It's all gone wrong.

[ThanksForSpoilingIt]

I was thinking only yesterday wht a great substitute Mumsnet was for the social aspects of work which I no longer have access to.

Here I could have a chat, offer advice on a range of things from parenting to shopping whilst detouring through War. I could have a "drink" with friends without getting hungover and without consuming and empty calories. I could learn about Downs, Aspergers and Autism. Watch people go through the rollercoaster of IVF and come out the otherside. I could rejoice in the successes of other people's children, commiserate and comfort when things weren't quite so rosy.

Not, it would seem, any longer. I was happy to disagree vehemently with other people on hot threads and back those same people up on others. I was happy to ignore threads that held no interest to me and those I found offensive without feeling the need to jump on the people who were enjoying them. It's not a cosy substitute for "real" friends, "real" chat and "real" gossip any more. It sems we can't have fun without having to think twice and then twice again about whether someone might find it offensive, if it might make them uneasy, if they might not enjoy it... I look after the wellbeing of two small people in my day to day life. I don't need to be worrying about whether I'm keeping everyone here happy as well.

For God's sake Rhubarb, stop posting and pop round and give her a hug and a drink, will you? Call a cab!

Come on, surely we're all old enough to just get on with things and stop squabbling like children ? Everyone is going on about Mumsnet being ruined by arguments/bitching/chat whatever but can't you see that we all just perpetuating this with threads like these ? If we are all so upset by each other then why are still wasting our time slinging the same old mud and raking over old ground ?

Please lets use mumsnet as a haven and not a battleground

Should have read 'we are all perpetuating...'

aloha, it's 300 miles, that's BIG cabfare!

OK then, plane

hey custy, don't pull out now, we are relying on you for our brighton outing on 27th july!

Have just ploughed through some of this and now I see why my attempt to join in the pub thread was met with total silence. Is it somewhere else now or just gone? I dont post often enough to really understand all the comments or refernces but this just seems like a really good site and long may it continue

This thread has highlighted again the importance of good communication - a hard thing to do via the internet. It is so sad that there are so many upset people here. I have had a huge upset in my personal/professional life and the support I got from mumsnet helped immensley. I can understand how upsetting it would feel if I felt I was personally attacked. I do not think anyone means to be hurtful and it is probably best if everyone takes a step back. I have had to do that to resolve my issues at work. I hope you can all come back to mumsnet very soon without feeling personally attacked. Hugs to everyone

Can I just say that this and the few other threads which allude to free speach have made me realise that I don't have to be nice all the time. I have pretty much tried to keep my posts inoffensive and at times have not posted on threads where I have a real opinion for fear of being disliked.

In a way these threads have liberated me as so many people have continued to say that they love a good debate and are happy to agree on one thread and then disagree vehemently on another. I love nothing more than a good debate and hearing about why people believe what they do but for some reason had this mental block that if someone disagreed with me that meant they didn't like me.

I'm taking all of the comments all of you have said on face value and when I now post a comment that might contradict what someone elses believes won't worry about whether they like me or not but just appreciate it for their view and probably quiz them until they give up out of boredom as to why they think that.

So in one way, thanks to all of you for being so expressive about your views and making me realise that I could be too.

I've never posted before, but Ive always wanted too. I felt put off my the mumsnet arms and breeze threads that seem to be for longterm posters only and i thought I might be a bit unwelcome. Then I saw this thread and noticed that when other members posted that they didn't like the threads I mentioned, they have ended up being driven off mumsnet. is that what happens when someone has an opinion on here? I really wanted to join in but Im a quiet person and didn't want to get the same treatment that some other members have got. i just thought i would post this so you know how all of this is putting off new members. I don't think I will post again as I will be too afraid of upsetting some members and getting insulted. making another member cry is really shameful.

Hi newcomer, I just wanted to say that I am new too and wanted to welcome you to mumsnet. You seem to have arrived at a very tense moment in mumsnet history but fear not, most people on here are sincere, honest and kind people. I hope you enjoy mumsnet

P.S. Please don't be afraid to join the pub threads, they really are just fun. A load of grown ups playing pretend for a while.

Hi Newcomer, I have only been posting on mumsnet for 3 months, I was made to feel very welcome right from the beginning. I have never as far as I am aware (am fairly thick-skinned though!) had a row with anyone else but I've had lots of fun. I contibute to the serious and the lighter threads and never have a problem. I agree the past few days have been very odd, everything has been blown out of proportion, but the introduction of the new Chat section seems to have pleased everyone.

