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Original poster

elderly parents............letting off steam

163 replies

almostanangel · 12/04/2005 13:07

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!ok thank you i feel better now.................my mum is 84 nd i love her soooooo much but she is so tiring..... i have brothers that are all older than me with no kids at home i have 3 children at home ,,,i am the only one that takes her out twice a week in her chair and some other days she comes over here,,,,,,,i am not moaning as i love her but i get so tired..today i just got home from taking her shopping.i asked her if she had enough money as i look after it ..i gave her 40 pounds in her kitchen ,,by the time i got home she phoned and couldnt find it ,, i cant write all i feel on here but i just wanted to screammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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swiperfox · 12/04/2005 13:39

If you can, talk to your doctor about her. My mum did it for my nan and they got someone to assess her under the pretence that they were doing a routine medical or something.
Of course my Nan just spent the whole time telling them there was nothing wrong with her!

Original poster
almostanangel · 12/04/2005 13:40

have calmed down now and appreciate the freeedom of being able to scream on here ,,while all around me a re ablivious,,thank you

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Original poster
almostanangel · 12/04/2005 13:41

yep my mum woould do that too she says i can look after my self,,and the prob is unless she is likely to cause harm to herself no one can make accept help..

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swiperfox · 12/04/2005 13:45

Has she been worse since your dad died? What is she like talking about him? If the docs can get someone to assess her they may be able to talk her into getting someone to go round for a 'coffee and a chat' a few times a week and she might see that more positively than calling it home help

Original poster
almostanangel · 12/04/2005 13:55

no she was the same when dad was here he lost both his legs due to smoking and she said when he comes home she would look after him ,,sadly we didnt have that to deal with..she wouldnt belive me at the hospital that he had died i had to keep telling her.oh god it was so sad

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swiperfox · 12/04/2005 13:59

Blimey. That must have been awful. It must still be having a huge effect on her too i bet.
Does she want to stay in the house?

Original poster
almostanangel · 12/04/2005 14:01

yes there is no way she will leave that house,,,she doesnt talk about him if she does she just says poor old sod ,,and hes was younger than her ..

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Original poster
almostanangel · 12/04/2005 14:01

yes there is no way she will leave that house,,,she doesnt talk about him if she does she just says poor old sod ,,and hes was younger than her ..

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Original poster
almostanangel · 12/04/2005 14:05

am i the only person that even though they are a "GROWN UP" feels like they are still a little girl and really dont want all the responsibility????????? sorry bout spelling trying to tidy up and type at same time

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Original poster
almostanangel · 12/04/2005 14:07

fox ,,have emailed you ..

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Original poster
almostanangel · 12/04/2005 14:07

fox ,,have emailed you ..

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Pagan · 12/04/2005 14:07

Big hugs to you.

You must get your brothers sorted out. My Mum had to endure the same with her mother. Her two brothers had no idea that my Gran was incapable of looking after herself anymore and my Mum had it all to do, partly because my Gran always put on airs and graces in front of her two sons whilst saw my Mum as a personal servant. It was only when my cousin popped in to see her unannounced and reported back to my uncle, that she finally went into a nursing home.

If they think you are joking then sit down with them and tell them that you have given your all and need a bit of support.

Good luck

Original poster
almostanangel · 12/04/2005 14:14

Pagen i have tried this,,well one to one and they say they are too busy with work etc,,,i had a job but i was working full time then looking after mum and dad at the time and my own house and family,,,,,,,so i finally lost the plot and started having panic attacks etc ended up on ad s,,,,,,left the job i loved ..when dad died i was the only one that kept my cool at the hospital ..i thought i would fall apart ,,my brothers which of one is old enough to be my dad himself all fell apart and one wouldnt even hold his hand i took his hand and put it on dads then mine ontop im sure it was because i had told dad i lovec him all the time and had o regrets so i could just kiss him gently on the forhead and tell him to go to sleep ..i miss him every day ..but i know he didnt want to go home without his legs.........i am worried when my mum goes i will scream and shout at my bros if they dry becase it is so two faced ,,

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Original poster
almostanangel · 12/04/2005 14:14

sorry cry not dry .

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Original poster
almostanangel · 12/04/2005 18:47

bump...

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colditz · 12/04/2005 19:00

Oh my heart goes out to you, it really does. Have you told your mum that you want her to have home help because you can't cope anymore? She may realise how much hard work it is looking after her then. I know you don't want her to worry, but if you don't tell her that you can't cope, she will see no reason why she should have home help. At the moment she is protected from reality by you, so won't see how bad she is getting.

I work with the elderly, and I see this a lot. I agree with getting someone in to assess her for home help, this isn't fair on you at all

Original poster
almostanangel · 12/04/2005 19:05

colditz thank you hug i used to tell her when i was upset,,,she saw me have a panic attack once and said,,,,dont,,i will get upset,,i have never been able to cry in front of her as it would upset her !! she had me aged 47 and was ill for all my memories she used to pass out until she got a pace maker,,so i have always tried to keep her happy ,,oh dear

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champs · 13/04/2005 00:24

(((((((((hugs))))))))
please do get some help hun you need it also your family(dh and kiddies) need it. also if you keep going like this you may start to resent your mum and time spent looking after her. If she insists on no help you will have to be firm and tell her you need to do this for you as well as her.
I am glad you can scream on here as you are obv. holding it all in.
I know you was just frustrated when you said you wish she hadn't had you but am worried that if this goes on with you doing all the work you may statr to feel like this.
Your health i s very important. Get those bros of yours to get their selves in gear and do something it is not fair for them to leave it to you and while you continue to do it all, they will not help. tell them point blank that they have to help. that you have a family too.
deff go on this holiday and tell your bros they have to look after her while you're away. dont tell them that person is coming to look after mum so they have to come.

hope you feel better this eve.

Original poster
almostanangel · 13/04/2005 08:35

UPDATE!!!
quick note..................mum phoned this morning with chest pains,,i told her to phone bro ..who lives nearer than me to take her to drs..he told her to get an ambulance!! i phoned him..and said what did you say,,he said told her to get ambulance but she said no! i said yes because she doesnt want to go on her own ....oh well he said one of her neighbours is going to take her ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,well 36 years of anger came to the surface........verbel dirroeah!! i went mad i screamed and swore.........told him ont bother crying if she ever dies ..like you did with dad as you d..........shit phone call i have to call an ambulance ,,,,,,

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stitch · 13/04/2005 08:59

i think your mom is very lucky to have you.

swiperfox · 13/04/2005 09:20

aaa are you ok? Whats happening?

Original poster
almostanangel · 13/04/2005 10:19

hi update mum got 2 paramedics and an ambulance withen 2 minutes of me calling 999 ..brother went with her in ambulance waiting to hear from them ,,thank you all so much for your care ,,

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Original poster
almostanangel · 13/04/2005 10:20

just relised used 4 letter word below ,,sorry

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swiperfox · 13/04/2005 10:26

Glad you're ok. And glad your bro has got his act together and is doing his bit. Did the paramedics give any indication of what was wrong or are they just taking her in as a precaution?

Original poster
almostanangel · 13/04/2005 10:36

no idea yet...am doing ironing to stop panicing ..but now got upset tummy so iron/loo/pc
oh dear!! i will let you know when i know anything..........

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