It was late; my stockings had laddered and I was feeling horny

[Baba]

It was late; my stockings had laddered and I was feeling horny;

On whipping off the hard hat and ear defenders and releasing the industrial strength chest harness it was revealed to be Jordan on yet another publicity stunt shouting "have a look at these fun bags"

Meantime a dear little old lady in a cloak appeared out of the woods with a basket of shining apples.
"Have one of my apples, deary."

As she bit into the apple, the sweet juices ran down her peachy skin

gently depilating her beard

Well in fact it turned out to be not HER beard but the beard of a yawning man of stunted stature, carrying an axe and whistling a merry tune...

'My, what a chopper' she said

But he was furious over the loss of his beard, and wouldn't give it to her.

however, he did give her the german sausage he had hidden in his trewsers

...and give it her.....

...and give it her.....

Oh stefan, I'm so full up I can't take any more!

ah ah ah and the French are meant to be sex-obsessed!!! respect to you all! (first time I say 'respect', won't do that again)

Just then she noticed a little cake with the words "EAT ME" written in pink icing

But seeming as she was still full from the vast amounts of sausage she had just gobbled up she smeared the cake all over her body

And said for 50p I'll show you my baps and for a pound you can see me buns.

and what fine buns they were

the whipped cream and cherries set them off a treat

Unfortunately the milk leaking out was spoiling the effect, so she ...

made a cup of tea

And went down for some more sausage but to her surprise he only had a chippolata left.

but even a chipolata can satisfy you if you're desperate!

And, feeling desperate, she resurrected the thread by saying...

Holy F*ck I could murder a chipolata!

She scoured her desk for the afor mentioned small sausage.... couldn't find one, so had to make do with a.....

Most of the time, M2T, you sound as if you could murder anything! (friendly joke!)

...warm, luscious king-size mars bar. She gasped in pleasure, and peeled back the wrapper....