I really don't think that people on these boards are cliquey, I think that is in the eye of the beholder if you see what I mean. I dip in and out of the "pub" type threads and everyone's very friendly as far as I can tell.

Now that there is a specific place to be silly and chill out I think this will all die down.

Oh and of course, welcome to mumsnet! You won't be a newcomer for long.

I'm glad newcomer posted before me as that is what I wanted to say too, but didn't dare! I had a look on the chat threads and a lot of people seem to be 'gloating' is that the right term? It's a form of bullying really, and now that they have got their own way they are all celebrating whilst other long-term members have gone for good. This isn't my real nickname by the way, but I am fairly new. However I don't want to be picked on either so I am leaving for a better discussion board.

I promised I wouldn't get caught up on any of these posts .. . I don't think Mumsnet is Cliquey - there is just a group of people who post more frequently - there is no reason why anyone else can't join in when they feel like it! I have been on mumsnet for about 18 months now and it is great when you have a problem or just want a chat... It is a shame that these arguments have started really over nothing - spoils the cyber atmosphere! I will shut up now or may be under attack

What's going on?

I want to say that I have been posting for a couple of months now. I probably started just before all the chatty threads started and even then I thought it slightly cliquey but that was because I hadn't joined in myself and realised at that stage.

I think if you are just lurking/surfing then you might feel there is already a group established but once you post, even just once, you should find that people respond openly and warmly to you and that the cliqueness (is that a word?) is not actually true.

Therefore, please continue to post.

I am the same as SamBom I go in and out of the chatty threads and only post if I'm in the mood to be light hearted and irreverant. No one minds whether I am there or not.

As you will see by this thread I also thought I had to be nice to everyone and not offend people when in fact they seem to want to hear people's opinions whether they differ from their own or not. I think the trick is to be prepared for someone to disagree with you and take it in the way it is meant which tends to be debate as opposed to aggression.

I really believe it all comes down to being a matter of actually posting and becoming a contributor as opposed to just lurking and you will find your own feet on the site. It isen't actually cliquey but it is easy to misinterpret something someone has said so my trick is to always keep in mind that I may infer something that was actually not there and to read and re-read a post.

I feel the same as hopscotch.I'm going elsewhere too as this seems to be degnerating into a chat forum + lots of regulars arent posting as a result.I'm not using my normal name either.

What a shame.

That's what I'm on about, the sarcastic remarks. I think Mumsnet is being taken over. Shame like you said.

I was NOT being sarcastic. Get a grip!!!

If you had read my post lower down you would realise that I wouldn't make a sarcastic comment on this thread.

Well - I've changed my name too for fear of harassment and recrimination. Isn't that sad ?

I used to love it in here, It's seen me through some tough times and I've had many laughs - but sadly it really truly has all changed. I suppose it's no-one's fault, people come and people go, some people make you feel warm and friendly online, others make you feel got at and up-set.

The "new generation" seem very in your face - very quick to slap others down, too quick to retort and pretty hot-headed. There's always a smart-alec remark being fired back in response to anyone else's view - I don't like it. One word that springs to mind I'm afraid is "gobby".

Gone are the days of well thought out advice and knowing that someone out there really cares. So sadly that's something else good come to an end. Hope all you new girls continue to enjoy your frivolity and trivia, I just hope the rest of us can find another supportive refuge somewhere.

Why are people using different names?, I mean if they are not going to continue posting then why not use there real name. I hope it is not to get their point across and still post under their normal name..

I personally do not want anyone to leave mumsnet, Since I have started posting I have noticed this every now and again. We all have a good barney then friends again. I do not have it in for any other mumsnetter, and would post advice on any of their threads if I thought I could help.

I think it is highly sensitive at the moment, and a lot of people (me included) are starting to see things that really arn't there.

Scaredy, I don't think that having a seperate 'chat forum' means that mumsnet is 'degenerating' it is merely evolving to meet the needs of ALL mumsnetters. Those who don't want to use the chat area don't have to, but they can still come to mumsnet and use the other message boards.

I am sorry to hear that you have chosen to take the chat forum so personally and wish you luck in finding a more suitable site for your needs.