Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

elderly parents............letting off steam

163 replies

almostanangel · 12/04/2005 13:07

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!ok thank you i feel better now.................my mum is 84 nd i love her soooooo much but she is so tiring..... i have brothers that are all older than me with no kids at home i have 3 children at home ,,,i am the only one that takes her out twice a week in her chair and some other days she comes over here,,,,,,,i am not moaning as i love her but i get so tired..today i just got home from taking her shopping.i asked her if she had enough money as i look after it ..i gave her 40 pounds in her kitchen ,,by the time i got home she phoned and couldnt find it ,, i cant write all i feel on here but i just wanted to screammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

OP posts:
Original poster
almostanangel · 13/04/2005 11:18

still no news yet..

OP posts:
ggglimpopo · 13/04/2005 11:27

Message withdrawn

Original poster
almostanangel · 13/04/2005 11:29

yes ,,brother said he would call me when he knows anything..so prob wait little bit longer...

OP posts:
yoyo · 13/04/2005 12:17

Almostanangel - I hope your mother will be okay.

Reading your posts made me think of my own mother who looks after her mother. She was the eldest of five and brought up her siblings so that her mother could work. She rarely attended school. she married at 19 and had me aged 20. She continued to look after her youngest sister at this time. When I went to University (almost 20 years ago) her mother had a mild stroke and her health has deteriorated since then to the extent that she now needs daily care. My mother does everything for her. Her siblings, despite living locally, do nothing. They turn up at Christmas with totally inappropriate presents full of fuss but when it comes to taking her shopping or out for the day...

My mother is a bitter woman. She has had a hard life and has survived by being almost emotionless. She finds it hard to be affectionate and to accept affection. People have always used her because she will always put others before herself.

You must get your siblings to accept their share of her care. It is YOUR life and, as they say, it isn't a rehearsal. Enjoy your holiday with your family and don't feel guilty.

I have seen what effect such responsibility can have and frequently listen to my mother in tears.

Original poster
almostanangel · 13/04/2005 12:38

yoyo[hugs]thank you ...update ..phoned hospital,,was put on to my bro...mum has excuse spelling,,...eschemia..not enough blood getting to heart ,,he will call me with any more imfo...she has had medication so not in pain now ,, re your mum being emotionless i am the oppisite cry at everything and always help everyone....your mum probebly has it all inside and will one dsy blow ..like i did to my bro this morning,,i apoligised by the way for screaming at him,,but said i had meant it all ,,,,he aspoligised for putting the phone down,,i didnt even know he had ! lol

OP posts:
swiperfox · 13/04/2005 12:41

Gald to see you're ok. Hope your Mum gets on the mend and out of there soon. She may well be told by the doctors that she has to have care now.

Original poster
almostanangel · 13/04/2005 12:49

halo..fox...what a day ! feel guilty about not being with her now ,,,,,sigh,,i will go up wehn dh gets home .did you get your post sprinkle ..lol

OP posts:
swiperfox · 13/04/2005 13:01

I did thank you - I'm just off to get nappies and stuff - and to give back the nappies i had to borrow Will look out for you when I get back if you aren't already gone.

xx

champs · 13/04/2005 13:08

so glad you're mum ok. and good on you for giving you bro what for!!

Original poster
almostanangel · 13/04/2005 13:13

oh champs not sure it made me feel better....but hay it felt like a volcano had erupted lol...i am very worried about mum she is 84.lost dad last fathers day .

OP posts:
Original poster
almostanangel · 13/04/2005 13:14

fox another feather in my wings ...still need loads more though ,,am a chubby angle lol

OP posts:
Original poster
almostanangel · 13/04/2005 13:15

ANGEL lol.....

OP posts:
babster · 13/04/2005 13:23

Hi almostanangel, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. It brings back memories as my mum used to look after my nan and went through similar frustrations. She got advice from the Carers Association - maybe they can be helpful to you too.

Original poster
almostanangel · 13/04/2005 13:24

thank you i will look ..

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 13/04/2005 13:31

Message withdrawn

Original poster
almostanangel · 13/04/2005 13:35

{{hugs}}back aimsmum xx

OP posts:
champs · 13/04/2005 13:42

hopefully this episode will help her to see she should get some help.

Original poster
almostanangel · 13/04/2005 13:44

she was brought up in the east end and was in her 20s during the war this woman is hard as nails and she wont exept help ,,accept from me ,,,,,

OP posts:
champs · 13/04/2005 14:00

hmmmmmm, think only way to go is to explain to her how much a toll this is having on you and your health (was suggested bellow, cant remember who by). Tell her everything. she sounds like she loves you to bits and will want best for you.

Original poster
almostanangel · 13/04/2005 15:08

no more news yet will go as soon as dh gets in ,,

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 13/04/2005 15:16

Message withdrawn

Original poster
almostanangel · 13/04/2005 15:19

the hopital is prob bout half hour ish away ..oh poor dh ..no curry left in freezer..lol i just want o see her to put my mind at rest ,,think one brother has got the message te he ,,i wish you knew me cos if you did you would be laughing out louud at me for screaming and swearing at him lol

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 13/04/2005 15:30

Message withdrawn

hub2dee · 13/04/2005 15:38

aaa: Angel, you're thinking about your brothers, you're thinking about your ma, you're thinking about your kids, and it sounds like you might need to think about yourself.

The ADs in the past obviously show difficult times, and from your text it sounds like the tension is starting to boil over (explosion to bro etc.)

I can imagine this is all terribly difficult, and from references to your pa would guess you've had a hard last year.

Sounded encouraging that you and your bro could make up in a quick, civil way... is there a chance that you could schedule a serious chat with him - to let yourself air your feelings and to begin to share the burden ?

Might it even be possible to schedule a meeting with the rest of the brothers too ? I would urge you to consider letting the Angel's veil down for a moment so they can see the true toll the burden of care is having for you... perhaps you can agree a new schedule of visits, or all chip in for paid help so that you are not looking after your mother all alone ?

swiperfox · 13/04/2005 15:48

sound advice hub2dee.

Swipe left for the next trending thread