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Original poster

I cried my eyes out when i put her to bed tonight.

150 replies

Thomcat · 01/09/2005 21:31

She was asleep. I had read her a story and laid next to her, she asked for 'more tic tic' which means I have to stroke her tummy and she fell asleep, all messy hair and little soft round face. One arm on her nappy, the other above her head. So perfect, so beautiful. I just cried and cried. I can't bear the thought that her life will be hard, that she'll never speak properly and that people won't understand her, that she won't be happy, that she'll know she's different. What if people leave her out like they do now because they assume she can't do stuff, or is just not like them? What if no-one other than her family ever really, really love her? I want to freeze time, keep her like she is now, protect her. The future is so bloody scary. I know this is my pregnancy hormones making me feel so emotional and taking my thoughts into the future, somewhere I never go, and this is why.

Sorry, nothing you can say, just started crying while I was on here so let it all out rather than coming off line.

I'm okay now, well, you know, I'll go and get that other piece of chocolate cheesecake out the fridge.

OP posts:
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Angeliz · 01/09/2005 23:19

Just saw this.
It really made me sad and glad to see you were feeling better by the end of it Thomcat

Lottie is a lucky little girl to have a mam like you.+

Aero · 01/09/2005 23:19

I couldn't not post here either - from anything I've read on here regarding you and Lottie I can't believe you are anything other than a lovely mum to a gorgeous little girl who fills you with joy. She is perfect and she is beautiful. Now from what this lot are saying, you may need some sleep, so rest well TC so you can enjoy your precious little girl again tomorrow.

Just one more thing - that Cod is no fish - she's a pussy cat! Definite proof on this thread. A hug from the fishy one - never thought I'd see it, but there you go. Bless you Coddy.

misdee · 01/09/2005 23:20

well said PPH.

everyone worries about their child, tho some as not as much as mums of SN children. but we all need support from others at times. thomcat shouldnt need to just post on the SN section, as she is a parent as much as any of us, a parent of a lovely little girl, who i cant wait to meet.

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kama · 01/09/2005 23:21

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Fio2 · 01/09/2005 23:24

davros didnt mean that, she meant it is normal to face up to things because these things and emotions do happen and it is normal to feel like that. from how i read it anyway

princesspeahead · 01/09/2005 23:28

OK Fio. I just think that sometimes one doesn't want to face up to things, one just wants to have a big cry and have someone say everything is going to be OK. And that is fine too. Anyway this is such a nice thread lets leave it at that?
I must say I'VE just watched sex and the city (brilliant episode where Big and Aidan have a fight in the mud) and am ready for bed too!

misdee · 01/09/2005 23:29

well i may have read it wrong as well then

thomcat knows she can get support from all over the boards

Milge · 01/09/2005 23:33

maybe TC didn't want to feel she could admit to feeling low on the SN board, maybe she needed the support of NT mums, whatever her reasons, i hope she feels happier in the morning.

FeelingOld · 01/09/2005 23:42

I have a cousin and a neighbour with downs who are 12 and 15 and at the hairdressers I go to there is a girl there with downs who makes the coffee/tea for clients, takes your coat, runs little errands for the staff and the one thing they all have in common is that they are all so happy and always have a smile for you. The other thing they have in common is very positive parents. My cousin is difficult to understand sometimes but it you take the time to listen and watch her she can make you understand what she is trying to tell you and she is to full of life and my kids adore her and don't really view her as different, she's just Emma.
With a mum like you, how can your little girl not have a happy and positive life.

clary · 01/09/2005 23:48

TC I posted on another thread of yrs (a bit late so I think you missed it) asking how lottie was doing....
Just wanted to echo those who post here saying what a great mum you are and how I'm sure she'll do so so well with you there to help.
My sister's dd has DS and she's nearly 6; 2 years ago her speech was not great at all but she has come on so much - has had grommets and has been at school for a year and now says big long very clear sentences (especially if it's re sthg important like chocolate cake or Barbie lol).
What I mean is Lottie has amazed you so much already and I'm sure will continue to amaze you. Lots and lots of people will love her - already do love her through MN.
(and well done for getting a hug of Coddy btw!)

Original poster
Thomcat · 02/09/2005 08:54

Morning girls. Still feel a liitle ....glum this morning, but I'm fine really.

Re not going on SN thread to post, I didn't go there because I don't want to pigeon hole my feelings as this is SN, this isn't. I didn't think of it as a SN thing really anyway, it was just me, a parent, feeling scared and worried about the future. It doesn't take a SN parent to understand that. As far as I'm concerned I was 'being honest' with people who understand .

