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How much do you 'ignore' your children?

1500 replies

Gameboy · 10/09/2005 17:02

Have just been out with two families - friends of ours- who have kids about the same age, and I have to confess, I am amzed by the extent to which they actively 'ignore' their children trhoughout the whole afternoon.

By this I mean they seem to 'zone out' from all the various requests/ questions/ constant 'to-ing and fro-ing' that seems typical of under- 6s??

As a result they actively seem to enjoy themselves more, manage to have 'adult' conversations (which I gave up years ago )and it seems that their kids eventually give up and go and sort out themselves whatever it is they want....( which seems like a good thing I suppose)

I can't decide whether I'm just a mug with my kids and let them dominate my life too much... but I simply CAN'T ignore them - it seems really rude and uncaring somehow??

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fqueenzebra · 10/09/2005 21:46

I don't deliberately "ignore" them. That sounds weird, tbh. But with 3 of them and some needs of my own I often ask them/make them wait for attention, though.

Vaunda · 10/09/2005 21:46

Scummy,
My friends invite my ds along so it is very unlikely that they wouldn't want him there is it

Vaunda · 10/09/2005 21:50

Marthamoo,
My friends love talking to karl. One in particular discusses the solar system with him regularly, while another discusses books, another discusses clothes. Others discuss my DS's Views on childrens behaviour and education.
He can sit and discuss the after affects of death clearly and understanding what is being said to him.
he is capable of these conversations and my friends are happy for him to be included with everything. One is having his 40th b'day party soon and my ds is top of his list (his words) for being invited.

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Thomcat · 10/09/2005 21:52

Vaunda you son sounds lovely, and it sounds like you have a great relationship with him. I'm sure children's imagination can grow when you are there, it's just that personally I just like to let lottie play on her own now and then, both for her own enjoyment so she can loose herself in her own world and so I can do some paperwork, read a book etc, oh and chat on Mumsnet It's just how I do things that's all.
ing at looking through the door frame and watching her play, it's so cute

marthamoo · 10/09/2005 21:54

He's obviously a very bright little boy, Vaunda. And you're very lucky in your friends.

Vaunda · 10/09/2005 21:55

Thomcat yes it is great to sit in the background and watch them play. Karl is mainly happy when he is reading sometimes i wish i could get his nose out of a book. Mind you tomorrow when we are in hyde park he will not be able to read hahahaha i am leaving all books at home.
we are off to the family prom in the park

Vaunda · 10/09/2005 21:56

Martha yes he is very bright, sometimes too bright. his latest thing is to tell me and his dad that if we want to have a baby then it is about time we stop smoking,,,,,,, we are booked into a smoking clinic from wednesday for 7 weeks.... wish me luck please.

marthamoo · 10/09/2005 21:59

He's right there, Vaunda . Of course good luck to you both (dh and I have both given up. Me for almost 9 years, him for nearly a year - it is do-able).

Vaunda · 10/09/2005 22:05

Martha
it is the thing that has kept me sane since i lost my dad...... lighting up when i get down. silly i know but hey thats life and hopefully IF i can do it with this prgramme I will have given up in about 3 weeks.... if i am on par.

marthamoo · 10/09/2005 22:10

Best of luck, Vaunda.

tarantula · 10/09/2005 22:12

Think it depends what age they are. I darent take my eyes off dd (19 mnths) when we are out as she is a climber but I do encourage her to play on her own while dp and I are doing things. Dp is better at this tho as he has her all day and is a bit less 'doting' than me as a result .
I believe that it is good to teach them how to do things and then let them get on with it eg swinging on a swing/climbing (and falling)etc. So as dd gets older I will expect her to amuse herself more and more.
I also believe that its important that kids can talk to adults intelligently but that the company of other children is preferable.

cinderelly · 10/09/2005 22:41

havent read thread properly, but isnt that what dad's are for?? (wink) ooh! am too young for this bitterness

Vaunda · 10/09/2005 22:41

Tarantula.... that si considering the child likes other childrens company.....
my ds is very like me and doesn't really, he prefers to be helping people less able or being with adults.

nooka · 10/09/2005 22:59

I have always felt that independance was important, and as I have two children very close in age they have always been each other's best friends. So to be honest it's more often that I feel they are ignoring me!

My ds is also very bright, loves to be the centre of an adult's attention and can hold quite complex conversations. However I think it's vital for his well being that he is happy on his own, happy to be without his parents, and relates well to children his own age.

In general I think that the English culture does not encourage children to be highly involved with the adult scene, which in general I guess is a bad thing, however I know that I am uncomfortable if I see young children out and about past seven o'clock (at 5 and 6 my two are in bed at 7.30), or in adult environments such as a pub (especially if they are smoky - but then I don't like pubs myself). I wouldn't think this in a country like Spain because children are much more visible there, and there is amore family centred culture and also because afternoon siestas are the norm. I guess I think that up to seven is family time, when things should be child centred, and after that is adult time. But I do recognise that only children do live very different lives, and that what I see as normal and right may horrify others.

Lonelymum · 10/09/2005 23:03

Allt he time. My children are constantly clamouring to be told the names of the female genitalia and I repeatedly ignore their requests for information.

Lonelymum · 10/09/2005 23:03

NOT

Jimjams · 10/09/2005 23:16

Why do all of your ds' friends have a disability Vaunda? And what sort? I started holding ds2's parties at nursery as all the home ones were like a SN class and I thought it wasn't fair (his elder brother is disabled so ds2 lives with it 24/7- and most of our friends have disabled children).

ghosty · 10/09/2005 23:19

I actively try to ignore my children as much as possible.

marthamoo · 10/09/2005 23:20

Lonelymum, you just made me choke on my wine

marthamoo · 10/09/2005 23:20

ghosty, I haven't seen you for ages - how the hell are you?

Jimjams · 10/09/2005 23:21

She's been visiting me. She ignored my children as well

aloha · 10/09/2005 23:25

I love my friends children. I might even invite them out with us. I'd be appalled if they came

tarantula · 10/09/2005 23:28

Sorry Vaunda but have to say if a child doesnt like the company of his peers then thats a problem AKAIC. All children should be able to comumicate and play with children wihtin a similar agegroup within reason (am not expecting all children to get on with each other tbh) but if a child was not happy in the company of other children then Id be a tad worried quite frankly and I certainly would be worried if my child was more concerned with 'helping' the 'less able' rather than being a friend to a child who was as you put it 'less able'.

tarantula · 10/09/2005 23:28

oops I mean AFAICS

marthamoo · 10/09/2005 23:29

Lol, aloha - you said it

So ghosty has been in deepest darkest Devon?

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