was right (and still do). But now, I prefer not to get involved in long discussions because they are too distracting, so if it happens again, Ill just do the exit thing, and mumsnet will have to be the blander!

I don't think she got more flack than Lavender but I think Lav would have flounced ages ago, which is what I would have done! But I would have tried to be calm about it, as Vaunda has been.

Me too, exactly. I feel dirty and shamed now!