how do you split household bills... urgent advice needed

[connyflower]

going through a bit of a tough patch with dp at the moment about money, can you just let me know how you sort your money out! any ideas welcome! at the minute i think its unfair how we do it as hes always left with money at end of month for going out ... lads holidays even! and i dont have anything, in my opionion ...correct me if you think im wrong but i think when your living together in a reationship if one persons skint both are and vice versa if ive got extra cash i wouldnt see him staying in cos he had no cash! any advice welcome...please let e know how youz do it? im going to print this out to show dp

Do you? Fair enough. But then it's like being 'housemates' rather than a couple, to me. Dividing things up like that reminds me of being at university and sharing a house and what a bloody headache it was. When you get married isn't it 'what's mine is yours' and vice versa - I don't see how you can split everything but I obviously it works for some (but obviously not for others!). I just can't imagine asking dh for money or saying 'you owe me £x for last weeks shopping' - it's just too wierd.

Each to their own though

perhaps you might say each to their own before posting that other people are odd.

Iota - Connyflowers original one.

Thinking about it, I suppose you could say dh pays for more things than I do because he earns a lot more than me (obviously, since I'm a SAHM and freelancer and he's working FT!) but it's just divided up like that because both our money goes into the one account and everything that needs paying for comes out of it - so, yes, 'dhs money' if you like pays for more things than mine but we just don't think of it like that.

Once upon a time I out-earned dh but we still just shared it equally.

Agree that this method only works if you are both on the same wavelength and committed to managing the account in the same way.

I ahve a lot of savings in my name for tax reasons - I'm SAHM, dh is a higher rate taxpayer - it makes economic sense and is often recommended by financial experts.

But the point is I don't ask dp for money (or vice versa) and we don't say 'you owe me of half the shopping' that would be plain stupid. We have split our bills this way becuase we earn disproportionally different amounts so some DDs are on my account, some are on his. The rest is whoever has the money at the time...

BK - I didn't say anyone was odd, I said I thought the method was odd.

Calm down.

The money DH and I earn is a household income. If we have money at the end of the month then that is our money. Everything goes into and comes out of my account and I am the mainbreadwinner at the moment. DH's earnings would just cover half the bills so if we worked it out like flatmates he's have nowt! I find it strange when finances are kept so separate. As a family we have a family income. Not 'my money' 'his money'.

I think gg was just saying it's odd in her opinion
not all couples are married either

yeah .. or the method was odd lol

I think like you gdk - and don't really see it makes any difference who is working. We now operate in exactly the same way as we did when I was working full time prior to kids. Just there is less money to go further but that is a common problem. Its not just salaries that go into the joint a/c but tax credits and child benefit.

Same here Bozza.

hey please dont argue... ive got to save that for dp later

i think the whole you owe me this you owe me this is completley off the map i just need dp to see that too!

havent got kids so thats easy!
i often feel like the lodger drives me crazy!

GDGK was commenting on Connyflower's original post - and I think we probably all agree that it doesn't seem very fair that her partner has loads of money and she is broke.

how we all arrive at our own way of sorting out our money depends on our individual circumstances - joint accounts can cause a alot of problems if one partner is a spender and one is a saver.

Yes it really is up to the individual what they feel happy with
Personally I'd rather be financially independent of a dh/dp and run my own affairs, but I accept not everyone thinks that way

Another alternative would be paying everything into a joint a/c and then paying each of you a set amount out into your own personal a/c to do with as you will. Obviously an equal amount....

all our money goes into one joint acct. All expenses come out of it. He earns 2x what I do. It is all 'our' money. We give ourselves a weekly allowance (equal amt) for spending on coffees, mags, etc and tell each other when we are making other frivolous purchases like dvds, books, clothes - sometimes before, sometimes after the fact.

He wants a lad's holiday to Dublin to watch rugby. My position is that if that is what he wants then he has to save for it out of his weekly allowance. It has to be paid for - including spending money he takes before he gets there.

Family hols come out of the main budget.

all our money goes into one joint acct. All expenses come out of it. He earns 2x what I do. It is all 'our' money. We give ourselves a weekly allowance (equal amt) for spending on coffees, mags, etc and tell each other when we are making other frivolous purchases like dvds, books, clothes - sometimes before, sometimes after the fact.

He wants a lad's holiday to Dublin to watch rugby. My position is that if that is what he wants then he has to save for it out of his weekly allowance. It has to be paid for - including spending money he takes before he gets there.

Family hols come out of the main budget.

we have seperate accounts but our finances are joint iyswim if I'm skint so is he and vice versa he would never dream of a holiday without ds and me we'd kill him

how id like it is
my wages + his wages in 1 account to pay bills shopping nights out ect!
then so much 'pocket money' each in our own accounts,
any overtime or bonuses ect all in 'our' account to use as needed.. does this seem fair?
ive been brought up where my mam and dad share everything, all cash is both there money! so i cant get my head round this not sharing stuff! its causing real problems for us right now!

how id like it is
my wages + his wages in 1 account to pay bills shopping nights out ect!
then so much 'pocket money' each in our own accounts,
any overtime or bonuses ect all in 'our' account to use as needed.. does this seem fair?
ive been brought up where my mam and dad share everything, all cash is both there money! so i cant get my head round this not sharing stuff! its causing real problems for us right now!

incognito1 - exactly.....if my account is empty, but his isn't we are not broke...

you need to discuss with dp
were his parents like yours, sharing? Mine were, but my dp definitely comes from a background where the man is the earner the woman the petitioner iyswim so he is uneasy with the idea also his father lost all his money and he had to take on a responsible role quite young, so he is petrified of rainy days!

no i think he parents each have there own money!

Conny

I have always assumed that in a partnership there shouldn't be 'my money' and 'your money' it is 'our money'.

We have always managed keeping our own seperate accounts, but dh transfers half his salary to me, and nearly all the household bills come out of my account (cos I owned the house before we married. All the utility bills were in my name, and we never got around to changing it). He does pay the mortgage interest, I pay everything else. I also try to put some away in savings each month.

But if either of us runs short of money, the other one just hands some over.

Your DP keeping his money to go out with when you are short of cash seems very selfish and pretty immature to me.

OK then it may be a bit alien/scary to him to do the whole leap in one go
I'd suggest smaller changes to begin with such as a set amount each going into a joint account for bills (not all salary)
This is a compromise but keeps way open for further change as he gets accustomed
Just don't think it's realistic that he will change habits of a lifetime overnight but it will prepare the way so that if/when you have children you will be less vulnerable financially
Do you each earn about the same amount atm?