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Original poster

Can you please explain to me why you would choose not to help at a PTA event?

307 replies

Hassled · 15/07/2008 10:33

A genuine question, although I have to admit to being a tad exasperated at the moment. I feel I'm missing a point somewhere, but I'm not sure what.

Let's say that there was a big PTA fundraising event (BBQ) coming up. The PTA have sent out newsletters etc making it clear that they want to raise funds to improve the school playground and to replace existing sports strips. You plan to attend with your DP, you're not in any way unwell and don't have a baby in tow. Why would you not volunteer to run a stall for half an hour? If you were specifically asked if you could help, why would you say no?

All I can come up with is a) you value the rare time you have as a family too much to want to interrupt the evening by one parent being elsewhere for half an hour or b) you haven't really grasped the reason PTA events take place (i.e. the improved playground) and dismiss the events as not really your concern. Both of which are valid, I guess, but I really want to know what else goes on in people's minds in these cicumstances. Have I just turned into too much of a PTA harpy?

OP posts:
Collision · 15/07/2008 10:56

I sooooooooo know how you feel!!

I am on the school PTA and love it but I do have time to do it and I love getting to know the children and parents etc.....

......but it is so frustrating when people cannot be bothered to help out for half an hour!

At the end of one event, we needed help for the school fete and the CP had an idea to ask parents directly to help.

One woman came in and was asked if she would like to help. 'Nah,' she replied.

'oh, why is that?'

'don't wanna.......' and walked away.

so that could be the answer. They just dont want to.

fair enough.

sagacious · 15/07/2008 10:57

I have a pink notebook (not a clipboard)

solo · 15/07/2008 10:58

It wont ever be just half an hour though, will it? (genuine question).

I've never helped and I've never attended either the bazaar on alternate Christmas' and Summer fate's. Usually it's been work that's got in the way. I went to a school/church BBQ last Summer though, but wouldn't have helped out as I had a 6 month old back then.
Not really my thing helping out anymore(may have done it years ago)...my health problems leave me little energy for my own Dc's.

filthymindedvixen · 15/07/2008 10:58

I got pissed off when some parent complained that her dd had to wait too long to have her face painted at pta bbq. Well, I was on me own, mate, and no other fecker volunteered to help - hence big queue!

cmotdibbler · 15/07/2008 10:58

Maybe because being asked to man a stand is the first time anyone has been bothered to speak to you ? Or that having to talk to loads of people just isn't their thing ?

TsarChasm · 15/07/2008 10:59

It's the pressure to come up with a justifyable reason which narks me.

Many people (me included) on here do have a reason but they are personal reasons.

Do they have to go over it in humiliating detail in front on the PTA before they are excused?

seeker · 15/07/2008 10:59

People don't have to justify themselves to the PTA - but do they tell their children not to ride the tricycles, read the books, use the whiteboards, come to the discos , drink the drinks at sports day, go on the school trips on the subsidized coaches, accept the prizes, hunt the easter eggs, go see the Father Christmas, play with the cricket sets or sit in the sensory garden?

Collision · 15/07/2008 10:59

NatalieJane - why didnt you just leave your stall, take the money with you, and go and ask for some help?

I dont understand.

A mum complained to me that she had been abandoned on her stall, without a drink, in the sun. There is no way I would have stood there, burning, for the whole of the fete.

I would have closed it down. Told someone. got a drink and some food and gone back!

sagacious · 15/07/2008 11:00

Our summer fayre we DID ask parents for half an hour on stalls (if they were happy to do longer then fab, but we had a rota) plus we now have a events coordinator who is in charge of providing tea and biscuits.

AMumInScotland · 15/07/2008 11:01

Because they don't want to.

And they don't see any need for them to do it. Even if they think it should be done.

Which is very frustrating when you're one of the ones who do see the need, and realise that if you don't roll your sleeves up it just won't happen, but what can you do?

Guadalupe · 15/07/2008 11:01

The PTA ladies used to terrify me, looming up with raised eyebrows and waving the paper. I got anxious and felt claustrophobic just attending the Christmas fairs, often waited outside while dcs went in, let alone manning a stall. I didn't particularly want to have to explain this so I guess they may have thought I couldn't be bothered.

