Can you please explain to me why you would choose not to help at a PTA event?

[Hassled]

A genuine question, although I have to admit to being a tad exasperated at the moment. I feel I'm missing a point somewhere, but I'm not sure what.

Let's say that there was a big PTA fundraising event (BBQ) coming up. The PTA have sent out newsletters etc making it clear that they want to raise funds to improve the school playground and to replace existing sports strips. You plan to attend with your DP, you're not in any way unwell and don't have a baby in tow. Why would you not volunteer to run a stall for half an hour? If you were specifically asked if you could help, why would you say no?

All I can come up with is a) you value the rare time you have as a family too much to want to interrupt the evening by one parent being elsewhere for half an hour or b) you haven't really grasped the reason PTA events take place (i.e. the improved playground) and dismiss the events as not really your concern. Both of which are valid, I guess, but I really want to know what else goes on in people's minds in these cicumstances. Have I just turned into too much of a PTA harpy?

I helped a lot with my dds' nursery (v small management committee, run on shoestring,lots of financial headaches over the years and hefty staffing issues occasionally) and you know what? I'd had enough by the time they got to primary school (large double form entry primary) - and volunteered dh

FUN
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN?

dont hark on at me to attend your 'FUN' or respect your 'fun' efforts

why can't you just go to the park or something...with a clipboard?

It's true that some people are "committee people" and other aren't. Some people are just like Richard Briers' character in "Ever Decreasing Circles" and love to run everything. Some people are also good at committees but would rather leave that sort of thing at work. I think if you don't work it's easier to be in the PFA. You can apply all your organisational skills developed in the workplace without having actual work to distract you.

I'm not really a committee person but often end up on them because most committees are desparate for an accoutant. Would be happier being involved but being told what to do, than continuing the day job but generally people need a finance preson and no-one wants to do that bit - its low profile boring and hard work. What kind of a mug have I been - reading this thread I really shouldn't ever have bothered.

katierocket......it really is great!

Maybe we should have a new thread with great ideas!!

We use Year 4 classrooms (of which there are 3 altogether) We use the interactive whiteboards and computers to show the films.

We split them into 3 groups Rec, Y1 & Y2 in one room, Y3 and Y4 in another and Y5 and Y6 in the other.

We showed Night at the Museum for the older ones the first time we did it and Ratatouille for the younger ones.

Last time we showed Alvin and the Chipmunks to all of them.

It really is very popular.

But that is exactly the point here. The PTA cannot ask everybody to contribute but also shouldn't harass them for not helping, not standing at stalls on a sunny weekend or serving drinks at school disco or planting trees on a Wednesday afternoon or other nonsense things as such.
People will do what they can (or want) to help, no one should be able to harass anyone over it, specially in a private intitution where you already pay a ridiculous amount of money to send your cherub to. (in my experience PTAs from private schools are more pushy than in state schools, maybe it's the necessity to show who has more money or something like that...)

I have approached people to help at PTA events though and often they say that they can only do half an hour or so.....but that is fine! If they can fill in half an hour, and Jimmy's Mum can do half an hour and so on and so on then all the things get done..

.....otherwise I have to do the full event myself!!

I don't think anyone is harrassing anyone - whenever there's a thread about PTAs people always get on their high horses about people asking them to do things - it's almost "How dare they ask me - I'll say no because I'm so insulted by someone invading my personal space by saying "Is you child coming to Sports Day? Could you possibly help on the drinks table for 20 minutes?" It's bizarre!

Either people feel harrassed because someone asks them to help, or offended because no-one does.

And I have to say, it's not easy going up to people in the playground and asking them if they'll help - after the 15th person's said no you do tend to feel a bit rejected!

I don't mind helping out at events, but as soon as i'm asked to handle cash i get a blind panic as i'm crap with maths and anything like that just makes me freeze and i don't really want people (that i know in RL) finding out my shamefull secret
I've donated loads of stuff at our PTA events and this summer me and another mum are going to give our pre-school a good scrub down from top to bottom and banish all the cobwebs (not had a cleaner all year) and the playleader and assistant have been doing the cleaning.

Collision: very good point. SO many of the sort of activities PTAs put on are No Fun. Endless fairs that are just non-stop recycling of crap (either nasty cuddly toys or wierd 'craft' items made by someone with the art skills of a houseplant) or 'social' events that are only actually enjoyable to overgrown Brownies and Cubs (the sort of thing where your ticket 'includes a Free! glass of winewarmwhiteliebfraumilch' and you are forced into the company of people with whom you have nothing in common apart from same-age DC. Something like the cinema club you describe is practical and enjoyable and fairly stress free to run, so why don't some of these PTAs actually try asking what the other parents want and would like to do?

