Can you please explain to me why you would choose not to help at a PTA event?

[Hassled]

A genuine question, although I have to admit to being a tad exasperated at the moment. I feel I'm missing a point somewhere, but I'm not sure what.

Let's say that there was a big PTA fundraising event (BBQ) coming up. The PTA have sent out newsletters etc making it clear that they want to raise funds to improve the school playground and to replace existing sports strips. You plan to attend with your DP, you're not in any way unwell and don't have a baby in tow. Why would you not volunteer to run a stall for half an hour? If you were specifically asked if you could help, why would you say no?

All I can come up with is a) you value the rare time you have as a family too much to want to interrupt the evening by one parent being elsewhere for half an hour or b) you haven't really grasped the reason PTA events take place (i.e. the improved playground) and dismiss the events as not really your concern. Both of which are valid, I guess, but I really want to know what else goes on in people's minds in these cicumstances. Have I just turned into too much of a PTA harpy?

I would buy books for the school. Rather than make cakes to be sold for 5p each.

I am on the preschool committee. god knows how that happened. But our preschool has most children coming for their 5 free sessions, and a few who come (like mine) for full days of childcare and pay for their extra sessions. I pay £16 a day for my preschooler's childcare. Half the price of local nursery options. All the parents on the commmittee are in dual earner couples. We all use it as childcare for our jobs and we all know it's cheap. We all have two incomes and limited spare time.

It makes no sense for us all to spend our time fundraising small amounts. Rather than just putting the fees up. The parents who use the 5 free sessions don't pay. It's only the working parents who pay, and it's ridiculously cheap at the moment. an extra £1 a day would make little difference to any of us. rather than struggling to organise fetes and commando challenges and race nights and so on.

Yes, thanks Madamez for confirming what I'd long suspected - I am indeed a clip-board-wielding officious twat who hasn't actually got a life .

This has been something of an eye-opener for me - I'd had no idea how strongly people feel about the PTA. I will tread a lot more warily in future. And possibly resign .

In answet to OP: Can't be arsed, frankly... also it's a free country.

Because people are apathetic, lazy, think they are busier than everyone else....

It's utterly depressing but this is my last year on the PTA - we're sending a note out today to say that next year we are only doing about 3 events. We have also pulled out of providing refreshments for the 3 sports days this year because only 2 parents volunteered and the committee refuses to stand in and run it as well as organise it, do all the shopping for it, count all the money and bank it yet again. There's already moaning about it but it cannot go on any longer - the same old people breaking their backs to provide for everyone's children. Well, there's been enough altruism from me and I'm out.

I have made cakes before. Is that any good?

If I was asked specificly to help man a stall then yes I would. Our PTA seems to be a closed shop though and they don't welcome outsiders.

I once mentioned to the mum who does all the organising of PTA stuff that I was going to offer to help out on the school trip. Only to be told that they had enough mums and anyway I couldn't help as I didn't have a school CRB check - found out after the trip it was a load of bull. Also mentioned tothe same mum an idea for fundraising - where the kids draw a design for a Xams card and sell them (my neices' school does this). Only to be snootily told that she'd already thought of this and it wouldn't be cost effective. Funnily enough they then did do the Xmas cards.

I've since heard on the grapevine that the PTA mums are packing it in as they're fed up with noone else helping. So now the PTA is going to fold. Well I've never heard anything from the school or the PTA asking for more volunteers.

I agree with yorkshirepudding and the 'greater responsibility'.

Studies have shown that children at schools with a high level of parental input do better.

I have been heavily involved with our PTA since DD1 joined the school nearly 3 years ago. For part of that time I was pregnant or looking after a baby, as were the other two (working) vice presidents (we had no president that year and still don't).
I think everyone should contribute in a hands-on way now and then, be it staying to read a story to the class on a Friday morning, manning the table to collect the PTA dues, helping to build the green house, organising a jumble sale or making up a whole set of transparency material for the light box.

Some of the parents in DD1s class never seem to contribute at any practical level. Their children must notice that, I know DD1 notices that I am involved.

It's a small school, only 100 kids, nobody is left out of things because they aren't involved in PTA business but IMO they are missing out and so are their kids.

And we raised over £10,000 on Sunday at our school fair and the number of people that could not give just half an hour of their time was staggering. I was there, with my 3 children and husband, setting up from 9am and was still there at 5.30 picking up litter off the field.