Podmog · 15/07/2008 11:01

Message withdrawn

Guadalupe · 15/07/2008 11:02

but I did make lots of cakes instead!

NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain · 15/07/2008 11:03

Collision, because I didn't want to be "that one over there, she is only pregnant, not ill"

Which was true.

Rubyrubyruby · 15/07/2008 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewcumber · 15/07/2008 11:06

I've been involved in a great of voluntary work over the years and people not wanting to give their time is a common and disheartening occurance. Yes, there are good reasons why people don't get involved - shyness, family commitments etc but I'm afriad that most common reason is that people can't be arsed.

Some poeple tend to be joiners and have asense of being part of a bigger "thing". Some people are not joiners and consider only their close family when planning their time.

You're not going to change that I'm afraid.

Kewcumber · 15/07/2008 11:06

x posted there with Ruby who pretty much said in one sentance what I said in a whole paragraph!

edam · 15/07/2008 11:07

Because I made the mistake of being talked into running the bouncy castle as the Spring Fair. Never again! It's obviously the 'stall' reserved for newbies who have no idea what they are getting into.

I am going to do a stall at the autumn fair - but if I was working full-time outside the home would find it very tricky and probably not offer.

micci25 · 15/07/2008 11:07

if i was specifically asked to help i would but grudgingly so.

i wouldnt offer to help because i am lazy and i have better things to do with time, i dont like attending school fetes never mind helping with them because i dont like over crowded places and im not overly fussed on others peoples dc's either. my own are enough to cope with!

i have been known to offer up my sisters face painting skills in the past though but she loves kids and face painting so i knew that she wouldnt mind!!

Kewcumber · 15/07/2008 11:09

From experience (not PTA's) I can say that there are things you can do to get more people involved.

Break tasks down into manageable chuinks and make it clear there is a plan to make sure people won't have to do more than that. Have a variety of tasks - some of which don't involve dealing with lots of people or even turning up (baking cakes good example). Rope in children to take a form to their paretns asking how they are going to help and they can tick sufficent boxes.

lalaa · 15/07/2008 11:11

I think I'm one of those mums who is overwhelmed by my every day life without offering to help the PTA. Although, in the example given by the OP, I'd do it, no problem. I do set my limits though because I don't want to get into a situation where I feel I have no choice but do stuff for the PTA.

My husband makes quite an interesting point when he says he'd rather just give the PTA £50 at the beginning of the school year than have to volunteer our time away! If everyone did that at our school (yes, I know not everyone can afford it, but just think about how much time you spend plus money you spend for and at school events), we'd raise £7500 a year (more than normal!).

Kewcumber · 15/07/2008 11:12

I once stewarded one of the early Playtex moonwalks and ended up standing on a street corner in central London for 9 hours (no seat) and buying water from a garage on Chelsea because we ran out of water for poepl walking because the other volunteers who were supposed to turn up to relive me didn't fecking bother

I was left with the option of going home and leaving women who had been walking for hourse and hours at that point without water or staying and trying to sort it out. [matyr emoticon]

Threadwworm · 15/07/2008 11:13

Although PTAs and the like bring a lot of benefits to the school, they also have a momentum that has its origin in the enjoyment some of their members get from organising activities.

I know that at least some of our local group's activities are not particularly valuable. And I do sometimes feel that people want to dragoon me into participating in what is essentially their hobby.

Original poster
Hassled · 15/07/2008 11:14

Thank you all - I've think it's possible I've become PTA-zilla and forgotten about things like crippling shyness/social anxiety etc. I'd sort of assumed it was all can't-be-arsed syndrome.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 15/07/2008 11:14

lalaa - its generally easier to get people to give money and depending what kind of area you live in that may be a more sensible approach.

But doesn;t anyone feel that its a good example to your DC's to give up your time to help a community project. My Dad did it all the time as a Round Tabler and I'm glad - it was fun as a kid joining in.