I'm with you Seeker!

and it isnt until you go on the PTA that you realise how much organising and planning go into things for the school.

If everyone just did a bit then it would make it a lot easier for everyone.

For the same reason I don't help out on Open Days at the wildlife project I volunteer at. I'm no good with lots of kids and hate being in places that are very crowded. I help out with things like fruit planting at school and ground work at the wildlife centre. I'm not good at stalls and things like that. I go along, feel very claustrophobic and get very edgy when DS runs off and harps on a lot about wanting loads of things.

You are right Madamez. We did a catwalk fashion thing for the children which was great but the wine was warm!! Not good.

when you go to the next PTA meeting just suggest the cinema thing and I promise it will go down a storm! We are plugging ours for Xmas while people do their Xmas shopping and we will make masses of money!

I am also going to suggest that we ask parents what they would like to see at fundraising events. Recycling of crap is not popular so we got rid of all our crap and started again. People were happier to go home with a cool gift than a crap gift and didnt mind paying a bit more for it.

gscrym....tell me more about the wildlife thing!

DS1 would love something like that!!

I don't as it has been suggested by my friends who are on the PTA that knowing me as they do, it might not actually be a good idea for me to be anywhere near the politics involved in our PTA in the interest of PTA peace !

The real reason that I haven't really been involved is that the last few years have been a steady stream of family illnesses and various other disasters that have occurred on top of trying to work, which have left me absolutely shattered and just pleased to get through to the end of the week.

Now DS will be going starting school (a different one to DD) I do intend to be a bit more involved but have decided I am going to volunteer to go and in help with children who have SN as I think I will be better suited to that.

I have often though that I would like to have the option to donate something once a year and maybe the PTA be able to claim tax back via gift aid or whatever it is called, though I have no idea of the practicality of that.

Exactly Custardo. The minute it's compulsory it ain't no fun anymore.

It's called Jupiter Urban Wildlife reserve. If you google Urban Wildlife Reserve then you might find one in your area. Jupiter is in Grangemouth and does pond dipping, mini beast safaris and all sorts of nature stuff. I think it's beautiful and love spending time there, helping out. They do work with the local schools and organise visitor days. Like I said though, I just take DS on those days, couldn't do the helping out part.

I'm afraid the whole idea of a PTA gives me dreadful flashbacks to school, and Enforced Jollity, and semi-compulsory Sponsored Walks, and a generally shudder-inducing mood of everyone Doing Their Bit.

I have, as it happens, put in loads of time doing stuff for things I believe in. But I do also quite resent the idea that just because I send my kids to school - it's the law, you know, I've got to educate them somehow and I'm not cut out for Home Ed - I should therefore be part of the PTA.

And come to that, what's wrong with just wanting a bit of time off? Do we really have to list the various demands on our time in order to demonstrate that sorry we just can't fit in the PTA?

Apparantly we do MI, according to some of this thread .
(Lol at 'enforced jollity' I really kwym by that )

How is "I don't want to" not a valid answer?

PTA is voluntary. Some choose to volunteer and some don't.

I did my fair share of manning stalls when my dcs were at primary school, as I felt it was important. (I wasn't on the PTA).

When ds1 went to his (then) middle school, I volunteered to help man one of the stalls. I then had a letter from the PTA telling me that my DH (who hadn't volunteered) was now down on the list and that we also had to come to the school the night before to set the stand up! No-one had asked if DH would be giving his time, or if we were even available that evening to help.

I work long hours and value my time at the weekend. So forgive me if I don't always want to get involved.

Everybody on here has given valid reasons why they don't help - that's fine. It's not compulsory. But there are 421 children in our school - SURELY there must be more than 9 parents in that lot?

Have you thought that it may be the way that you're communicating with them?

Medium being the message and all that.

Maybe you need to look at better ways to engage with the 421, Seeker. If, as you say there must be others willing to help out the PTA...

Or why don't you survey all your parents and find out if it's because of the activities you're running are putting them off? I can't tell you how much I loathed the annual 'family day' aka summer fete.

As soon as the dcs were old enough to go by themselves that was what happened.

Maybe you could brainstorm some ideas with other, currently non-involved parents, to see if there is anything they would like to get involved in?