Should we all be having our babies in our early 20s?

[Coldtits]

read here

What do you think?

i had my first son at 23, blimey the grief i got from my co-workers!

it's certainly easier physically to cope with a child in your 20s rather than 30s and now i can get on with forging out a career (though i also have a 7 year old)

Biologically, yes we should have kids in our 20s.
However there are many other factors as to why we don't, and not just the 'career woman' drivel that is always spouted out.

for example: Meeting and marrying the right person, emotionally not ready for motherhood in 20s, too busy enjoying life at uni / travelling the world/ scuba diving / etc

I'm 20 & due to give birth in April. It wasn't exactly the plan, but I'm really excited about it & shall continue with uni, etc. I don't think that it really matters how old you are - mature, yes. Old, no.

As someone who didn't start trying for babies until she was 37, happy, settled with someone who also wanted them after leaving a relationship with an alcohollic who didn't want kids, and who is now finding it difficult to conceive, I find some of this 'advice' about when it would have been 'best' for me to have children rather irritating.

I had a well meaning friend who spent most of my early thirties telling me I had better get on with it (With the alcoholic) and have babies before I was 35 as there might 'be something wrong with them' and I often found it very hard to stop myself from punching her in the face. In the end I had to tell her that given my circumstances and the fact that I didn't want kids then perhaps she could keep her advice to herself.

She has been wonderful to me since I started trying and has not tried to lecture me about the 'mistake' I made by not having them earlier because I think she now understands that I wasn't making a choice to be an older mum, it's just how it happened.

Other people should maybe appreciate that too. When you're 38, suffering from unexplained fertility, too old for free IVF and hoping every month that you are pregnant it really isn't helpful for Anyone to start going on about what you should have done.

@Darrell Rivers
"I've always thought that it makes more sense biologically to have your children when we are meant to have them , ie in your 20s."

In what sense are we "meant" to have them in our 20s?

Why are we not "meant" to be having them in our teens?

My periods started at 10, perhaps that would have been the perfect time biologically for me to TTC. I could have channeled the energy I wasted on swimming and gymnastics into babies

Surely any time from our first menses to menopause is the time during which we are "meant" to be having babies (if it even makes sense to talk about it in those terms, which I think it doesn't really)?

I get really, really tired of hearing about what women are supposed to be doing and when they are meant to be doing it. Let's just all do things when we want.

Also I have no issues at all with anyone receiving treatment for infertility on the NHS and I don't care what age they are when they do it.

and when I saw "want" I mean also "can", "get around to", "change our minds about" etc.

saw - say

Lynn Barber has become mates with Jonathan King since his conviction for abusing children so I don't want to read any guff she has to say, thanks.

She's a very silly woman with a huge ego.

I agree, Lynne Barber is a twit.

she also seems to be suggesting that being a mum and working are not compatible. Like she pushed herself to work and that somehoe meant her kids weren't getting the mum they needed. Utter bollox.

I could never have had children in my 20's too much of my own crap to sort out first
then with whom? I thought children needed to be given a chance of a settled family and I was in no way ready to settle
but I expect everyone is different

had my older 3 at 23, 24 and 26. Then, decided to have number 4 at 35. Whatever suits each family.

Bizarre article. WTF can't a resourceful Oxford student manage to procure her own diaphragm?

It's all very well saying have babies in your 20s - that's great if what you do is have sex a few times, get knocked up, get bigger, give birth and then hey presto bring up baby.

What about if it takes a long time to TTC, you have repeated miscarriages, risky pregnancies, sick or stillborn baby? While these things are all more common in older mothers, they're mostly not directly caused by maternal age. I am 32, have had one stillborn baby, a DS who is well and happy and may well end up with another stillborn baby or very sick newborn this time round (for entirely unconnected reasons - I am very unlucky). DH and I have been at this childbearing lark for five years. I don't think I would have coped with all this when I was 20, though I could probably have had a bash at a relatively straightforward pregnancy, and looking after one or two healthy, NT children.

I also took a while to get used to the everyday tiredness of doing a professional job, when I was 22. As it was, puking at work nearly finished me off, but at least I'd been working a while, and a normal day at work didn't leave me feeling exhausted.

We always look back on past times with rose tinted spectacles. I personally think I've got more energy at 30 than I had at 25 or even 20.

