Dining out etiquette - what do you think?

[applemac]

Whenever I go out to eat with a group of friends I find that the generally accepted thing to do is to split the bill evenly. I don't think this is quite fair because it means that if you have had, say a main course with only two drinks you end up having to pay extra for those who have had, say three courses and have drunk everyone under the table.

Is splitting the bill evenly always fair and I'm out of touch? Or do others like me feel to an extent that it is a bit unfair? over to mumsnet

I've been getting really annoyed recently (been very English and not said anything though) at so-called friends who when it is in their favour add up every item on the bill and pay their exact share and then when they have had more than everyone else go for the splitting the bill option. My dh tells me I should say something - instead I'm just avoiding lunching with these "friends".

This is one of my pet hates - mostly because it always causes us problems when we go out for dinner with friends.

I think the bill should be split evenly - it saves so much time and so many arguments!!!

If you can't afford to go out for a meal then don't go !!!!!!! It just makes the experience miserable for everyone else at the table!!!

I think going out for a meal is just as much about socializing with friends as it is about eating and drinking and quibbling over the bill is a big no no for me.

The people who have eaten/drunk less always seem to put in less than they actually spent leaving other to make up the extra which I think is equally unfair.

Grrrrr - this really really annoys me - Just Split the BILL!!!!!!!

Mind you, when I've been pregnant and eating out, I may only have a small glass of wine, but I ALWAYS had pudding

Well Sweetheart, I feel sorry for your friends - You'd rather that they didn't come out because their money troubles makes your life a little awkward????

I have had nights that I have saved for for weeks (friend's 30th birthdays etc) that I would not dream of missing, but that there is no way that I can afford to spend a lot on. Your reasoning means that I am not welcome at such an evening.

Oh to have no money worries....

I'm really surprised how many people report occasions when the bill didn't add up ... this has never happened to me. Now is it that my friends are better mathematicians, or more honest?!

Seriously though, is it not possible that those of you who are adamant "split it equally and don't make a fuss" supporters, dine with people who are reluctant to be seen to "make a fuss", and so just silently voice their disagreement by slipping in £10 less because they chose to have a cheap meal?

I would love the luxury of saying 'yes, lets split the bill evenly' but I simply cannot afford to do that. And so I don't see why I should pay for other people's booze etc if I didn't have any, or as much or whatever. Its nothing at all to do with being petty. I hate not having enough money and would love to earn more but I don't. And I like to have the odd meal out, but I have to watch what I spend. Simple as that.

it can be unfair but otherwise it can get overly complicated. usually fair to chuck in an extra tenner if you had loads to drink or a starter and desert or something.

i think generally it is the easiest way to do it and you just have to accept that what goes around comes around. and if it doesn't then are they really friends?

I would always either just pay my equal share (if that's the way it's going or I've the same as everyone else or had less) or pay more if I had more. My friends do the same so it usually works out about right. When everybody does this it works out fine with no awkward situations, the problems come when people either have much more and don't offer to pay more (not that I'd be that bothered though - just wouldn't go out with them again!) or when the people who've had less start calculating how much they owe. I always feel like saying I was going to pay more anyway so no need to make a scene!

I don't have much money but as aloha said would hate to think people were seething at the amount I ate/drank then paid!

Would also ask for one drink on a separate bill if I wasn't staying.

I would split evenly, it probably evens out over a few nighs out, anyway.

I go for split the bill for the food evenly, but if someone doesn't drink at all they should not have to pay for the alcohol.

Why don't you ask for separate food and drinks bills from the restaurant if it's so clear that some people haven't drunk anything? Then split the food between everyone, and the drinks between the drinkers. Mind you, I get a bit annoyed when non-drinkers have a moan if they've had loads of soft fizzy drinks, which in some places cost as much as a glass of wine!

I find works lunches really hard over this "split the bill" scenario, and always check what the plan is before i go.

We are on a very tight budget & I don't see why people expect others to subsidise their greed. I got caught out as a 20 year old newlywed at a works christmas dinner. We didn't have much money & i'd taken enough to cover dinner, pudding, an orange juice & the tip. My immediate boss (who was a real cow) had the dearest starter, main course & pudding on the menu, with wine, cocktails & finished with a liqueur coffee. She announced at the end that we would split the bill, and asked for something like £25 each (this was 20+ years ago). My meal came to £8. I quietly told my table that I could only afford £8 plus the tip, and they told her that we would all pay for our own. She was livid!!!!

Last month a few of us from work went out for lunch. We all had similar meals, pudding & coffee, so I was more than happy to split the bill equally. No-one was taking the p*$$.

I have found that those shouting loudest about splitting bills tend to be those who have deliberately had more than everyone else (IME)

(& yes I have refused invitations rather than suffer the embarrassment of not being able to afford to split)

I like the idea of being able to split the bill and often do when my best friend and I meet - but I used to have a friend in my circle who was notorious for his "tightwadness", we all stopped doing the splitting bill thing after the umpteenth birthday meal where he managed to pay for nothing and the others stumped up for him. On my birthday I paid his share because he was adamant he wasn't going to pay.

I don't mind coughing up extra if I know I had a lion's share of the night out but I cannot afford to carry everyone! Needless to say he and I had a few choice words and he thought I was being miserable/unreasonable until the others that have also paid for him in the past made their comments heard too. He hasn't done it since.

I have to admit that in my circle of friends we all try to establish an agreement before the meal, probably because we have all fallen victim to that "friend" at one time or another.

I would love the freedom of paying for everyone but it isn't possible, when I win the lottery I will be taking my mob in a minibus to the best restuarant and paying for the whole lot!

I suppose the whole thing depends on the company you keep.

I think that if you want to pay for exactly what you had and nothing else then the only logical thing to do is to ask for your own individual and seperate bill to be kept by the waiter. Then there can be no arguments.

In Germany when you ask for the bill, the waiter asks if you wish to pay separately or together and works it out for everyone.

I have also been caught out by wine-guzzling gits when I was on a tight budget, usually colleagues rather than friends and it has made me feel sour towards them and staff nights out ever since.

When I eat out with friends, we split more or less equally.

Split it every time , though we always let the non-drinkers & the pregnant pay a bit less if i'm out with the girls.

My mum came out on my hen do & insisted she have her own bill. The rest of us split it & she paid £3 less , i wondered if it was really worth the bother.....

I tend to split it evenly, even if I haven't been drinking. However I don't mind if non drinkers ask to pay less.

The worse case I ever saw was when a group of us were going out for an Xmas dinner. there was a set price menu and one bloke asked if his pregnant wife could pay less as she wouldn't be drink. Thought it was a bit 'off' in this case because the guy was more than capable of drinking up her 'share' as well as his own. But being reasonable people we said OK.

He then asked for a discount as she wasn't going to be able to finish all her food because she had pregnancy induced indigestion......and it was a flipping set price menu! What a flaming nerve!

Always split it, although if friends said up front that they were on a tight budget and wanted a cheap night out I would understand.
Been there, done that....

Splitting is easier. If it is a drink guzzling night, then best to split the meal and then the drinks seperately IYSWIM. So everyone pays equally for the meal and according to their drinks (i.e. incl soft drinks drinkers).

BUT, if there is someone who regularly takes the mick, it is best to always pay your own, the only way to get them!!Hate the napkin mathematicians, but I think it's plain rude to expect non drinkers/more simple eaters to subsidise your gluttony.