Should we all be having our babies in our early 20s?

[Coldtits]

read here

What do you think?

Oh Meg, I meant that leaving at 6.30 is pretty crap, actually, given I've then got an hour's commute home! And that's with masses left, and knowing I really should stay for another hour. And dropping the kids at breakfast club at 7.55am and dashing to the train and not seeing them again till nearly 8pm...

But hell, I am most of the time a freelancer, which is apparently something to be utterly despised. An ancient, hideous freelancer at that

I've been working freelance this year as well -- much easier to be flexible around the DC. But none of this would be possible without the hard graft of 10 years' work for me.

In fact without having spent my 20s focusing on my career I wouldn't have a house, any kind of income, or have even met DH, as we met through work!

The media industry is a rubbish place for working parents. I work at the beeb and I have to do 12 hour shifts (with an hour commute each way) so when I'm on shift I only see ds for an hour in the mornings. However, i do get more days off as I work 3 days a week, I guess that's the trade off. However, if at this time I really wanted to push my career forward I would have to consider travelling abroad occasionally, or at least travelling to different parts of the country. I was offered a promotion recently (it was a 6 month contract on a higher grade) which was in Birmingham. It would involve me staying up there all the time as I would be on call all the time. I had to turn it down as it wasn't fair on dh and I couldn't bear to not see ds for so long. However, because of my experience I can confidently turn these things down knowing that in a few years time when ds is older I can work again at building my career. Currently I'm just coasting but at a much higher level than if I'd just started my career, on a fairly decent salary.

@ MadamePlatypus

Um, that was pretty much my point.

In purely biological terms surely we should be procreating constantly from the time we are able until the time when we no longer are, or we are dead?

So why the focus on doing it in our 20s?

There is no sensible biological argument that says the 20s are the "right" time, since all of those arguments are necessarily based mainly on cultural assumptions (like say, the idea of being in your '20s' itself)

HeadFairy - I was in a fairly decent role at the Beeb before I had my first child (and went back to it for a bit, too). What a thoroughly shite place to be a working parent. They talk the whole 'flexible working' talk, but the walk is very different, I found. I simply couldn't compete with childless people willing to work every hour God sends to get ahead.

(I found it interesting that the only woman in a senior management role in my department was a childless 40-something...)

Depressing.

I thought female fertility peaked in your late teens / early 20s?

agree with the beeb comment...working mother in BBC News...only if your salary allows you a nanny!

I'd have been a crap mother in my 20's, I was a total loon, once I calmed down I could contemplate being a mother. I have much more life experience and feel more confident now.

I agree with MrsMattie actually - I do think there is a myth that our fertility will carry on going until our early 40s and as I am now in 40s (gasp!) a lot of my friends have found that not to be the case, with much ensuing sadness.

I do think it's worth reminding women of the facts actually - I am always telling my friends in their early 30s to get on with it.

But damn, I'm not commenting on this article

MrsMattie, it is really hard. I must be the only person in the world who has their flexible working application turned down (apparently 80% are accepted) but a great cm and dh help!

I got married at 20. I had my first at 22 and my 4th at 28. I took a degree at 30. Wouldn't say I've ever had a shining career. Then had a surprise DD2 at 43

That's my point exactly@spicemonster. (Although I also agree with Miggsy - I would have been a rubbish mum any earlier than late 20s).

But I do think we have to be realistic, and I say that because I am on the side of women, not anti-woman. I hate to see fantastic women going through ridiculously painful IVF struggles. It's heartbreaking at any age, but especially when time is against you. I don't think we should panic . guilt women into having children younger, but I do think there are some women (and men!) who just don't realistically think about how age is going to affect their fertility.

I was told I could do 4 longer days...or take a non-production role (a production sec / researcher role, basically). I had worked my bollocks off to get to producer level (even got a promotion while pregnant) and wasn't far off getting an exec producer gig pre-kids. I was damned if I was going to do four 14 hour days (would have been that long factoring in commuting) or take a shitty junior position alongside a few spotty 22 yr olds. I left. Should have done them for constructive dismissal, but didn't have the energy with a 1 yr old non-sleeper!

Twas a few years ago now, but still angers me

It is the rich and the poor who generally have kids in their twenties. I think most people would prefer to have their children relatively young but if you want to own your own home this is hard to achieve for most before late twenties or thirties.

There is also the small point of meeting a partner who would be a good father...harder and harder to find nowadays imo.

I hope my own dd has children in her 20's and if I am able to I will help her financially so that this is a realistic option for her.

Podrick why on earth is it harder and herder to find a good father 'these days'

what an odd thing to say

I think men are less willing to accept resonsibility

I think she has a point. A lot of guys want their 'freedom' until their late 30s, too. Happily for them, though, they are still very much fertile at that age.

than they used to be?

beanieb;

i guess like all my posts on mn i see things through my own experiences.

i had my 1st child at 18 and my last at 26.

i'm 35, i love being young(ish) with grown up children. some of my friends around my age have just had their 1st child, my daughter is 18!

of course it doesn't matter if you have children in your late 30's or early 40's...but i'm not sure i would have enjoyed doing the school run when i was pushing 50.....but i'm only saying that because i wont be.

if i hadn't met my dh young i would have had my children later....and i wouldn't have cared.

did tht make any sense?

No of course not - I hate it when people come up with prescriptions for how to live your life. This isn't an Orwellian new world(yet)

i agree with some of it but I think early 20s is a little unrealistic. Most of us would't have met someone suitable or be sufficiently mature to breed, imho, certainly not me as my younger self. It makes me sad to see older friends struggling through the agony of IVF, in some cases, imo, unnecessarily as they had been together for a few yrs and could have gone for it sooner but chose not to do so for lifestyle reasons ([i'[m not generalising here but talking about specific instances).

Yes. Previously, if a man wanted regular sex his main option was to get married quite early and the expectation after that was that the couple would start a family within a few years.

Well, I agree that biologically/physically it would have been easier in my early 20s. But I was busy using all that energy to stay up all night
I think I'd have resented kids - for not letting me be out in the evenings, travelling whenever/wherever I could afford...
And for a lot of my friends (not me), they hadn't met their DP by then so it wasn't really an option either way.

But work/career -wise I'm not sure there is ANY good time to have kids - do it early and you have to struggle that much harder to get back on and up the ladder from a low start. Do it late and it's that much harder to give up what you've achieved up to then..

God, I'm rambling on this evening. Sorry. Conclusion - it's not easy

whatever happened to love fgs?

regular sex?