Should we all be having our babies in our early 20s?

[Coldtits]

read here

What do you think?

Oooookay.

nobody thinks.

So we were supposed to have read and responded in less than 9 minutes??????

Caaaalm down.......

Off to read it now...

In nine minutes I fully expect a 30000 word dissertation on the subject ON MY DESK!!!!!!!

Ahem.

NOt sure on this one.

i got married at 22, which in hindsight was too young.(we are still married though!) I just think that early 20s, while biologically the best time time be pg/give birth etc, is still so immature in so many ways. And once you are a parent, you can't put it down for a few years cos you want to go off and see the world or whatever.

I am uncomfortable with people putting conception off till 40+, then struggling and insisting on IVF on the NHS though. You makes yer choices, yer takes yer chances, IMO.

I don't think there is one right way for all women to live their lives.

I would have been a horrible mother in my early twenties and I had no desire to be a parent at that time.

My mother (a feminist too) had her children in her early to mid twenties because that's what she and my Dad wanted to do.

do i have to read it? or can i just post my opinion

Bit late in my case. Sorry. You should have asked me earlier.

The small bit in that article about having babies made mw angry. SHE may be a career woman but I think it's absolutely wrong to suggest that women who don't start thinking about having kids until they are older MUST be doing it because of their career and that it MUST be the fact that they are building their career that which stops them.

I am one of those women who had (Have) 'JOBS' which I have loved and which I could quite easily go back to if I had children. I haven't wanted kids until recently (I am 39 next year) and have not been with someone who also wants kids until recently.

So basically I hate all that 'career' bollox that these cuccessful career journalists trot out, as if their life has any similarity to the hundreds of thousands of women who are just getting on with life in tehir bog standard jobs with their bog standard needs and wants, their bog standard relationships.

that's what I think!

i think so.

i wish i had.

i hope my daughters do.

Being young has suited me.

There's a fair bit of that I agree with. As someone who had her first at 34/35 and is due the second at 37/38, with the (compulsory?) scare in between that conception was not going to be a walk in the park.

But, a few random thoughts...

Seriously, how easy is it to forge a career in your 30's with school age children? Childcare and work is logistically easy at nursery age, harder as they get older, isn't it?

How many women are, realistically, forging careers anyway? Don't most people 'have a job' instead?

What about the blokes? You need one and lots of us haven't met a good one at that age.

I didn't meet dh until I was 27, and we didn't live closer than 150 miles apart until I was 31. I thank the stars that I never had children with the men/boys I was with before dh.

Sometimes - mostly? - it's chance, not conscious choice.

An argument, I guess.

I built my career in my 20s and was able to negotiate part-time working in my relatively well-paid job. I don't think I'd have had the same strong negotiating position in my 20s. This article implies that a woman must take responsibility for childcare and that we must not work while raising children.

That isn't my view.

Have babies when you are ready, physically, materially and mentally!

Okay, how about I deliver it in installments??

She's not really saying anything that hasn't been said before though, is she (although I did when I read about the shared diaphragm)? I think that from a biological perspective yes, early 20s is probably ideal for babies - you have loads of energy, don't need much sleep etc etc, however there is more to having babies than just breeding them isn't there? I had my babies in my 30s, due primarily to two factors: firstly, I didn't meet DH until my late 20s (and didn't have any urge to have children until after we'd been together quite a few years) and secondly, I was too selfish to, as I saw it then, "give up my life". So there.

I am off to wrestle the rest of this dissertation from the dog's jaws.......

Oh it's so annoying.

this bit gets me so angry

"The problem for young women is, as it always has been, an economic one - that just when they need to be pushing ahead with their careers and earning decent money is also when they need to be having babies. It worries me that so many young women now choose to defer the babies, thinking they can somehow magic them up by IVF when they are in their forties. Often they can't, so they have no children to console them when their much-vaunted careers end in redundancy. In an ideal society, I believe, couples would have children young, preferably in their early twenties, when they're energetic and flexible enough to live on little money, and then start the serious career-building in their thirties when the children are at school. The present recession might actually make that easier - if there are no careers for 20-somethings to pursue, they might think it is quite a good idea to have babies instead.
"

fuck off! there will still be jobs, there will still be ways to make the money you need. She seems to think that every woman is trying or wanting to be 'outstanding' in their field. Some of us just want a job which pays ok, interests us, and allows us to pay for the things we need in life. FFS.

It's not just an individual choice we all make though, is it? Its a cultural / social norm thing as well.

I only know one person who had kids in her 20's, all my peer group who have had them at all did so in their mid to late 30s. That's my social norm. For someone else it could be different.

So why is that 'normal' for me and my friends? What is it about work / travel / holidays that overrode marriage / partnership / family for us?

And agree with the others about all this 'career' bollocks.

I've always thought that it makes more sense biologically to have your children when we are meant to have them , ie in your 20s.
Complicated society though now, not for all, but I wish I had had mine younger, but who knows, men think nothing of waiting for years to commit to a long-term relationship.
My DH thought 30 was too young to get married , I knew I had to get on at 30 and start having children or else much too risky fertility wise

It certainly suited my mother to have children in her very early 20s and then pursue a career when we were old enough to fend for ourselves. Pure accident though.

I would have made a terrible parent in my early 20s though (well to be fair, so did my mum). Too self absorbed and neurotic and also not in the faintest bit interested.

I have friends who had kids in their 20's, I have other friends who are only starting to have their families now (in their 30's) - none of my friends are forging some superb career. Some of my friends had abortions in their twenties purely and simply because they dodn't want the responsibility of a child back then, not because they were trying to forge a career. Most of my friends have supportive partners who earn the same as they do and manage to 'juggle' everything while keeping their job.

I was busy having too much decadent fun in my early twenties. I would have really resented being a mother so young. And I still had a hell of a lot of growing up to do.

I also would have had them with the wrong person instead of DH who I got together with at 28.

I found the article odd. The ccontroversial views on when people should have babies doesn't even sit well in the article - it's a total tangent.

Anyway, my view is that of course that is the best time to have a baby, but it is up to you. Many people con't want to, can't for many reason. I do agree with Slouch - take your chances. If you really want kids, then go for it quickly when it in theory should come easier.

I had DS when I was 31 and DD when I was 35.

I definitely think I was physically in better shape when I had DS, so would agree with the Article that you are physically better at coping with babies the younger you have them.

But..

I was never interested in babies until my biological clock chirped when I hit 30 - going to uni then having a career and a social life was for more exciting in my 20s.... I think that the cultural change for the average age for having children to revert to the 20s will take a very long time to happen, if it ever does.....

Plus the financial security aspect was better in my thirties....

I had DS at 27 and DD at 31. Perfect timing for me. I wasn't mature enough before the age of about 25/6 to even contemplate kids, but glad I didn't wait much longer. I have good friends in their 30s panicking slightly about biological clocks etc. I do think that if you seriously want children you should probably give it some thought while you are still young, rather than get to late 30s and suddenly think
'Shit!'...but hey, life doesn't always work out how you want it to, dies it?

Enough of my incoherent ramblings!