How much do you 'ignore' your children?

[Gameboy]

Have just been out with two families - friends of ours- who have kids about the same age, and I have to confess, I am amzed by the extent to which they actively 'ignore' their children trhoughout the whole afternoon.

By this I mean they seem to 'zone out' from all the various requests/ questions/ constant 'to-ing and fro-ing' that seems typical of under- 6s??

As a result they actively seem to enjoy themselves more, manage to have 'adult' conversations (which I gave up years ago )and it seems that their kids eventually give up and go and sort out themselves whatever it is they want....( which seems like a good thing I suppose)

I can't decide whether I'm just a mug with my kids and let them dominate my life too much... but I simply CAN'T ignore them - it seems really rude and uncaring somehow??

Agree with the Moo Jimjams ... I can see how the "Magic Boy" wouldn't be quite so magic after Dynorod have been round to your house!!

What children?

Sorry! Well, I wouldn't call it ignoring, more giving them the empowering opportunity to amuse themselves, which is a very handy thing to learn.

Seriously I do try to zone out sometimes to spare my sanity. In other words when I'm on mn

Conversation goes something like

TG junior 'Mummy, can I put next doors cat in the toilet/eat chalk/learn to fly/cut my sisters hair??'

Me (vague/zoned out mode)'Hmmmmmmm...? Yes darling...as long as it doesn't make too much mess.'

I don't ignore them - I just make sure I run when one screams

In the opposite direction I presume QoQ

of course LOL

Atta girl

eap when htey are having thier naps [grins]

you been drinking???

am getting more like cod every day One day Ill stop previewing and then..........

LOL.

yeah totally holidays end on Monday need to get the beer in while I can

actaully the typing is bad always jsut I preview more while sober

it's not ignoring it's called |relaxed parenting and it is very good for children and Quite The Thing actually...

vaunda , are you for real?

omg - alexsmum - I see what you mean.

"I was fortunate and amazed when at the age of 10 months he said his first sentence.... he had already been putting 2 words together for a couple of weeks. By the time he was 15 months old he was fluently speaking and at about 2 could have a good conversation with you."

sentences at 10 months old????

Just read this thread and am pmsl at Vaunda's prodigy.

Sorry Vaunda if he's real, but it's still funny. He sounds like Frasier Crane when he was little. Can he conjugate Greek verbs yet?

PMSL about the twin towers and telling his teacher not to worry.

Changed my name for this one, because it's about DP. He's a doted-on only child. Grew up going to (posh) restaurants with his parents and generally being involved in all their social gatherings and being encouraged to participate. (BTW he was also very involved with children of his own age). This obviously made for a very intelligent and well-informed boy, but now in his 30s he does, as JimJams says, still think of older people as grown-ups. He also behaves like the third spouse in his parents' marriage and does not, IMO, show them enough respect.

I don't at all mean this as an attack on you Vaunda. As a new first-time mother I have no strategy myself, but just felt like sharing my observations from close to home.

cant believe I missed this thread, its so funny!

On a serious note though (boring) I think kids should be allowed to be kids and enjoy their innocence while they can, doesnt normally last v. long. Adult conversations such as money, politics etc should be kept between adults and kids shouldnt have to be concerned about these things. Agree with metamorph, in my experience, as teenagers/adults they never show parents respect, as they think they know better.

Have to say that Vaunda's ds sounds incredibly unchildlike but she obviously loves him that way. Personally I'm quite glad mine are more ordinary (currently squabbling, making daft faces at the baby, spilling breakfast everywhere etc.) I practice strategic ignoring too otherwise would go insane.

Lonelymum, I only just saw your post, but

i ignore my children. i let them get on with things and i dont involve myself inevery single aspect of their playtime. if they want to go and draw in their rooms, they can, they dont need me there supervising. if they want to go and watch a film whilst i'm cleaning, they can, they dont need me there to discuss every aspect of the 101 dalmations or whatever they are watching. in fact my children actually send me away sometimes as they play, as they dont like to be watched all the time. dd1 will go off and sing on the climbing frame, but if she spots me watching and listening she stops. i try to encourage them, we read books together, do crafts together, play silly games of mummy being a monster/cow/monkey etc, and they love to play when they can jump on me (mieows trampoline sis excellant place to have 5 kids jump on you btw).

but i dont like them listing and butting into adult conversations. atm my adult convos are about serious stuff(mieows nasty neighbours, my husbands heart problems, etc) or some rather adult jokes. i dont want my kids being all knowledgable at a young age, they are kids and i want them to keep that innocence, afterall an adult cant see fairies at the bottom of the garden.

Vaunda ... I hadn't really paid much attention to this thread before I saw the last post, but have now gone back and read your posts

Firstly I think your memory of dates might be slightly coloured especially with the sentences at under a year .. I am sure he is extremely bright .. even my DS who I ensure is ignored was able to hold a conversation by a year and a half and construct sentences.

I think the most important thing I can say, if you're for real, is please be very very careful you don't raise and isolated loner .. it is extremely important that you focus on their social skills with their peers if you truly want to raise a well-rounded individual

My sister took the same approach with her eldest and she was a miserable loner through late primary school .. hyper-intelligent and very into classical music .. but a miserable crying wreck because she could only associate with adults .. it was heartbreaking. They had to find ways to make her more aware of peers and social intercourse. Now at approaching maturity she is gauche and unconfident socially though still extremely intelligent

The same sister's youngest child (she has 3) is a totally different kettle of fish .. still hyper intelligent but also extremely happy, confidant and social

from what you have posted, which is obviously not your life but a snapshot .. the only conclusion that can be drawn is that there is no balance ..

we do our best for our children .. we all do .. as a word to a 'friend' be careful you do not instill too adult values and let your child lose his childhood .. that would be extremely sad ..

Twiglett, that's exactly what I wanted to say too!

great thread.
Is vaunda for real? Just one little comment for her... as a parent one of our jobs is to prepare them for the real world and to develop as rounded people able to connect and intereact with their peers as well as people of different ages and backgrounds. He might be happy now at school, but how will he feel in secondary school if he has few friends of a similar age and prefers to be in the classroom doing work rather than playing?? I have a good idea of how many of his peers might feel about that..be careful.

Ok - personally I agree with a lot of you about balance. I try to give my children a lot of active attention, as a SAHM we do a lot together. However, we all benefit from a break with each other now and again so they spend time playing happily alone, have play dates, go to other children?s homes to play, spend time with their nanny and grandpa as well as aunts and uncles. They do not accompany us on adult evenings out - tucked up in bed away from the rude adult conversations