It's all gone wrong.

[ThanksForSpoilingIt]

I was thinking only yesterday wht a great substitute Mumsnet was for the social aspects of work which I no longer have access to.

Here I could have a chat, offer advice on a range of things from parenting to shopping whilst detouring through War. I could have a "drink" with friends without getting hungover and without consuming and empty calories. I could learn about Downs, Aspergers and Autism. Watch people go through the rollercoaster of IVF and come out the otherside. I could rejoice in the successes of other people's children, commiserate and comfort when things weren't quite so rosy.

Not, it would seem, any longer. I was happy to disagree vehemently with other people on hot threads and back those same people up on others. I was happy to ignore threads that held no interest to me and those I found offensive without feeling the need to jump on the people who were enjoying them. It's not a cosy substitute for "real" friends, "real" chat and "real" gossip any more. It sems we can't have fun without having to think twice and then twice again about whether someone might find it offensive, if it might make them uneasy, if they might not enjoy it... I look after the wellbeing of two small people in my day to day life. I don't need to be worrying about whether I'm keeping everyone here happy as well.

I found loads of fluff in mine. Don't know if it's appropriate to be flippant here but it just came over me.

I agree with Missingmumsnet and others. Mumsnet has changed beyond all recognition. There is a particular group of posters that are tactless and thoughtless. Whatever they say I know that only their exclusive group will use the chat threads and lots of old posters won't be welcome there. I think its a great shame.

You can't always deal with life's problems by making stupid jokes, or by slagging off blokes or getting pissed or taking pills. Sometimes life needs a calm, balanced, thoughtful approach. Sometimes that is what people want from mumsnet. If that is what gets you through, you have as much right to demand it as anyone.

Ok so please show a chatty thread where someone wasn't made welcome.

All this missing mumsnet business is funny, because if you weren't still looking then you wouldn't have read it.

I personally would be happy to welcome anyone in to the chatty threads, try it out, change your name is you want to, all will be welcome (certainly in my eyes)

Why is change such a bad thing. Is it a huge issue of mumsnet has changed beyond all recognition. I enjoy it and it has certainly changed since I first joined.

I haven't found any poster to be tactless or thoughtless but you obviously have. I strongly disagree that there is an exclusive group on mumsnet. I don't feel I am part of any group and feel welcome on all threads. Is this not the case?

I agree you can't always deal with life's problems by making stupid jokes or by slagging off blokes or getting pissed or taking pills but who said they were using it exclusively for this. Who is stopping you from demanding (why is there a need to demand I might ask) a calm balanced and thoughtful approach.

I believe if you take a step back you will see that when people have commented on the changes in mumsnet posters have put forward their views in answer. That's the beauty of the site.

If you are so upset with the changes in the site is it not appropriate to create another site with much stricter guidelines about the chat to be had on the thread and who can actually post? I would find this extremely discriminating but then I wouldn't bother accessing the site once I understood the restricitions there were.

I am an 'oldie' and have relied on Mumsnet for so many things on a wide range of topics. However I have been saddened that many of the threads have been reduced to chat and trivia - and YES I DO put it down to "the gobby lot". It was funny for a while but it's a bit of a bore now.
I truly do not want to leave Mumsnet as I enjoy the genuine posts and the advice.
I just hope that the new chat thread can keep eveyone happy without driving most of us away. We are all entitled to our opinions and I would hate to repress the fun element - but there is a time and a place.

I think we're experiencing immigration stress. The old established community has recently experienced an influx of new people who, in addition to wanting to join the activities of the community, want to introduce a new culture. There are two opposite stances:

(immigrants) we have a right to express ourself in our own way - don't join in if you don't like it.
(resident population) - why join our community only to change it - why not go to join a more similar culture - we liked things just the way they were.

To live in harmony both sides must compromise - please ask youself how much compromising you, and the other's on your side of the argument have done..... So far it seams to me that the immegrants feel ofrunted that they should be asked to compromise, and the resident community are leaving.... perhaps they'll set up a new mumsnet should this one become unrecognisable.

Mumsnet has changed.I've been a lurker and sporadic poster since it started.Many of the threads are irrelevant to me as my children are into teenage now but I still read many of them.
I have cried with many of you and rejoiced with many of you.I've always loved this place but it has changed.

Now I'm going to mention something thats been on my mind for a while. I hope that as many of the new posters as possible have paid some subscription?

Alsomissingmumsnet, how dare you assume that the people who choose to post on the chat threads 'are tactless and thoughtless' (your words) and that the only thing we are here for is to 'make stupid jokes, or by slagging off blokes or getting pissed or taking pills. '

I agree with you that 'Sometimes life needs a calm, balanced, thoughtful approach.' and I think that you will find that a lot of the 'banal' posters have offered this in other more serious threads.

Please don't assume that just because we wish to use mumsnet as light relief from our stressful and hectic home lives as well as a more solid form of advice/support that we are somehow less concerned about others. The fact is that I, and many others, find support in the escapism that the new chat element brings. It is just a different form of support to that in the more serious threads.

I am repeating the thoughts of many here but I really don't understand why this new chat element is a problem. Nobody should be actively excluded from any area of mumsnet. The original threads still exist and are still very much valid and alive, please do continue to use them, but please don't condemn those that also wish to chat.

And Scummymummy posts another classic!

As for me, all I can manage is a 'groan'.

I think the phrase "mountains and molehills" probably comes into play right about now.

Also, is it just me, or is anyone else feeling uncomfortable that people are changing their names (which lets face it were pseudonyms in the first place) to post their condemnation of the chat threads? I mean, if you're really gone or going, what does it matter if you use your old name?! It's just bizarre.

If someone whose name I recognised posted valid reasons then I might take it more seriously than all this cloak and dagger stuff. As it is I just find myself wondering if it's just one person logging in under lots of different names just to make it seem like they're getting lots of support.

