You know you need to get a life when...

[GeorginaA]

... you open up the washing machine and a) notice you've changed your washing powder and b) catch yourself thinking "mmm, this smells nicer than the old one".

... you have a telephone conversation with someone you haven't spoken to in 2 years and you manage to exchange all your news within 5 minutes then struggle to think of something else to talk about.

ARGH! Has anyone got a life they can loan me please?!

you say SH1T instead of the more usual version, at an evening out with friends and shout 'CAR' when walking down a counry lane even when no kids around!

You open your handbag/briefcase in a meeting to find a) one screwed up baby wipe b) some bits frrom a playmobil set c) a half used jar of babyfood

seahorse - I'm intrigued - how DO you say SH1T ?

Scatterbrain - it's S - H - one - T. (A very very posh friend of mine used to say it that way. seahorse, are you v v posh too???)

You ask if anyone needs a wee before you leave the pub.

ks - I use the letterland characters when I reset passwords...Kicking king etc

You don't feel you can walk properly without a pram or buggy in your hands, mine feels a bit like a zimmer.

Oh and when you closely examine the contents of your baby's latest nappy to see how they have got on digesting some new food you have given them, have the raisins come through whole etc.

babster

.... someone asks you when you last had an evening out and you can't quite pin down the month...but it must have been... no, it can't have been that long ago.......

You demonstrate to students how to build a website using one all about your own beautiful daughter. Then keep updating it with new pictures and force them to look and admire.

it's friday evening and dd is in bed and dh asks will we open a 'bokkie' of wine...

LOL Big bird!! That's brilliant!!

When ds goes to bed or to Grans house it takes dp and I an hour or 2 to stop calling each other Mummy and Daddy!!

Dp and I have spoken at length about the contents of ds's nappy.... colour, undigested food, smell!! Yuck!!! ..... but fascinating!

You've forgotten how to flirt because you never talk to men (where are all the SAHDs?)

You refer to your husband as "dh" in the conversations you have with yourself in your head.

Oh yes Jane101, I have to stop myself calling dh 'dh'! Also, you know you need a life when all your interesting information comes from a parenting website, and when you start most sentences with 'Someone on Mumsnet posted x/y/z'

Also, if you do have an hour to yourself in town, you spend the time going in shops with no lifts, or doors not wide enough for buggies, just because you can! You look at other people's babies in pushchairs, and smile at the parents, totally forgetting that you don't have your darling child with you, and that you must look like a child snatcher!

Your idea of luxury is having a whole hour in the bath, and being able to shave your legs.

You don't know any of the new bars and restaurants in town, and anyway, they would be full of people who wear fashionable clothes!

I can so relate to the smiling at other people's children when you don't have your own with you!! I spent five minutes chatting to a little girl who was with her daddy in WHSmiths the other day while ds was at nursery. It occurred to me about half an hour later that the poor man probably thought that I was using his daughter to chat him up! No wonder he looked so uncomfortable! I was mortified...

...you ask a colleague if she needs the toilet, as she is standing next to your desk doing the "dance" known to all mothers in the throes of potty training.

...you decide to stay up late to watch the nine o'clock news.

...you need to get out of your bath to get the bath toys.

...you spend half an hour cooing over someone else's baby photos before doing the washing-up, laundry, cleaning, mending, emptying the nappy bin, tidying the toys, vacuuming, dusting ....

...a lady calls round to ask for magazines to be donated to the local retirement home and all you've got is Mother & Baby, and Parenting Today.

...a neighbour pops in unexpectedly for a cuppa and all you've got is Formula Milk and Baby Rusks.

...you go to the hairdressers and she exclaims that she hasn't seen you for ages, how poorly you must have been, how your hair is coming out in handfuls and what a treat this is for all the trainees to see how to deal with problem hair!

... when you find yourself on a rare evening out with a childless friend - you find yourself being chatted up and can't think of a thing to say and then after one glass of wine you are a pathetic giggly fool ... and then have a hangover the next day ...

... you begin to have dreams about characters on children's programmes ... namely Nathan from Hi-5 and yes, I have to admit it ... Bob the Builder!

...you read a thread called " you know when to get a life" ..and then realise that your eating re heated microwave popcorn - even the burned bits. which makes you feel worse because you realise that there is only you that can burn things in a microwave and there is only you who thinks its ok to eat the full packet at 9.30 am and only you that would see the remaining kernals at the bottom of the bag and see if you can microwave them again! - am off to watch oprah tell me that my husband needs to get in touch with his feelings - two of us with PMT yeah great thinking oprah! - oh and i think i will look up her internet site - ok am not telling you lot anything sadder than that - and boy i could go on

... when you haven't got time to write anything (until now) on a post called "You know you need to get a life when..." but you upload the page then disconnect so that you can read it later over that long awaited cup of tea and chocolate biscuit/cake...

... when you only half get dressed, throwing on a pair of jeans underneath your dressing gown and hope that the postman doesn't need anything signed for, particularly as said dressing gown is covered in dried up food and coal dust...

The other day I rewound ds's Monkey Music tape so I could hear Wind The Bobbin Up one more time...

No custardo, not only you can burn things in a microwave. I've set fire to a bread roll I was trying to defrost.
Why do you think DH does all the cooking !!!!
I've also burnt eggs ( boiled ) and pasta.