Dining out etiquette - what do you think?

[applemac]

Whenever I go out to eat with a group of friends I find that the generally accepted thing to do is to split the bill evenly. I don't think this is quite fair because it means that if you have had, say a main course with only two drinks you end up having to pay extra for those who have had, say three courses and have drunk everyone under the table.

Is splitting the bill evenly always fair and I'm out of touch? Or do others like me feel to an extent that it is a bit unfair? over to mumsnet

We always split equally - partly because I would feel petty arguing otherwise and partly because it's easier.
I see what you mean about the non-drinkers and the bottle of wine drinkers, but me and dh have offered to pay more int he past to cover the alcohol we've drunk anyway.

I've been out on occasion where people have 'just paid for themselves' and I have ALWAYS ALWAYS had to throw in an extra 20-30 quid because SOMEHOW the total money comes WELL UNDER the total amount we have to pay!

Oh yes, hunker, I'll happily quibble over the bill/service charge with the restaurant just not with my friends

But if you can't afford to pay for others' expensive tastes, why should you feel awkward for only paying for what you've consumed?!

It may be petty to people who have pots of cash and enjoy quaffing ale by the gallon.

And I'm a hoot to have dinner with, btw. People should actually pay for my whole meal, plus drinks, every time I go out - they always have a whale of a time

Raeding all this through I realise that if I am out for a meal with someone who isn't drinking then I would pay more of the bill, and have done. But in a loose kind of way - like if it came to £20 each I'd put £25 and say "oh, you haven't been drinking, I'll put a bit more in." But I hate it when people get out their mobile phone calculators and start working it out to the last penny and piece of garlic bread.

I am always happy to split the bill. But if I am aware that I have been eating/drinking more or one friend is pregnant I will offer to pay more but an approximate more IYSWIM. Totally, totally accept morningpaper's point also.

I don't mind either way, and it does depend on who I'm out with. But it should be clear from the outset.

What I do think is rude is when someone is made to feel bad when they have gone out for a meal on a tight budget, deliberately chosen a cheap option to suit their pocket assuming the bill would be individualised; then at the end other people expect them to pay an equal share.

Morningpaper - that's one of the Great Mysteries Of Life, isn't it?

People forget service, cover charge, water, coffee, etc etc.

And if you have individual bills (the canadian experience) what happens about wine?

Yes Roisin I would try to avoid that I think.

applemac - think there's always a risk of splitting the bill, so best way not to feel aggrieved is to have as many courses as everyone else is having and keep up with the drinks - bad for a diet and/or very strict budget tho!

and it's not bad manners to want to pay for your own share if paying for other people's wine means that you won't be able to afford to go to toddler group/get the train to visit your mum that week!

This is EXACTLY the reason I hate getting into 'rounds' at bars. I don't mind offering to pay for a friends drink or whatever, but I hate 'rounds' of more than 3 or 4. Particulary if I am with DH, he doesn't really drink at all and we end up paying for so much more.

However in a restaurant situation it is hard. Last time I went out we kind of split the bill with the 'drinkers' paying x more than the non-drinkers. It worked well - or was I too pissed to remember???

Not read other posts but we usually just split the bill - it can be annoying because I'm not a big drinker and often lose out there as others down glasses of it and I'll have one coke, but I'm not going to split hairs about it, I just can't be bothered.

I split it evenly. To be honest, I find it petty and annoying when people quibble about small bits of bills.

Crunchie - dh and I are like that about rounds or 'pots' - we are not big drinkers and end up paying for everyone else to get p**sed!

then there are those who always seem to be last to get to the bar

we don't go out in big groups usually just with old friends and always split the bill as its usually right anyway. If we go out for a meal with the kids we usually end up paying anyway!

I'd split the bill equally. Even if I was driving and not drinking (pretty unlikely on a rare night out!) I'd pay an equal share.

do you?

And also don't go out with groups very often.

Come to think of it I don't go out with DH very often either.

I will be going out in May with a group of mums. I am pregnant, but don't mind subsidising those who are drinking. I'd probably mind more if I went out more IYSWIM.

gerrout!

i think it is acceptable to ask for alcoholic drinks to be put on a separate bill so that non-drinkers don't have to stump up. but even then you could have a situation where someone just had one glass and someone else had say six cocktails or something. if the restaurant can't provide individualised bills then someone will have a major headache itemising the bill - i have noticed the bill quibblers never volunteer for this chore! i'm in the just split it evenly group.

if you really want to just pay your share, best to agree it up front with everybody before ordering - i think it's rather naff to start quibbling when the bill arrives.

Despite the fact that I'm a 'split it evenly' girl - I wouldn't mind if a friend said they were a bit skint and would we mind doing the alcohol separately.

I wouldn't mind if everyone said 'let's pay for our own' - who cares? I can think of worse things to get riled about!

at first i thought this smacked a bit of the "who ordered the rice?" scenarios at university..but then i realised that when i go out with a group of girls regularly we do split it according to drinkers and non-drinkers. unless you have a starter and pud when no one else does...