Should we all be having our babies in our early 20s?

[Coldtits]

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What do you think?

yes, women should have children in their 20's (or at least by early 30's)...you are physically in better shape & still young while they are growing up.

i have had kids 20's -30s and 40's

my kids are all fab but i am much happier now as a sahm in my 40's

i love it

20's i foud it hard - skint - all the mums older and better off than me (where we lived) no patience

much better now

headfairy well said

having kids so young was for me accident not design btw

Ah, see what you mean mrsgboring. I honestly think I would rather never do the deed again than sign up to a rota to borrow someone else's diaphragm

Yes NotanOtter, I do find it hard that all the mums here are older and much more finacially secure. It means we have to turn down invitations such as meeting at the park cafe for lunch (I did once and it cost me over £20 for two toddlers scrambled eggs on toast, a cheese sandwich, two juices and a coffee). mums at the preschool recently organised a trip to see chicago in the west end and I couldn't afford that either.

But stuff that. We are just as happy to wander around museums for free, or stay in with a box of crayons.

i would decline £20 lunch too and take sandwiches for free

Why does EVERYBODY seem to think that those of us not up the duff by the age of 29 were 'career women' bravely or stupidly putting career before babies???

When will it get through to society that most of us JUST DIDN'T MEET A MAN WORTHY OF FATHERING OUR CHILDREN until we were in our very late 20s or 30s!!!!

I was trying to meet men in my 20s. I did meet men. But none that i dated then were even remotely ready for fatherhood or suitable for parenthood with me. If i had got pregnant in my 20s i would be a single mum now - and we all know that in the view of current society the only thing worse than an infertile 30-something career woman is a single mother

[/rant] Sorry

Daftpunk - are you saying I shouldn't bother trying now I am 38 then?

Am I just allowing myself to be drawn into a shit argument here?

fluffles - rant away - I feel the same as you

yes fluffles i agree with you

you are not allowed to be 'just getting on with life'

if you have not had kids till 30's or later you have to be the Queen or Marie Curie

I don't 'blame' women for having kids later in life.

However, I have watched a few friends have all their fun in their teens, 20s and 30s and then get to 38 / 39 and suddenly desperately want kids and get very despondent about it not happening for them straight away. I think it's best to have realistic expectations, rather than believe in the fairy tale that you can have a fantastic career and social life through all of your most fertile years and then snap your fingers and get pregnant.

good posts. there are obviously pros and cons to having a baby young. dd was born when i was 20. it has worked well for me as i just threw myself into parenthood, had no preconceived notions of my life as a mother. i'm in final year of a four-year degree and enjoy rushing around under pressure. i feel independant and proud of my hard work and she wants for nothing.

however, i'm not sure if it is perfect for dd. her parents are broken up (even though she sees her dad most days) and she really wants a sibling which will not happen for years as i am very single.

i think if one is lucky enough to find a wonderful partner and be commited to them (eg married) in their early twenties then it is a fantastic time to start.

scottishmummy, no way I could take a packed lunch into a cafe.

you would feel really great too ....'latte please' 'not for me thanks i will just sit outside with my value butties'

"However, I have watched a few friends have all their fun in their teens, 20s and 30s and then get to 38 / 39 and suddenly desperately want kids and get very despondent about it not happening for them straight away. I think it's best to have realistic expectations, rather than believe in the fairy tale that you can have a fantastic career and social life through all of your most fertile years and then snap your fingers and get pregnant. "

but not all women who are older and wanting children have been spending their time having careers. Just because this is true of some of the people you know doesn't mean it's the case for us all.

If I'd met a man who I wanted to have children with in my early twenties then I would have had children then. I didn't have any ideological reason for holding off until the age of 34. I always assumed I would have my children by the time I was 30 but it didn't happen that way.

I suspect a large number of women having their first pregnancies later are the same.

I had dd1 at 21 (just), dd2 at 23 and dd3 at 30. Physically I think having them young was a great thing, financially it wasn't brilliant (didn't exactly plan it) but at least we never had to face a reduction in income because of maternity etc. we started with nowt and we've done ok. Careerwise for me though I think I'm probably five or more years behind on where I could have been had I not had a baby so young. I'm getting there though and I suspect there won't be any end difference between my career success had I had my children at the age I did and if I'd waited 10 years. I was fortunate though, fortunate to meet my soulmate at 20 and still be with him, fortunate my daughter was born at term and healthy so I could finish my finals, fortunate that I've found a job in an organisation close to my home and the girls' school etc so I can forge my career and still do mum stuff, fortunate in so many ways. It's a lot, lot more complicated than there just being a 'right' age.

"I have watched a few friends have all their fun in their teens, 20s and 30s and then get to 38 / 39 and suddenly desperately want kids and get very despondent about it not happening for them straight away."

Some of them may not have been 'having all their fun' in their late 20s and 30s - some may have been wishing and hoping and praying to meet the right man and that he'd commit and agree to have babies together.... in the meantime they were obviously having some fun rather than sitting around moping, but you can't know what their secret wishes were.

At the age of 38/39 it becomes much more socially acceptable to admit to hopes and fears about biological clocks that may have been taking root much earlier.

NotanOtter.

I did have one horrid moment like that that I hope to not repeat. Same group of mums, at the cafe at the maritime museum. I thought we were just having a (overpriced) coffee but they all ordered food. I got out our picnic and was asked to put it away by staff. I was almost in tears.

Actually, you know, quite a few of us do get pregnant 'straightaway'. I was 37. Plenty of MNers are quite a bit older. Blu was 43. Literally straightaway, in many cases. Or, in mine, accidentally.

Well exactly motherinferior, you only hear about the ones who don't because they come on to places like Mnet to ask for advice.

i fell pregnant by accident when i was 36 and first month of trying when i was 37.

but still wish i'd have done it when i was younger.

i'm in great shape and look after myself, but i don't have the energy that i had in my 20s. i just don't.

was married to someone who didn't want kids then, however.

really, really hope differently for my children, however.

And in many ways it is much less horrid to deal with the enforced tedium of parenthood when you are already a middle-aged old bat, really. At least I have had many lie-ins, blow-outs and adventures with unsuitable blokes to reminisce over fondly when settling down with a respectable glass of red to watch Strictly on a Saturday night.

I think women should have babies whenever they want to have babies tbh, be that 21 or 41. There are positives and negatives to being both a younger and older mother I should think, so I imagine it all evens out in the end.