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Original poster

Should we all be having our babies in our early 20s?

171 replies

Coldtits · 16/12/2008 14:26

read here

What do you think?

OP posts:
Podrick · 16/12/2008 18:24

The world is choc full of committment phobic men, notanotter, I am suprised this hasn't impacted on your life - it has certainly impacted on the lives of most women I know!

Podrick · 16/12/2008 18:25

Errr love without regular sex would not be enough for most men imo

NotanOtter · 16/12/2008 18:26

nope Podrick it has not

Men do get tarred...

MrsMattie · 16/12/2008 18:27

There is no social pressure on anyone (men included!) to get married these days. However, women still have a biological clock, so there is a pressure on us to find a partner before our child bearing days are over. There isn't that same pressure on men, to put it bluntly. I think that's what Podrick was getting at?

WalkinginWaynettaWonderland · 16/12/2008 18:28

Well coldtits - you have at least 3k words here !! what do you think?

Podrick · 16/12/2008 18:29

All I can say is that you have had a more fortunate time than any of my friends if this hasn't been an issue that has impacted on your life. It is really common in my world that women stay with men who won't commit hoping they will change their minds and then suddenly it is all too late. Alternatively they fall accidentally pregnant and the man leaves.

MissChief · 16/12/2008 18:32

agree, podrick, know a couple of people in this position, one of whom has recently decided to freeze her eggs.

NotanOtter · 16/12/2008 18:34

so men are intrinsically a different entity to women?

the ideal of a 'family' is no longer appealing to the modern male?

MissChief · 16/12/2008 18:35

i think there are a fair few modern males who have no wish to have a family, at least until they're much older.

MrsMattie · 16/12/2008 18:36

Yep, me too@podrick &MissChief.

Two close friends have just broken up with their long term partners (they are both mid 30s) because although the men - although 'ready to 'commit' to a relationship, a mortgage and a life together in every other respect - weren't 'sure' about kids, 'yet'.

Also have a good friend who is in a rleationship with a man who isn't sure if he is 'ready'. He is 41, she is 38. I just think that's a load of absolute bollocks, and have told her so.

spicemonster · 16/12/2008 18:37

I know so many men who 'weren't ready' to start a family until their late 30s. In fact all the friends I went to uni with. I am very nearly 44 and have a child under 2. Of my very close friends (who are all the same age as me) the eldest of our children is 6. It wasn't the women who wanted to wait, it was the men.

NotanOtter · 16/12/2008 18:37

we need to educate our sons then

spicemonster · 16/12/2008 18:39

Oh and I am talking about 10 couples here, not one or two.

KerryMum · 16/12/2008 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMattie · 16/12/2008 18:42

I met my DH when I was 24 and he was 37. Three years later we started ttc. He hadn't been 'sure'. I told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to make his mind up, because I wanted kids sooner rather than later. I'm sure it was my (young) age that allowed me to be so bolshy. A lot of my older female friends seem to beat around the bush with their men and think they'll change their mind. I wouldnt be waiting for a man to change his mind if I was pushing 40, I tell you.

Podrick · 16/12/2008 18:49

Glad it's not just me, I was starting to think my life experience and my circle of friends were freaks...in fact they are lovely, attractive and intelligent women.

spicemonster · 16/12/2008 18:53

I think you're absolutely right MrsMattie. I think some of them were a bit too polite about it. Luckily for most of them it's worked out but not all have been lucky.

chaufleur · 16/12/2008 18:54

Agree Podrick, also agree Mrs Mattie as usual!.

I have bags of friends who are/were with men who were fine for a relationship, and even a mortgage... but marriage and kids - "not ready!" I know some friends who are 36,37 and 38 and have been with their men for 6 and 7 years and have lived together for 5 of those and still the men just won't commit any further than that.

Don't know if this has already been said somewhere on here or not but TB completely H I think there would be a lot more marriages and children happening if it was down to the women. Especially in relationships lasting say, 2-3 years + with no real issues. When it gets to 5 years + and both partners are in their 30's then WTF are (in most cases I know) the men so reticent??

spicemonster · 16/12/2008 18:54

Oh and yes we do NotAnOtter - that is one of the many things I will be teaching my DS (along with how to be a decent husband, father, cook, cleaner, etc )

MrsMattie · 16/12/2008 18:56

Couldn't agree more@chauffleur & podrick

chaufleur · 16/12/2008 18:58

Podrick, I sometimes think its' MOSTLY the lovely, attractive and intelligent women who are sold short by their DP's when it comes to commitment.

I think some men are perfectly happy to have a relationship, live with/own a property with/share a life with a great woman but they just don't see the big attraction of marriage and kids. In which case they don't do it. Simple as that.

MrsMattie · 16/12/2008 19:01

chaufleur, I agree

My bestest friend is an amazing woman. I know I am biased, but she is. She is gorgeous, looks about 10 years younger than her age, has a fantastic job and earns shedloads, great, active social life, a lovely, warm hearted person, just the right mix of kind and lovely but not needy or dependent. God, she is perfect on paper. I'd marry her! . Arse wipe boyfriend of 6 years has just told her he isn't sure if he wants kids 'yet...or ever'. FFS. I could punch him.

Myrrhcy · 16/12/2008 19:08

Agree with Podrick on the point of men being less interested in family responsbility these days.

I cannot think of one single mother I know who is either in her 2nd or 3rd serious relationship (having left previous ones due to lack of committment) or those who have waited and had to persuade our dh/dps that we want dc - it's not really weird or outlandish that many women would like to have a child at some stage.

But disagree re your comment re only the rich or poor have children in their 20s.

piscesmoon · 16/12/2008 19:11

I don't see how anyone can plan to have DCs at a certain age-life doesn't fit so conveniently into place!

chaufleur · 16/12/2008 19:12

The thing is, once some of the men I know who have been reluctant to commit have actually committed, I note with interest that thereafter they tend to be all enthusiastic about marriage and having kids!

The same men who were "not sure", are all "Mate it's the best thing I ever did", "My wife says..." etc and start getting all gooey and take an interest in friend's babies. It's like a switch has been flicked on and they are suddenly really enjoy the idea and the reality of being a DH and a father.

Of course, this is some, not all, men (although I have to say it describes a lot of men I know!)