It was late; my stockings had laddered and I was feeling horny

[Baba]

It was late; my stockings had laddered and I was feeling horny;

My mother told me never to talk with my mouth full.

because that causes dribbling

and it will mess up my nice clean sheets

gulp...That beats catching it in my hair for a change.Now what about me?

I always fancy a ciggi after I have finished an ice cream cone.Thanks love now I had better go and get the tea started.

By the way I can use your stretch marks as a road map outa here

have i told you you`re the sexiest chick in town?with those saggy boobs,stretch marks,cellulite,pot belly,greasy hair....come back to bed,dinner can wait...

but the toilet cant wait, hey love where's todays paper, see you in an hour

ooooh honey it sounds awful,i hope it wasn`t my cooking......

baroosh(toilet flushing) It might have to do with that bacon sarnie earlier on." Hey love pass us the Immodium and the pile cream"

Oh my sex God, you say the most wonderful things. You know that the mention of pile cream does it for me every time

i know it turns you on to apply the cream.....rub my piles,rub my piles,oh,yes,yes......

Hey lover do you think that piles cream could work on my saggy boobs?

I love your saggy boobs, better than the pert firm ones of any 20 year old. Its soooo sexy how they swing in the moonlight and look they are that low they nearly cover your stretch marks!

I had no idea you found saggy boobies and a pot belly so sexy.I will have to increase my intake of cream cakes to look even better.The things i do for love.So next time I catch you looking in you wing mirror and at a childless ,pert 20 year old you are not thinking coorrrrr at all.You are really thinking she will get better with age.

I adore the way leaves of cabbage poke from your feeding bra ......

yes,cabbage leaves,not only they relief my swollen breasts but the smell reminds me of you, my sweet love

Oh please my darling, no more talk of leafy vegetables i fear I may have to ravish you.....

the pile cream will rid you of the bags under your eyes my dear

and the ones between my cheeks

yes, your piles are so big,i thought you were sitting on a bin bag until you stood up and realised it was your piles,but they`re part of you my love!

If you stop going on mumsnet until late into the night that would get rid of the bags under your eyes too

and stop calling me dp !! will ya?

Oh, is that a proposal, my blacksmith prince?

come into the bushes and I'll show you my prop if you show me your osal