HELP! People who have moved to the country from London I need your advice (long, sorry)...

[CountessDracula]

Am having a mare

We live in London currently in a lovely house in v nice area (which we are just finishing doing up) with lots of friends, great primary schools, dd just settled in brilliant nursery, easy journey to work etc...

AND NOW....dh has been offered an excellent job in Winchester. I grew up there and am tbh not overly keen on going back, though if I look at it objectively I can see the benefits (near parents, bigger house with garden 10 x size of current one, no planes, traffic etc, dh will have much chiller lifestyle, we will get to do country things (whatever those are, stumbling around in shite IME))

BUT... I love living in London. I have lived here for 20 years, I love it. When I go to the country I go bonkers. Everything is so slow and annoying. The shops are crap. The food is awful and even nice restaurants give you bloody baby corn and mange tout with everything. Culture is non-existant (I love theatre, opera, gigs etc and go a lot). I will miss all my friends. Plus I will have to commute 4 days a week and it would add at least 40 mins each way onto my journey, but not sure I would really mind that as could sleep in the morning and work in the evening (or drink v&t lol!) I would still see dd in the evenings.

My question is, once I am there, would I chill out and stop being such an arsehole about all this or am I doomed to a life of dissatisfaction and woe? I don't want to go if so!

Other downsides - the schools are nowhere near as good, would have to pay for private in all probablility. There is nothing to do as a teenager but get pissed and take drugs. There is NO WAITROSE (ok that is my main problem I admit )

I really really want to do this for dh. He reckons he has no prospects in London. This firm tried to get him twice already and he turned them down (about 3 years ago). They are, for them, offering him the earth. He will take a paycut but will have much better prospects and life. I want to make him happy but I don't want to make myself miserable in the process.

WHAT DO I DO?

why don't you apply to Location, Locatio, Location?

not a bad idea!

My Winchester friend started out life down there in Teg Down, LM. (She lives on Shooters Hill now, that's quite rarefied I believe?)

Or is it Sleepers Hill....? Forgotten!)

First class? Are you joking? Okay, we are back to that toe scalp thing.

My journey was absolute sh1t, if I do say so myself. I was in the first trimester of my first pregnancy and had to take that train to Waterloo, and then another one all the way down to Leatherhead. I was soooooo tired. I don't even know how I survived sometimes. And I remember businessmen used to get all hoity toity about their queue to get on the train and nobody better jump the queue. So many time I wanted to say, "are you pregnant?"

Anyway, it was probably better in first class. But, it's still a long ride. I can't remember, but I think it's over an hour.

Shooter's Hill had me for a moment FlatJan but Sleepers Hill means much more! Lucky lady! Although, TBH, I had a couple of friends on Sleepers Hill and I always thought it was a bit dark with all those trees, and also, that hill is a bugger to climb!

Joking, moi?

TBH I am not moving to the countryside to stand for an hour on a train every day! So first is the only option I gather.

I'm not surprised you hated it if you had to commute to Leatherhead!

Would your company (or dh's for that matter) pay the commuting fare? That would make quite a difference to our decision (if it was ours IYSWIM) I like the idea of Location, Location Location. We have considered that for our current house hunt!

Please please please go on Location Location Location - that would be fab

I used to go cattle class, so no idea what it's like in First. I do remember the hoity toity people queueing up on the platform though! Got told off on my first day - great welcome.....

I used to travel into Victoria - changed at Clapham Junction. I used to leave my house at 8, get the 8.20 train and be in the office by 9.30. Used to leave at 6.30pm and got home at 8.15. It doesn't sound too bad, but believe me it was truly knackering doing it full time. If the trains go up the swanny it is a total nightmare. I remember picking up my husband in the car at 11.30pm one night.....

If your journey at the London end is simple, or you can walk to work, that does make it A LOT easier.

FWIW I think commuting would be hellish. Sorry. Uwila has a good point about Woking.

There's a very well respected art school in Winchester btw and sates.org do lots of highly regarded contemporary art projects if thats your thing - based in Winchester.

Countess Dracula - leave Richmond? Are you mad? Richmond is the nicest place in England to live (and I say this as a devout northener). I used to be duty solicitor at Richmond Magistrates Court and after being dispatched to deal with my busy 2 cases of deer worrying and bottle digging (yes this crime does exist I promise you) I wouldn't show up to the office until closing time. Richmond is fantastic, the shops are fab, Richmond Park is amazing and it just has a great vibe about it. I lived in Povo Wimbledon as I couldn't afford the extortionate million pound price tag on most of the properties in sunny Richmond, but if I lived there I wouldn't move for love money husbands happiness whatever!

CD, how permanent is this move? I mean, if you were really miserable, could you go back to London in a couple of years or is this a really long term irreversable move for DH?

Oh, right... You live in Richmond? Uh, yes, I would have to agree that I would think you bonkers to trade Richmond for Winchester.

No no I live in East Sheen, halfway between Richmond and Barnes. Still v nice.

Uwila yes could come back as would only rent house out

CD, another question - do you know Giraffe? Is it any good?

Never been so don't know, sorry

Bundle that you have been that near to Alan Rickman

Back on topic: re the commuting thing, lots of people commute from my town and its environs as we are on the Waterloo, London Bridge, Charing Cross line. I've never met anyone who didn't loathe it and I even know someone (a man) who had a nervous breakdown caused by 11 years of commuting to London.

Just seen this thread - not read all of it! We moved from London to the 'country' three years ago.

Lots of your points about southern cities are valid.

There is no culture except for white-pig-farmer culture. There is nothing in the way of racial or cultural diversity, which I find very depressing. It is not as PRETTY as I thought it would be. Friends got bored of visiting after the first year. There is no decent theatre. All the teenagers drink WKDBlue and get pregnant when they are bored of working in JD Sports. People are REALLY ugly outside of Soho and everyone dresses like it's 1984.

On the plus side, there ARE some fantastic restaurants if you know where to look, much better than any I found in London. The schools around me are excellent. I have a massive garden. I am a couple of hours away from Cornwall. I can pop to the beach / farm / woods for the afternoon. I can walk into town with the buggy. I don't worry about being the victim of crime the way I did in London. I don't ever have to attempt to take a pram on public transport. I can park anywhere I like. I can buy groceries at the farmer's market. There is LOTS to do for kids up to around the age of 16. I don't get stuck in traffic jams. Interesting part-time work is easy to come by. I've made lots of new friends (lots of London refugees).

I DO miss lots of things about London. What drove our move was that we owned a small property and wanted to trade up. If we had been in your situation, I think we would have stayed.

Good luck with your decision!

... and I have friends from a much broader social mix than I ever did in London. In London all of my friends were middle-class and well off, mostly gay. I didn't know anyone on benefits. Now my friends are a more mixed bunch, which has shown me that a lot of my ideas about people were complete middle-class toss.

(I hope that doesn't make me sound too dreadful...)

SPRAY@morningpaper's summary of the people outside London - hope you've got a flack jacket handy

Another PRO: I can wear the same outfit EVERY DAY and no one notices.

Another CON: I do this.

Sounds very West Country where you are mp

Spot on Cam.