My own theory is this is a way of blaming women for obstetric misfortune. In the past, one wouldn't talk about infertility, m/c, pregnancy symptoms or even stillbirth because they were disgusting women's things not fit for polite conversation. Now we're all supposed to be more open about these things, we inflict our discomfort on the stereotype of the hard-faced career bitch instead.

Also, it means these things won't happen to us - it's her over there with her perfect suit and briefcase and her robot-like devotion to the company. And she brought it on herself. Tut tut.

tiresome cliched artice she even said "having it all" thing is 20's is post Uni,PostGrad,build job experience time.which is probably why the average age for prima gravida is actually now 30yo so ehmmm not your 20's then Ms Barber

"My own theory is this is a way of blaming women for obstetric misfortune."

good theory, inaccurately named mrsboring

I had my first at 22 and my second within a year. We have known each other since we were 13 and been together since 17. I would never say it's easy but they have given us so much. think having children makes you seriously assess your life and your priorities which is no bad thing.

I never feel I am missing out when friends are sobbing to me after yet another one night stand or making themselves ill worrying about their weight.

I don't think there is a right socio-cultural age to have babies. There might be a right biological one but, a bit like breastfeeding, you don't have to obey the party line to the letter.

The right time to have children is when, as Lynn Barber is so clear about, you have found the right partner to have them with.

Anna - good point, she is really clear about that which is why her article is so bloody odd

mrsgboring - she couldn't procure her own diaphragm because only married women were prescribed them.

I had ds at 31, I am now 36 and ttc no 2. I married dh when I was 23 we had our own home back then which is bigger than the house we live in now! Financially we were no worse off than we are now.

It never really occured to me to have children in my twenties. I was the only one out of my peer group to be married and I felt that I was looked down upon because I was saddled with a mortgage whereas all my friends were out clubbing every night. I am ashamed to say that I was a bit of a sheep and convinced myself that I didn't want to have children because it just wasn't "cool".

Looking back I really wish that I had had children when we first got married, things would be so much easier than they are now and we would certainly be in a better financial position. The other day I was talking to a young mum at ds's swimming class, she had her first child when she was just 20 and I have to say I felt really envious of her whereas 10 years ago I would have thought that she was throwing her life away . Women are encouraged to have a career before they think about children but I think it would be easier the other way round. Xenia started her family when she was young and it certainly hasn't held her back!

mrsgboring you would not belive the rules on contraception that existed before the mid to late 1960s. Basically you had to prove that you were married before you could get hold of any, in most cases.

What a load of old twaddle, so when are we supposed to have some fun, let rip and live it up a bit? In that narrow gap between school and our early twenties? I'm sorry but the biggest fault with that argument is that women's lives are all about duty duty duty, you must have your babies in your 20s so you can build your career in your 30s and 40s, work tirelessly through your 50s and in to your 60s then retire and die. Not for me thank you, I spent my 20s having an absolute ball, travelling the world, sailing the high seas, partying clubbing and generally having so much fun, it all made me a much more rounded person with some cracking tales to tell ds when he's older. For some people maybe having babies in their 20s is the right choice, but not for me, and to me that's true feminism, having the choice to have some fun while I'm still young enough to look good doing it and then go on to have the babies and career. True equality wouldn't make doing the two at the same time so hard, but unfortunately it's still a man's world.

I'm def fitter adn have mor eenergy now than I did when I was in my 20's. Am 38 now and manage to cycle 110 miles a week, hold down a full time job and still have plenty of energy to run round with dd in the evenings and at the weekends. We often go for long walks/ cycles then. No way could I have done that at 20 cos at 20 I was quite frankly lazy nad would have resented getting up early with kids and missing my nights out.

I was interviewd on Woman's hour about this; my point being that it is waiting until their men are ready to have babies that often leads to women delaying starting a family, it took DH years to get his head round it and i also know more men than women who had high standards about where they were living and what they were earning before they had kids. I'm sick of women getting the "blame" for leaving it "too late". (I had my first at 30,by the way, which seemed late to me at the time).

I suppose by "procure her own diaphragm" I really meant, "procure another diaphragm, not necessarily fitted to her." The other student managed it after all (and I'm presuming she wasn't married and therefore negotiating with husband to hand out her diphragm on a rota...)

Can't believe I'm devoting this much time to worrying about another woman's contraceptive arrangements.