Also I have no problem with admitting that it's tough sometimes, and I know 'it's not going to go away', and I'm not 'avoiding it' either I just don't like to dwell and I can't help but normally always find the positive and end up thinking, 'oh it's not that bad, there's always someone worse off than me, and it'll all be okay in the end.' I was bought up hearing that from my nan and my mum and I believe it, I live by it. That's what it comes down to really, more than me being disloyal. Yeah it is hard for me sometimes to go from being a naturally 'up' person to letting the sadness in, but it's not that I feel disloyal, just that it's not me really, that's all. I don't avoid SN or the people on it Davros and I have found huge support from that section of Mumsnet and mothers whose children have SN. But I've also found huge support from mums whose kids haven't. Somethings like DLA and statementing and other things belong in Sn, some I just want to talk about as a parent like anyone else, like last night. Anyway I found some great support from lots of great people last night, and the Cod and Hub2dee sent to bed with a smile on my face so..... that's all that really matters, not where I posted aye.

TC x.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thomcat · 02/09/2005 08:56

oh and Misdee, yes, yes, yes. I posted on a thread you started about meeting in Hillingdon but I don't think you went back to it again. I'd really like that.

PS - I'm still having 1 cup of caffenine laced coffee a day, so there!

OP posts:
beetroot · 02/09/2005 08:56

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hub2dee · 02/09/2005 09:05

Don't go telling dw I send girls to bed with a smile on their face, TC, you'll get me banned.

Have a tolerable day at work.

ninah · 02/09/2005 09:09

totally agree with sophable and pph.
Who knows what the future holds for any of us. You are a lovely mum and Lottie is an adorable little girl. I don't think this stage of pregnancy is easy on the emotions.

katierocket · 02/09/2005 09:09

Just seen this TC, oh I wish I knew what to say. Lottie is lucky to have such a lovely mum. Heh, a 'grudging hug' from the Cod, cripes, what is the world coming too.

Original poster
Thomcat · 02/09/2005 09:14

I don't feel like a good mum, i feel like a tired one who isn't firing on all cylinders and know I could be doing better, just... don't have the energy.

No work for me today though.
Off for a hair cut a speech and language appt which is well timed after last nights blub, and then D and I are going to the theatre to see the Story of Jo Meek, who was my uncles manager.
So only smiles today.

OP posts:
ninah · 02/09/2005 09:17

'good' and 'tired' are not mutually exclusive tc! at least I bloody hope not
Hope you have a better day today x

ninah · 02/09/2005 09:17

'good' and 'tired' are not mutually exclusive tc! at least I bloody hope not
Hope you have a better day today x

ninah · 02/09/2005 09:17

oops
just proving my point there

Twiglett · 02/09/2005 09:21

Well hello.o.o pregnancy hormones

Oh TC its so hard being pregnant and already a parent. What you are feeling is totally naturally and probably instigated hormonally.

You need to give yourself a break lovey, you need to rest and de-stress.

I've seen you posting about work being a pain too.

You are fabulous, you are fabulously pregnant and Lottie is fabulous (I am sure DP is fabulous too but don't really get much of a feeling of him from your postings)

It will all be ok

Twiglett · 02/09/2005 09:21

Well hello.o.o pregnancy hormones

Oh TC its so hard being pregnant and already a parent. What you are feeling is totally naturally and probably instigated hormonally.

You need to give yourself a break lovey, you need to rest and de-stress.

I've seen you posting about work being a pain too.

You are fabulous, you are fabulously pregnant and Lottie is fabulous (I am sure DP is fabulous too but don't really get much of a feeling of him from your postings)

It will all be ok

beetroot · 02/09/2005 09:22

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Enid · 02/09/2005 09:29

you and lottie always seem to have an inspirational, fun and deeply loving relationship to me. I can't believe she could ever have had a better start in life x E

Springchicken · 02/09/2005 09:31

Only just seen this TC and you nearly made me cry, my DD doesn't have special needs but i often sit and watch her sleeping in her cot, same position as Lottie with 1 arm over her head and the other over her nappy. Brings a tear to me eye.

You are a fantastic mother, you cope amazingly and you deserve the right to feel down or sad once in a while, I think you deserve an 'Excellent Mummy' Award. Lottie is a beautiful, gorgeous, wonderful, amazing little girl. Give her a huge hug from me x
Have a wonderful day today and smile all day long