It was late; my stockings had laddered and I was feeling horny

[Baba]

It was late; my stockings had laddered and I was feeling horny;

He came out of the bushes and went for a tramp in the woods but after a short chase the ba**d got away

after a few minutes a yell was heard, I went to investigate and found him b*llox down in a bear trap

i grabbed his severed organ and ran......

I screamed at the top of my voice "squeal little piggy mummas coming"

and ran and ran back through the garden. suddenly i came to a screeching halt - oooh there's the hunky new gardener

I asked him to look at my bush

Has this porn turned into a thriller?

"hmmm" he said "some insects i've never seen before - I must have a closer look"

Oh my lovely said the gardener.Would you like me to trim you bush and then dig my tool deep deep into your hole and plant some seeds.

Oh yes she replied and whipped off her granny pants

oh that's it you must keep it moist

she looked down and exclaimed "ooh my darling is that all you can offer,have you tried miracle grow??

"OH YES!" the chef shouted over the hedge "moisture helps with the rising process"

Well chef she sceamed back in excitment "just you get over here as quick as you can and slap me with your whisk"

As she was being slapped all she could think about was the odd job man.Now she was a very greedy girl.Could she possibly have them all at once."Trevor where are you"she moaned

He was being uncovered as the father of laura's illegitimate child on another thread

The blacksmith came leaping over the hedge with his hot iron rod in his hand

minus his tackle

"It's too late I've turned it into a real rampent rabbit now go away2 she hissed

\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=9&threadid=9977\this my attempt at your method soupdragon

sorry wrong thread

Just at that moment she looked up and saw a tower which she had never noticed before. A blond vision was singing a sweet song - his long hair tumbled from the tower window right down to the ground...

oh great!she thought "now i have the blacksmiths willy and the singers wig"

eat your heart out pete burns

Hang on a minute she thought that is no sweet song when she listened closer he was singing"get your tits out for the lads la la la la la la"It was a builder in disguise.