Bobbins hon, scummymummy didn't post on here !!!

sorry, my last groaning post was meant to be posted on the equally worrying 'run ';em out of town' thread.

Well as an "oldie" on here, I can add that I TOTALLY agree with what Poppyloppy has said, this is disgraceful behaviour by a select few on a site that has many many times brought my mood back up again, when I have felt very very low, as I suffer from Depression at certain times of the year.

Please please stop this, I cannot stand this back biting and bloody bitching. I will not stop posting or coming into this site, for goodness sake I once had a right flare up with Lil, and we got over it.

I know it is not easy to stop the fingers typing exactly what you DON'T want them to type, but please for the sake of some on this site, try not to be so dammned dogmatic and downright bloody rude.

Tigger

xxx

If it weren't for you I wouldn't know a red tractor from a blue parrot!

I think some posters are changing their names because they fear being 'got at'. The way I see it you used to 'know' people on here, how many kids they had, what problems they had, everyone had a history and that made it all a nice community. The chatty threads were used by all to relieve a bit of tension. I know nothing about the new posters apart from the fact that they all seem very opinionated and seem to be prolific posters.
I need Mumsnet, I need the support and advice and I like giving support and advice too. But I will be gone temporarily until either I calm down a bit, or Mumsnet does. I can't speak for Custardo I'm afraid.

I know there are a lot of calls to end this thread, but I can't resist a bit more analysis. There seem to be some important questions here:

1. Mumsnet's place in the wider world. What is the site for? Older members (and after 16 months I suspect I fall into that category) come to mumsnet for support where they have genuine, practical problems that stress them. They have always got both emotional support and practical advice. I will always be grateful to Mumsnet for that.

There's a newer trend to use the site as a chattier forum, which I'm sure provides support and stress relief for many, many mums. The only point I would make is that they could also get that from a number of other parenting chat rooms. It is also sad when the thread of someone posting for advice gets submerged by social comments.

2. Mumsnet's continued survival. This is linked to the first point. Mumsnet, as we all know, has cashflow issues. As I understand it, the basic proposition is that it is a unique site that allows parents to get together and share advice about basic parenting issues. I think there is room for humour, plain talking (I for one would really miss Custardo's contributions, I think she's a star) and debate in these, but if it migrates towards a chat site it loses the thing that makes it unique.

Actually, in making it a different commercial proposition it may become more viable (how do other chat rooms make money?) but we would lose something unique.

Right now, I think the balance is still about right. I've always treated the 'other subjects' section as the chatty section of the site and pick those threads I read pretty carefully (I can't spend as much time here as I would like). Partially this is because I'm not very quick on the draw so don't think I have much to add to the 'funnier/chattier' threads.

I'm not sure what a chat section would add apart from making some newer members feel a bit 'ghettoised' and making the site more unwieldy.

At the end of the day, this is a website with a very large membership. The brutal truth is that if we met some other mumsnetters down the pub there is no guarantee we would like them much. But considering the number of posts there are here each day, and the number of disagreements about some very emotive issues, I think we do pretty well to keep the peace as effectively as we do.

If it isn't good enough for some people and they feel they have to leave, it's sad, and I wish they'd reconsider, but it won't cause Mumsnet to grind to a halt.

Long contribution. Sorry

zzzzzzzzzzzargument?

New topic?

Is this one of those conturo verse eeeal threads?

Bollocks

Actually, I think Bobbins has summed it up rather nicely. Well said Bobbins!

BOLLOCKS INDEED

just reiterating that am not leaving am not against chat ( whereever it may be situated) and new people are a welcome in my books. i take people for who they are. as IRL some people you like and some people you dont.

yes M2T saw your dream about me and yes you got my dimensions right.

saw your apology- accepted
shame there was a "but custardo picked on me before" bit after

if i hurt you as much as a group of mumsnetters hurt me then i apologise to M2T too.

there are those still taking the piss in the chat threads which i find sad - its sad that some would mock anothers feelings. so would just like to remind you that you may have moved but people can still peep through the windows - and pseudonyms are only net curtains to see through you have not real ones to close - in other words people may not post but they do read. i usually dont but for obvious reasons have been on an opinion gathering excersise.

finally, with me its see or read what you get - no surprises, no between the line, no pseudo threads.

i am ashamed you all made me feel the way i did, the embarrassment pounded by the piss takes to get a quick laugh.

and although those who changed their name did it to support me without getting the shit, this upsetts me too, it upsets me that people havent got the conviction to stand up, it upsets me that people dont want to be bullied, piss took out of them, snidey comments etc.

and am not posting uner another name either i get the shit under my own name as you notice.

thanks for all those who mailed me messages of support.

again am not leaving, i never said i would.but am mightily pissed off , hurt,angry, ashamed, sad.. very very sad.

but will be around occasionally

message withdrawn

Custy - so glad you are back on, wouldn't be the same without you xxx

can I tell you what I did last night? I took a peep on mumsnet around 7 0'clock ( I can't log on at work since I have just started a new job) I read this thread and a chat thread. I had grand plans of posting on both. But I couldn't think what to say. I spent 10 minutes humming and haa-ing then I thought, what am I doing with my time? I turned the computer off and had a lovely evening with my two sons.

Good on you Tigermoth ! The voice of reason speaks

I'm quite new to all this, but I have been reading this thread and feel quite worried! Is everyone going to leave the site, no more chats, no more discussions! Typical just as I find a great site!!

I thought it was great to see that everyone seem to be getting so well, you all seemed to know each other and helping with problems. Don't stop now, it seems a shame that a few can spoil it for everyone else!!

Mind you I didn't know about the soap thread, I must investigate and see what else I'm missing.

Keep up the good work everyone.