I agree shitemum. However, I'm thinking of standing for a governor position in the autumn term. I love being involved in school but I think I might prefer it at that level rather than dealing with whinging, whining parents that do feck all.

I can second the "it's never just half an hour" reason. And the fact that if you agree to do one thing then you magically become someone who says "yes" and get hassled to do far more than you are comfortable. I have started saying "no" to stuff (pregnant and exhausted) but it does feel awkward.

Message withdrawn

haven't read whole thread but

For a lot of parents i think it's the not having time/having other things to do/not having someone to take care of the kids while they help out on the stall. No issue with that.

But for alot of them I think it's just apathy. They're just not interested. And interestingly enough it's often those same parents who don't turn up to parents evenings/curricullum evenings and have no idea what their children are doing in school.

Strangely enough though it is those parents who complain the loudest when events have to be cancelled due to lack of help.

I know of someone who shouted and swore at one of the members of our PTA when a school disco had to be cancelled because we didn't have enough adults to supervise. She told her that she was holding the PTA personally responsible for her child's upset etc etc etc. When it was pointed out that if she wanted to help she could get a crb check and could help out at events even if she didn't wish to be on the PTA she said that she couldn't be bothered with all that.

'Our children would benefit more from fewer activities and more leisured parents.' Amen to that Threadworm.

It is quite an eye opener. I can understand not helping out for a whole load of reasons and certainly there is no reason to justify them here. But I don't see why people are so cross about SPAs. Some people enjoy running them and, in my neighbourhood at least, they raise shed loads of money. I'm grateful to the parents who put in the time. The money goes towards making the school a better place. I help if I can and don't if I can't. But I wouldn't get arsey about it either way. Also, the people who show up and spend are doing their bit too.

I help out when I can but usually have my 3 year old in tow. Unfortunately evenings are out for me because my DH is never home before 8pm and frequently much later than that so there is a child care issue. However, I do understand your irritation because there are an awful lot of people who could help but can't be arsed. I think probably at least 70% of the parents at our school are apathetic in the extreme - very rarely attend workshops or help out at things.

Ruby - the "extra items" my PTA got this year was a new playground for the infants. She's in YR 6 and about to leave - so she didn't benefit! You are allowed to be not interested in PTA you know - it's boring. I want to watch Big Brother instead...

I do think that a big problem with PTA and other charities compared to when we were kids is that the SAHM with school age children seems to be a rare beast these days.

For a SAHM these types of organisations are FAB because they get you out of the house and meeting people and it's sociable - part of a community. I fully intend to get more involved once ds2 starts school as I won't be going back to work (and I did my time helping to run a toddler group - another thankless task!) but I don't begrudge other people not joining in just because I want to.

Thinking about it, out of my friends in the playground, I am the ONLY ONE not in at least SOME kind of part time work. Once you're in work, you not only have the adult contact during the day (so aren't looking for other activities to get that) but any spare time is precious.

Our charitable society has always been built on women giving up their time once their kids are at school and from people who are retired but still healthy.

Given that most women go back to work after having children in order to be able to pay the bills and retirement ages are having to be put back and back... where does that leave our charities?

It's not that our society is more selfish now. Our society has radically changed and we are much more time poor now.

You have to laugh though. The school fete is just an exercise in shuffling round everyone's junk isn't it? You have a clear out of all your gubbins and think good.

Then after the fete you realise that you've spent £15 on buying back someone else's and you're back to square one.

Then next year you donate it all back to the fete again.

Well done Gobble!

I am in Spain where there is traditionally very low parental involvement in schools, something to do with them being actively excluded from participating in Franco's time or something...also the concept of the school fair does not seem to exist here...
We will probably be moving back to the UK next year and I am frankly a little scared of getting involved with the PTA there because of the negative comments that people involved in PTAs seem to attract on MN.

I am not trying to be bossy, I have never brandished a clipboard, I do have lots of 'better' things to do with my very limited time, I just want to help make the school as good as it can be for the DCs who attend it.

I am tempted to make a snide comment about parents who don't contribute maybe not having anything to contribute but I know that's not true - everyone has a skill and if they don't they must surely be able to spare 30 minutes once in a while. I think lots of people don't get involved because they think they will be sucked in and expected to put in hours and hours. It's not true.

For me I think it is fear.
Only preschool mind, but I could haw gone to the AGM but I was afraid of what it would be about, if I would get roped into being something important like treasurer (I find it hard to no when directly asked)