She was asleep. I had read her a story and laid next to her, she asked for 'more tic tic' which means I have to stroke her tummy and she fell asleep, all messy hair and little soft round face. One arm on her nappy, the other above her head. So perfect, so beautiful. I just cried and cried. I can't bear the thought that her life will be hard, that she'll never speak properly and that people won't understand her, that she won't be happy, that she'll know she's different. What if people leave her out like they do now because they assume she can't do stuff, or is just not like them? What if no-one other than her family ever really, really love her? I want to freeze time, keep her like she is now, protect her. The future is so bloody scary. I know this is my pregnancy hormones making me feel so emotional and taking my thoughts into the future, somewhere I never go, and this is why.
Sorry, nothing you can say, just started crying while I was on here so let it all out rather than coming off line.
I'm okay now, well, you know, I'll go and get that other piece of chocolate cheesecake out the fridge.