How much do you 'ignore' your children?

[Gameboy]

Have just been out with two families - friends of ours- who have kids about the same age, and I have to confess, I am amzed by the extent to which they actively 'ignore' their children trhoughout the whole afternoon.

By this I mean they seem to 'zone out' from all the various requests/ questions/ constant 'to-ing and fro-ing' that seems typical of under- 6s??

As a result they actively seem to enjoy themselves more, manage to have 'adult' conversations (which I gave up years ago )and it seems that their kids eventually give up and go and sort out themselves whatever it is they want....( which seems like a good thing I suppose)

I can't decide whether I'm just a mug with my kids and let them dominate my life too much... but I simply CAN'T ignore them - it seems really rude and uncaring somehow??

agree now custardo

see new thread

Custardo, I can keep my cool. insulting people, shouting, and anger solve nothing in this world. On this subject of raising my son my way I am right for our life maybe not for every child but certainly for mine. But as we all know all adults and all children are very different.

Sounds to me like she had pretty severe depression Vaunda, perhaps PND. People in that situation do have a habit of refusing help as they refuse to admit to their problems..it's all part of the illness itself. It's VERY rare for a mother to be so neglectful simply due to temperament. And she was self medicating with alcahol. It's too easy to judge harshly in such a situation, especially if you have experienced PND yourself. People generallly run a mile whe confronted with reminders of their own weakness.

Monkey the only thing she was suffering with was serious embarrassment of her son. Who i adore, he is a great kid and i spent many hours helping him to leanr basic things he had never been shown.....

I'm not suggesting you have had PND, by the way - that's just been my experience.

... but my initial reading of this thread (and I am not going back to re-read it !) was that Vaunda only got judgemental when other people started judging - and criticising - her.

Personally, I think the "whore" description is a bit harsh - and judgemental - but it does fit with the black and white way that Vaunda seems to see the world - as it is her prerogative.

Adnd just becasue some people can't visualise how a TV could have hit (or glanced off) her doens't mean it didn't happen. I can visualise it, so can see how it could have happened as she describes. Although I am determine never to let my ds have a TV (or PC!) in his room - which is another issue entirely! (and that's despite me being in the "ignoring camp! )

Monkey in her own words...
" I can't do the mothering bit i am ok when he is in bed but i hate getting up to him when he is ill or to take him to school. He is embarrassing on buses so we walk. I can't cook, i don't know how hot to do his bath I am not any good at being a mum, i wish I could leave him somewhere"

She even one night dragged the boy out of bed to take himto the police station so she didn't have to bring him up anymore as he was "stupid" again hr words and actions. I wouldn't let her and put him back to bed.

yes but the flights of fancy...

I don't particularly see any flights of fancy

I think Vaunda is just answering what people say and good for her

Prettybird,
he wasn't going to have the tv in his room but the toy room is full up so it had to go in there lol as for the pc he studies on that his choice, he has games and also educational cd roms he decides what to do and when.
Just for the record i replaced the chest of drawers for a lower one after the tv incident

2yrs and you class yourselfs as 'newly weds'

I see what you mean Vaunda. It's very sad.

Only I think too often we judge women too harshly. She needed help in accepting her son's disability. None of this was your responsibility, of course. I've just got a bee in my bonnet about latent misogyny and it's expressions in society.

Okay, I've got to be good now and read the Collected works of Karl Marx and Fred Engles 1958-1960. Caligula, can you return the favour and kick me off if you see me - although just thinking baout it is making me loose the will to live..

LOL! How long have you given yourself to read them?

If she doesn't want him why on earth are SS not on teh case. This sounds like a chronic problem. Surely she wouldve been assigned a social worker when he was diagnosed?

QoQ
the beginning of our marriage was a very bad time. I lost my dad 3 months to the day we wed, we then moved in with mum to help her cope and stayed there for a while just under a yr. then we moved to our current home and my cousin moved in immediatly. so yes in terms of starting out together the 3 of us as a family we are just beginning

Honest, I wasn't judging you!

And I am sure we will eventually give in on the PC front, especially if, as we plan, we get the house sorted with a wireless router.

And we deliberately leave the TV on Cbeebies when we go to bed at night, so that when ds comes downstairs (his bedroom is upstairs, ours is downstairs), he can go through and watch it without disturbing us. Baaaaaaad parents!

Caligula, it's only ONE book from a reading list of 32 which all have to be read by Sept 27th! And among them are the works of bloomin Carliyle! Can you believe the reading list was only published on Monday??

blimey anyone would think she left him (the son) with a complete stranger.

I'm guessing (and she's your "2nd" cousin) you know her reasonably well - or she wouldn't have asked you.

I've often asked people "I" know well to look after my children (admittedly not so I can spend the day in bed having sex though ). So I'm not sure what's wrong with that.

I jumped into bed with my (now) Dh the day after I met him (almost on our first meeting but the foolish man had no condom's in ). So if she's a whore for jumping the day AFTER meeting a man - what must that make me !

Monkey, last i knew the ss had contacted her on her mobile aftrer i gave them the number after she left here. since then i don't know what has happened. I just hope lil one is ok

If LaVaunda is for real she is stretching the truth- a RBS scheme to access disadvantaged communities/ outreach becomes a "guarateed" three places for Junior's from the school for their whole lives, being friends with children with SN becomes only having "disabled" children as friends (and I'm still concerned about the motives behind that one). A school church service for c of e kids becomes mass. I do know someone in RL like this and you end up not knowing where reality stops and fantasy starts. The alternative is that vaunda first language isn't english- but she has said it is.

QoQ, the point was that her son did not know me and was very agitated all day. I called her many times to tell her this and her reply was I am too busy ravishing his body to come home ffs, this was her son i was calling her about and she was more interested in a man

V, nothing wrong with having sex that often, I'm just impressed!

monkeytrousers- no way would she have been assigned a SW for having a son dxed with AS! Took me years to actively seek out one for a severelky autisttic son.

"i dont understand how she has kept so cool " ahh 0 but she didn't "completely" keep her cool.

Vaunda - I had a shit load of things happen in the first 1 or so of marriage - but I was still only a 'newly wed' for about 6 months or so!

Hang on - if her son didn't know you, how come you've spent time doing thigs with him?? I'm confused.

Well jimjams all of what i have said is the truth and is not at all stretched. But as this is a free contry we are all entitled to believe or disbelieve anything we chose. If you chose to disbelieve me then so be it, it is no skin off my nose.