how do you split household bills... urgent advice needed

[connyflower]

going through a bit of a tough patch with dp at the moment about money, can you just let me know how you sort your money out! any ideas welcome! at the minute i think its unfair how we do it as hes always left with money at end of month for going out ... lads holidays even! and i dont have anything, in my opionion ...correct me if you think im wrong but i think when your living together in a reationship if one persons skint both are and vice versa if ive got extra cash i wouldnt see him staying in cos he had no cash! any advice welcome...please let e know how youz do it? im going to print this out to show dp

[Caligula]

I think money is so important, along with children and infidelity, it's one of the major reasons couples split. How you use it, what its function is in your life, what part it plays in your relationship, all these things are really good indicators of your values - and if you can't agree on how you treat money, then just like if you can't agree on how to bring up children, your relationship is pretty much doomed, imo.

Sorry, don't want to be a voice of doom, but the money question needs to be agreed, if couples are going to be harmonious - in many ways it doesn't really matter how you do it, as long as both of you are happy with it. If one or both of you aren't - well... it's too big an issue to disagree on imo.

[LipstickMum]

Hi Conny,

I'm a sahm and dp works full time, so our finances are obviously different because I don't contribute financially atm. If I was working, I would be on about 5 times less than him anyway.

Therefore, dp pays for everything. As for spending money we both get the same 'allowance' from his salary, so we are in the same boat finacially, neither has more nor less.

[LipstickMum]

Seems like we have the same 'pocket money' system as MariaLuisa and HoxtonChick Sorry, hadn't read all the posts, it's a good way to sort it if spending money is a problem.

[wild]

hear hear caligula

[slug]

All our money initially goes into my account (I'm the earner, dh a SAHD) A set amount to cover bills and a little bit more gets immediatly transferred into the joint account. What is left is split more or less in two. Dh's is referred to as his 'beer money'. I usually have a bit more as I have to pay for train fares and books for school, though in essnce it's usually about £50 per month difference, if that. Money gets shuffled between accounts as necessary. We also have joint savings and individual ISA's, though they are thought of as 'our' money.

When I'm getting money out of a cashpoint I usually give dh some of it along with the ritual joke about being a kept man

[marialuisa]

Hoxtonchick-i've just had a large payrise, DH was rubbing his hands with glee at the prospect of additional fun money...except in real terms I'm only bringing home an extra couple of hundred quid and our bills have gone up since we moved (council tax, travel etc.) so he's back where he started

[pabla]

When me and dh both worked, salaries were paid into our own separate accounts and then we transferred money into a joint account each month from which all the household bills were paid. When we earned different amounts, the one earning more put in more so that we each had the same amount of pocket money. However, we would always give each other money if necessary.

Now I'm a sahm, dh pays all the bills but he also has more "pocket money"than me now as I just have child benefit and occasionally put things on the joint credit card. However, most of the stuff he buys with his own money is for the whole family to use anyway. He doesn't really go out a lot.

I think you need to do what ever is best for your own circumstances though. I have a friend who is a gp and works part-time. I know she wouldn't have a joint account with her dh and very rarely gives him money if he is short, because he is addicted to gambling and alcohol and she doesn't want to encourage this even more. They divide up the bills between them, eg she pays for the food and he pays electricity, phone etc. That way he knows he is responsible for certain things, she knows those bills are taken care of and he has only so much money left to fritter away. I don't think she feels it is ideal - she went back to work earlier than she would have liked after having her babies.

[lunavix]

We have a joint bank account. My wages get paid into it, as does dp's, so all our bills are taken out of it.

We have a budget we try to stick to, which allows us £100 fun money a month (ARGH. That includes birthdays, christmases, going out, clothes EVERYTHING. I know some of you may be thinking we're lucky but we spend enough that it isn't very much!)
We also have £10 a week each for day to day money. For me this is admission to two baby groups, weightwatchers, a drink at the baby groups, and maybe a bus fare somewhere.
For dp this is for what he wants, usually a drink or two down the student union after Uni.

[connyflower]

anyone not joint? anyone pay halfs and it works... and i mean halfs at the till at the table in resturant, drink for drink in the pub? just curious is is it only my DP who thinks this is right!

[hoxtonchick]

how very equitable marialuisa!

[motherinferior]

We have several different systems including a joint account for bills, separate personal accounts and my work account. Quite often split bills in restaurants (well, not quite often, because we don't go out very often, but quite often as a percentage of the time we do get out IYSWIM). I have more disposable income than DP, I reckon, but that is also because I didn't spend several decades accumulating his massive debts.

It is all probably incredibly unfair, but on the other hand I think we earn about the same these days (at last, with DP's recent payrise) and we are just very different when it comes to money. I think part of our inequity is that we didn't get together till our mid 30s.

[wordsmith]

Conny, why don't you work out how much you would earn if all the work you did it the home was paid for (I'm guessing you are a SAHM, forgive me if I'm wrong) I think someone did this once and it worked out at around £40K with housekeeping, childcare, cooking, chuffeuring etc taken into account. The give him the bill.

That'll show hom just how much money you really "earn".

[motherinferior]

Yes, I agree with WS. It's different for us (and actually it does work, bar the odd flaming row about money).

[wordsmith]

Excuse typos...

I mean work in the home... and chauffeuring!

[psychomum5]

Ooh, I like the sound of working all that out just for the fun of it

Although to be fair... I do sod all round the house most of the time ... I play with our child, which was what I stopped work to do, not to be a house keeper

[psychomum5]

That was Flamesparrow, not Psychomum... she does do housework

[connyflower]

no not got babies yet! so both work full time!

[psychomum5]

How much is the average cleaner paid p/h and what are their duties?? Trying to do some adding up

[wild]

you don't need the same attitude to money to get on, but you do need a bit of overlap eg dp is a control freak with the odd purple passage I am a here today gone tomorrow spendthrift with a prudent core we both believe in self-sufficiency within the relationship
dp earns loads more than me and more £ does mean more options sadly, money never meant much to me until I had ds and it was too late! he pays for meals out, hols and stuff like that, all bills etc, he owns the house we live in and I have my own house I let out and my own car both of which I am responsible for
I was married before and exdh was always pressing for more communality (?) but I was scared to commit to it cos he was a big drinker and reckless even though he earned tons more than me

[connyflower]

sorry got to say, one thing he is fantastic at is he does his fair share of house work and cooking ect so got to give him a million brownie points for that !

[wild]

Yes if you both work and both do housework I don't see how this helps

[PsychoFlame]

I guess I have been really lucky. Pretty much since day one we have had joint finances (even if it did mean me helping to pay off Boy's previous debts), and he has never complained about having no say over his money, or asking how much he can spend if he goes out.

He trusts me to pay the bills, and to be fair with any left over money eg. I get a new top, he gets an xbox game etc. We have strict budgets for eachothers birthdays (and if anything he does better out of that because where I know how well we're off that month, I know if I can stretch the budget a bit to buy him something nicer)