HELP! People who have moved to the country from London I need your advice (long, sorry)...

[CountessDracula]

Am having a mare

We live in London currently in a lovely house in v nice area (which we are just finishing doing up) with lots of friends, great primary schools, dd just settled in brilliant nursery, easy journey to work etc...

AND NOW....dh has been offered an excellent job in Winchester. I grew up there and am tbh not overly keen on going back, though if I look at it objectively I can see the benefits (near parents, bigger house with garden 10 x size of current one, no planes, traffic etc, dh will have much chiller lifestyle, we will get to do country things (whatever those are, stumbling around in shite IME))

BUT... I love living in London. I have lived here for 20 years, I love it. When I go to the country I go bonkers. Everything is so slow and annoying. The shops are crap. The food is awful and even nice restaurants give you bloody baby corn and mange tout with everything. Culture is non-existant (I love theatre, opera, gigs etc and go a lot). I will miss all my friends. Plus I will have to commute 4 days a week and it would add at least 40 mins each way onto my journey, but not sure I would really mind that as could sleep in the morning and work in the evening (or drink v&t lol!) I would still see dd in the evenings.

My question is, once I am there, would I chill out and stop being such an arsehole about all this or am I doomed to a life of dissatisfaction and woe? I don't want to go if so!

Other downsides - the schools are nowhere near as good, would have to pay for private in all probablility. There is nothing to do as a teenager but get pissed and take drugs. There is NO WAITROSE (ok that is my main problem I admit )

I really really want to do this for dh. He reckons he has no prospects in London. This firm tried to get him twice already and he turned them down (about 3 years ago). They are, for them, offering him the earth. He will take a paycut but will have much better prospects and life. I want to make him happy but I don't want to make myself miserable in the process.

WHAT DO I DO?

Oh God, how very English.

"The dog likes it, so we have to do it".

I have a friend who bases her holiday destination on whether the dog will enjoy it!

Another thing about culture - when I lived in Liverpool years ago, if you wanted to see an arthouse film, you had to go when the one decent cinema was showing it. Whereas in London, you can see it anytime, so you never got round to it. (That was my experience anyway!)

Although in Medway if you want to see anything more than Hollywood dross, you have to go to London.

The private school fees sound a bit much - would you have to go private in London anyway, once it got to secondary level?

Have to agree with alicatsg, if you would have to commute into London surely Dh could commute out? I used to do it, and there's nothing more satisfying than driving down a nice empty road whilst everyone driving the other way is backed up for miles

I know HMC - should have been a great job tho!

I think that Embley Park might be a bit cheaper than £4K per term.

Alicatsq, I was there from 1970 to 1984 but still go there as parents still live there. Do you want to let on which school you went to? I won't know you as I guess I am older than you. Just give me a clue.

and fwiw I never thought I would live where I do now, and I LOVE it!

Northerner that is interesting.

HMC thanks for that, I have been to every halfway decent restaurant within striking distance of Winch and am not impressed! However, I love cooking so will just have to do it myself!

We would defo rent out house here and rent in Winch to start with there is no way I am giving up this house (unless something v special comes along). I would want the option of coming back if we hated it or dh's job didn't work out.

My main prob is that if I say no and then dh's career goes down the toilet as a result (which is a possibility) then I will feel awful. If I do go I shall do in good spirit and not moan and try and get used to it.

Can't he commute? It sounds as though the cons outwiegh the pros enormously and even if you found it wasn't too bad, you sound so happy with your life now you'd always have an underlying sense of dissatisfaction.

someone might have already asked this but can't you just try if for a while and then see?

But I think for his sake you have to really try not just go and live there and not make an effort IFYKWIM

I do think him commuting is at least something to consider. Have you discussed it as an option? That way you're both happy?

(LM - was St Swithuns, regrettably!)

I too wonder if you have a prejudiced view of Winchester due to spending your childhood there. Last time I looked Winchester was a city. It's hardly in-the-middle-of-nowhere rural.

But Sothern Cities are seriously lacking in culture. (I live in one). There are things out there if you look, however. Depends what you like to do. Plus, you are still very close to London if you need to go into the big city.

House prices in Winchester are HIGH though. You ought to really have a look around and check your money really will buy you something bigger.

I don't know about State schools. I am sure there are at least some good primaries around. I think a lot of people live in Winchester and commute to London, so you might not find yourself in social isolation and may find some like-minded friends.

Reading between the lines though, I'd say you don't really want to leave London. Can't hubby commute?

Lonelymum, I wonder if we do know each other? I was at symond's from 82 to 84, were you there? Where do your parents live? (mine are in Avington)

He could commute and they have said he could work from the London office 3 days a week and Winchester 2 days. Maybe that is the answer to start with. Prob is he will take a 15k paycut to go there but we have just lost the nanny and dd is in nursery so that should just about cover that.

I work in the City so would still get london fix 4 days a week. Plus could stay with SIL occasionally.

Have read some more posts and really must defend Winchester. There are some fantastic restaurants in and around it (and I lived in London for 6 years as an adult so I can compare).

The schools are far better than those in other areas. London may have better but how good does a school have to be? Will only the best suffice?

London is very easily reached for culture: my parents, in their 70s, regularly go up for opera, theatre, art, etc.

I am not even so sure that if you move to Winchester, you will never be able to afford London house prices again. Winchester is pretty much equal to London house prices nowadays.

Oh yes please do defend it, I would love to do this and for it to work, believe me.

Haven't read all of this, but just wanted to offer:

Waitrose in Chandler's Ford
Opera at Grange Park
Theatre at the Theatre Royal
Winchester Festival
Load of stuff going on in Southampton

Maybe it won't be as bad as you think?

I have to say, if he can commute 2 days a week to Winchester (against the traffic, so nice n easy) and you can manage to stay in London and you really want to stay there, I'd advise you to stay.

What does your DH feel about living in London? Does he have any particular yearning to get out?

my abiding memory of Winchester is the punks with dogs on strings sat round the buttercross. Ah happy days.

Actually to be fair, moving to the country has made me far happier than I imagined. Its just a sense of security and stability I didn't get in London, and I get enough adrenalin and excitement through work.

I'd take it steady - if he can commute and see how it goes then that seems sensible.

HAH Grange Park Opera, always v miffed about that as the Grange was OUR PLACE, we could spend all day there being naughty with no-one disturbing us. Now bloody tourists everywhere.

Also have you ever tried to get tickets? More complicated than any booking system EVER!

I do like the cinema in winchester tho, v comfy.

good nosh in classy hotel

damn fine tucker

..okay, so there might be a wee bit of a drive involved

no ks, you know....

CD I did go to Symonds but from 81 to 83. My parents live in central Winchester. Avington is beautiful. Thinking more about this, I think your dh should commute for 6 months and see whether that suits him. Loads of people commute the other way (ie to London) so if you did end up moving, I don't think you would feel like a fish out of water. Also, is your dd of school age now? If so, you don't want to move her to W only to find you can't stand it and move her back to London again. Better that your dh commutes and then take it from there.

hmc, LOL, nothing behind those (see, I may have a point!)

Am not going to drive to Chewton Glen for dinner, it's miles away!

Ah so you were the year above me - I wonder if we do know each other?

and then you can also plan a lovely weekend re-exploring old haunts and seeing if it'd work but at your leisure! Better still park kiddy at grandparents for maximum wandering and thinking time.

That was a fat lot of good. Neither link bloody well works.

There were for Chewton Glen and also for the Three Lions in Fordingbridge.

Chewton Glen was voted "Best Country House Hotel in the World" by Gourmet Magazine, and The Three Lions have various plaudits